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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I have an Adult child that won't .......GROW UP!!!

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:30 PM
  • 41 Replies

My son graduated HS 2 years ago.  He has ADHD with a processing disorder.  He's a good kid (adult now) at home.  He does things that he's asked to do without complaining.  He was diagnosed just before grad as having a precancerous condition.  He's had his colon removed to prevent the cancer and will be tested every 6 months to make sure he doesn't get cancer any where else.  He told me a year before grad that he was molested by a neighbor's kid on top of all this.  So needless to say... it's been tough on him..    BUT..... he's also gotten into trouble with girls at his school before he graduated.  He kissed a girl who later said she didn't want it.  They suspended him for a few days.  He was talking to girls inappropriately... got reprimanded by us and threatened  by the girl's bf.  He started sending nude pics of himself via the Internet and the phone and gets pics form girls back.  We explained how this could get him into trouble if they are underage.  The school explained it to him too.  We were highly concerned because he doesn't always know the girls online so he wouldn't know if she was of age or not.  We are concerned he'll get busted one day for child porn or something.  We just don't know how to get through to him... threats, we took away the electronics for a long time... but nothing seems to stick with him.  He's been looking for a job but doesn't appear to be working very hard at doing so.  He's been working with a rehabilitation center to get him in the right direction but I honestly think there is something wrong with the people who work there too because it's been two years and he's gotten no where.  Although I have to subtract the time he was recovering from surgery and getting all kinds of tests done to figure out what was wrong..... still he should have made some kind of progress right?  He doesn't get many interviews and hasn't been offered anything.  It's sooooo frustrating.  I feel he's very laxidazical and unconcerned about his life and future and I can't motivate him to do anything with pride and  gusto let alone respect.  My DH is ready now to kick him out... he's called my son's dad and told him to make arrangements to get him somehow because he's about to be tossed on his arse.  I feel awful but I'm kinda done with all this.  Why can't he grow up?

by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
EvaTheDiva29
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:31 PM

give him a time frame. like he has one month to find a job and pay rent, or buh bye. really, the only way to get rid of an adult child who won't grow up is make them grow up.

ohmybaby
by Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:33 PM

 I know... I really do.  It just kills me that it's going down this way.


Quoting EvaTheDiva29:

give him a time frame. like he has one month to find a job and pay rent, or buh bye. really, the only way to get rid of an adult child who won't grow up is make them grow up.


 

EvaTheDiva29
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:36 PM

think of it this way. if hes stays, he will be there forever, and the longer you wait, the harder it will be. id tell him on the first of april, i expect to see 400 for rent. or whatever. tell him him he doesn't have rent, he will be evicted. 

Quoting ohmybaby:

 I know... I really do.  It just kills me that it's going down this way.


Quoting EvaTheDiva29:

give him a time frame. like he has one month to find a job and pay rent, or buh bye. really, the only way to get rid of an adult child who won't grow up is make them grow up.




sarahbsquare
by Silver Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:38 PM
1 mom liked this

yo might have to put him in a group home for disabled adult who need to get out of there parents house and grow up kind of like commited so he can face the hards and realities of life and stop being a little crap head.

Rileyscute
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:39 PM

If he is truly disabled..there are programs..although albeit the wait list is long

RMC007
by Silver Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Before kicking him out, I would make it so that he wants to get a job. Do not give him any money, what-so-ever. If you go out to eat, don't invite him. If you order take out, don't give him any. I am not saying starve him, I am saying only provide him with the food in your pantry and the roof over his head. Turn off the Wifi when you are not home, take the TV cables away when you leave the house so that he cannot watch tv all day. Tell him when he gets a job, and starts paying X amount of dollars in rent, he can have all the privileges of living in your house back. My aunt had to do this to her adult son that could not keep a job. He didn't want to work He had a free place to live, plenty of food to eat, and his mom would give money if he wanted to do something with his friends. He stayed up all night online or watching TV and slept all day. Once his parents said, "No more" he got sick of his life real quick and found a job.

jeanmonkey
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:40 PM

This makes me think of the movie "The Ultimate Gift." My brother never grew up either. He is 30, has 2 kids with 2 different mommas and another on the way with another momma. He has literally nothing, no house, no license, no anything. Maybe the movie will give you some ideas. Either way its a good movie, as long as you're not forced to watch it in school and write page after page on analysis on it. Twice. Good luck.

lovinmama411
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:41 PM

I agree with the pp. Give him a time frame. Also, make sure he knows HOW to look for a job. I know people who think sitting around putting in a few online applications is really looking for work. He needs to go out and not just fill out apps but ask to speak to a manager to see if they are hiring (just doing this has gotten me a few jobs) and he needs to dress nice and show he cares. When I was a teenager I always had a job, restaurant jobs are usually everywhere.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:41 PM
1 mom liked this

He is what? 20? And has disabilities and your already getting impatient? Please dont let your SO kick him out just like that. He needs help.

Char-Bear
by Gold Member on Mar. 8, 2013 at 10:41 PM
If I knew how to make someone grow up my 33 yr old brother wouldn't still be living at home.
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