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I feel guilty, but I still don't want to watch ten.

Posted by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 10:21 AM
  • 1 Replies
some background: since the age of 12 I have been babysitting kids with disabilities: from downs to paraplegics. My younger brother is extremely autistic, so my mother would have me sit in his theraphy classes so I could continue the pro resides when the insurance ran out. I had no choice in this manner. At one point my mother filled out the paperwork for me to train me to do respite. I found out when I was called to start training. At that point I thought why not? It would pay well, but my mom requested me and then never paid me for my time (I lived with her) claiming it went to my rent. ($100 an hour was what I was to be paid). So besides dealing with him in my off time, o did respite for 20hrs a week and worked full time. I had no time to help other families. After a year I moved out.
Because I knew how to do this, I continued with respite part time. Over the next 20 years I have been a tutor for special needs kids and have done respite in three states. Now I am married, have started and lost my dream business and am now homeschooling my 4th old.
My DH has a coworker with two boys that have come over to play a few times a month. I have nothing in common with the parents and the boys are sweet kids, but.... One is emotionally delayed with speech issues. He tends to break things so I have to clear the house before they come. The other is very smart but thanks to all of his issues at 4 he is still in a diaper, can barely walk and drools constantly. My DD likes to play with one and not the other. Nothing wrong with that- in my opinion- we all like some people over the other.(and yes she likes to more disabled child better) now the couple are separated and the mom has dumped the kids with the dad because she cannot handle them.
He is outprocessing from the military, looking for a house and job hunting. My DH would like me to watch the boys on a steady basis to help out. (non pay) thing is I do not want to. Pay or no pay, I do not want to. I HATE changing diapers, cannot stand the whining and the destruction. He needs me to do an overnight (at my house) so the dad can go to a medical appointment so he can qualify for his disability. I want to help, I do but the last time we tried to do an overnight the boys screamed for three hours. One of them panics if his dad leaves the house to smoke or uses the bathroom. I end up stressed out and wanting to scream after ten hours (everytime they have come over Ot has been an all day affair)
The mom will only take the more normal boy and only for a few hours and not on a set time either. There is no other person available as the mom never filed paperwork for the evaluation so
her sons could get services ( she said she was too overwhealmed) .
I am burned out and don't want to deal with them, and yet I feel guilty that I don't volunteer to help out.
DH understands how I feel, but we are both in a difficult spot here. He would be wortking and I have no other adults that are nearby to help (without paying them)
What should I do?

This makes me a very selfish person right?
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 10:21 AM
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Replies (1-1):
luckysevenwow
by Emerald Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 10:27 AM

Not selfish at all, realistic.


Could you maybe do the overnight, and a one or two days here and there, but not anything on a permanent bases? 


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