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Question: Do abusers/cheaters EVER change?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 22 Replies

For the record, stbX is 51 years old, so we're not talking about some hot headed kid here.

His first marriage his wife said he was both physically and verbally abusive. He was out at bars every night and cheating. One son who has changed his last name and hates his dad.

His second relationship: he went to bars every night after she and their son had gone to bed and cheated.  Don't know any more because she took their son and vanished somewhere in Texas and changed her sons last name.

His third marriage: ME.  Verbally abusive to the extreme, the only problem was that I never believed it since it was ridiculous.  Did get tired of hearing it, though.  Apparently he called me stupid so many times that HE believed it since he's shocked at how much info I've been able to accumulate on his affair.  Hanging out in bars every night and now has a married girlfriend that he is either on the phone with or texting all day long. One son who he has had nothing to do with raising; never been to a school play, soccer game, parent teacher conference, etc...

He says now he's ready to settle down with the love of his life (of course he once said that about me).

So my question is, will this new relationship be any different?

For the record, he's charming and makes a lot of money so it's easy for him to sucker women in.

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
robibuni
by Platinum Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:33 PM

I guess it just depends on the person. Some people never change, no. Others CAN.

I used to be a cheater...even cheated on DH when we dated, but when he found out, I had to face my issues, went to therapy, and we decided to give it one more try and we're happier than ever and I DON'T cheat. I think if someone truly wants change in their life, it can happen.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:33 PM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:34 PM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:35 PM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:36 PM

BUMP!

Paranoai
by Bronze Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:38 PM
1 mom liked this

Do you really need an answer...you have told us about TWO of his previous abusive relationships. That should say alot more than we can.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:38 PM
Nope. Old habits die hard.

I honestly think the only time a cheater can change is if it was an "accident;" as in they were so drunk they don't remember what happened, but it only happened once.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:39 PM

It depends on the person. I cheated on my husband 5 yrs ago. Once we said we'd work on the marriage, I never cheated again. We're divorcing now but I came to the conclusion that 5 yrs ago I cheated, because in essence, I didn't love him. It hasn't changed at all as of now.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:39 PM
I don't know.... my ex was a really nice guy.... I guess in hindsight all of the signs and symptoms were there, but it didn't become painfully apparent until after he broke his ankle and became a drug addict. He slowly became emotionally and verbally abusive and then became physical at the bitter end. He eventually cheated and left. I thank God for that girl everyday... he continues to harass me and manipulate the children. His girlfriend left him so he has nothing better to do with his time. When I think back to our first 3 happy years of marriage, I could almost cry.
fairyjester
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 6:40 PM

 possible to change but very very unlikely

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