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ladies, tell me what you think about his actions?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies

So

I have been seeing this guy and this is kind of a story, so hope you'll read a little


Ive known this guy since I was 13, I am now 21...He is 24

Well his dad dated my aunt, my aunt actually lived in the same house as him, his dad and sister for a while.  But then it ended terribly.  At the time my aunt lived there my ex, my sons dad, and I spent so much time over there.  Celebrated holidays, birthdays, freetime, etc.  We were all good friends and close.

Well we always kind of flirted but it was light and innocent, but we were good friends.  Well my ex and I broke up and I rebounded with this guy.  Then it ended because my aunt was pissed, his dad was suspicious, but wasn't so upset.  I guess my aunt knew her relationship was ending and she has always had this "bad" feeling me and this guy would keep talking, and I think she was just not happy about that.  Plus shes a pill popping alcoholic so there is no reasoning with her. his dad was always great with me but my aunt kind of ruined all of our good relationships so me and the guy didn't talk fora year.

I moved away and then he constantly kept trying to get me to visit him or him visit me but I was going through a lot so always blew him off

Finally I moved back and we started talking again, but we hid it. We still talk and hide it. 

We thgought it was going to be just about sex, but we always ended up enjoying each others company.  One day we had a talk and he told me that he was waiting for me to break up with my sons dad for years, he didn't want to break us up but he just was waiting for it to end, like he knew it was going to happen. He didn't specifiy if he wanted to be WITH ME but he did say what I mentioned.

He is also going overseas to play basketball and when he told me I said, make sure I can visit, he said I'll fly you out and teach your son everything I know about the game, it's going to be perfect when everything starts coming together.

So its a bit confusing.

My friends think that he is just very cautious about his feeling and said I need to let his actions speak for him. 

But I got annoyed with no progression and cut him off. But when he found out I hung out with someone else he came over to talk to me and was very casual and just acted like he was happy I made a friend, but I think in some regard he was just trying to see if I was interested in the other guy.  So now he is trying to get me to wait until he can come over and visit and keep me on that string.

uggh

I just don't know.  I want to flat out ask him why he waited so long, what he wants with me, what does he mean by teach my son everything, why when I am done or leave does he try so hard to get me back to him, etc. 


opinions

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 9, 2013 at 3:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
joshsgirl12
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 3:52 PM

Just come out and ask him

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 9, 2013 at 3:55 PM

thats exactly what my friends are telling me but im such a wimp

Quoting joshsgirl12:

Just come out and ask him


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:02 PM

You sound like a choatic personality, and he sounds midly normal. 

You can't get annoyed at someone (lack of progression) when you are unwilling to verbally address the situation to get it resolved. Lastly, I wouldn't get involved with someone who is going overseas for an extended amount of time.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:10 PM

You are right

he always is telling me I need to be tamed, like I am just a wild personality, and it shows in everything I do, but that's just me. He on the other hand is very patient, well tempered, easy going, doesn't get too anxious like me, so opposite.

And about him going over seas he would be going for years, like a decade, basketball is about a 10 year commitment if you are serious, so thats why I need answers, but am just shy about being vulnerable and talking about feelings makes us both vulnerable.

Quoting Anonymous:

You sound like a choatic personality, and he sounds midly normal. 

You can't get annoyed at someone (lack of progression) when you are unwilling to verbally address the situation to get it resolved. Lastly, I wouldn't get involved with someone who is going overseas for an extended amount of time.  


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:25 PM

I think you are giving yourself too much credit, and I am not being snarky.  It sounds like you have serious issues that make it difficult for you to sustain a relationship, and I think this is a very serious consideration if you are hoping to enter into a relationship with someone who sounds, from your description "normal".  There is a huge difference between being someone who is wild at heart, or a high strung personality type and someone who is choatic. It really sounds like you are mature enough to process or deal with a long term relationship. 

Also, if he is going overseas for 10+ years, what is your long term plan here, or your long term goal are you hoping to sail away into the sunset with him? Date long term then head over there? Wait for 10 years? Realistically, what do you expect to come out of this? 


Quoting Anonymous:

You are right

he always is telling me I need to be tamed, like I am just a wild personality, and it shows in everything I do, but that's just me. He on the other hand is very patient, well tempered, easy going, doesn't get too anxious like me, so opposite.

And about him going over seas he would be going for years, like a decade, basketball is about a 10 year commitment if you are serious, so thats why I need answers, but am just shy about being vulnerable and talking about feelings makes us both vulnerable.

Quoting Anonymous:

You sound like a choatic personality, and he sounds midly normal. 

You can't get annoyed at someone (lack of progression) when you are unwilling to verbally address the situation to get it resolved. Lastly, I wouldn't get involved with someone who is going overseas for an extended amount of time.  




Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:27 PM

OMG, eighth grade puppy love problems. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:32 PM

He's the only guy who makes me feel like I am 14 again, thinking I have fallen, it's awful.  

I think just being with my sons dad for so long, 5 years of my life, I dont have a good judgement on timing. 

Quoting Anonymous:

OMG, eighth grade puppy love problems. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:48 PM

Realistically I am trying not to think tht far because I have my own goals with education and career, etc.  I am a pretty independent person, and the biggest learning lesson I had from being with my sons dad, was for 5 years, I was in someones shadow. I was a stay at home mom since I got pregnant and totally lost myself. So I am dedicated to just being me, and I am this more chaotic personality, Im not just wild I am type A, completely high strung, a go getter, usually my way or the high way, I want answers NOW, etc but thats me, and I have learned that there are people who love it, there are few but it's okay.  

So I am still trying to just be ME and me and said guy just keep magnetizing back together and it's almost annoying but also natural. He is my best guy friend easily.  The man held me while I cried when another guy I dated cheated on me, and when I sought more comfort in him told me to stand on my own two feet because he doesn't want me to be weak and doesn't want me rebounding with him again.  He is a great man honestly. So thinking long term too much is something I don't want to do.  I know now and in the past he has been the one I always felt at my best with.  But I just want to learn from my mistakes now. I don't want to preplan everything. 

When he goes overseas i will visit until we deicide further I guess.  Im open, but need to finish what I have started here in the USA before I move or think of moving and he knows that.

I guess there's just going to be a lot of suspense in knwing what will happen

&

I guess I just need to buck up and ask what he wants, because I am unsure my self as to what I want. 

Quoting Anonymous:

I think you are giving yourself too much credit, and I am not being snarky.  It sounds like you have serious issues that make it difficult for you to sustain a relationship, and I think this is a very serious consideration if you are hoping to enter into a relationship with someone who sounds, from your description "normal".  There is a huge difference between being someone who is wild at heart, or a high strung personality type and someone who is choatic. It really sounds like you are mature enough to process or deal with a long term relationship. 

Also, if he is going overseas for 10+ years, what is your long term plan here, or your long term goal are you hoping to sail away into the sunset with him? Date long term then head over there? Wait for 10 years? Realistically, what do you expect to come out of this? 


Quoting Anonymous:

You are right

he always is telling me I need to be tamed, like I am just a wild personality, and it shows in everything I do, but that's just me. He on the other hand is very patient, well tempered, easy going, doesn't get too anxious like me, so opposite.

And about him going over seas he would be going for years, like a decade, basketball is about a 10 year commitment if you are serious, so thats why I need answers, but am just shy about being vulnerable and talking about feelings makes us both vulnerable.

Quoting Anonymous:

You sound like a choatic personality, and he sounds midly normal. 

You can't get annoyed at someone (lack of progression) when you are unwilling to verbally address the situation to get it resolved. Lastly, I wouldn't get involved with someone who is going overseas for an extended amount of time.  





Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:52 PM

Honestly, it sounds like you like the drama of the relationship more than anything. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Realistically I am trying not to think tht far because I have my own goals with education and career, etc.  I am a pretty independent person, and the biggest learning lesson I had from being with my sons dad, was for 5 years, I was in someones shadow. I was a stay at home mom since I got pregnant and totally lost myself. So I am dedicated to just being me, and I am this more chaotic personality, Im not just wild I am type A, completely high strung, a go getter, usually my way or the high way, I want answers NOW, etc but thats me, and I have learned that there are people who love it, there are few but it's okay.  

So I am still trying to just be ME and me and said guy just keep magnetizing back together and it's almost annoying but also natural. He is my best guy friend easily.  The man held me while I cried when another guy I dated cheated on me, and when I sought more comfort in him told me to stand on my own two feet because he doesn't want me to be weak and doesn't want me rebounding with him again.  He is a great man honestly. So thinking long term too much is something I don't want to do.  I know now and in the past he has been the one I always felt at my best with.  But I just want to learn from my mistakes now. I don't want to preplan everything. 

When he goes overseas i will visit until we deicide further I guess.  Im open, but need to finish what I have started here in the USA before I move or think of moving and he knows that.

I guess there's just going to be a lot of suspense in knwing what will happen

&

I guess I just need to buck up and ask what he wants, because I am unsure my self as to what I want. 

Quoting Anonymous:

I think you are giving yourself too much credit, and I am not being snarky.  It sounds like you have serious issues that make it difficult for you to sustain a relationship, and I think this is a very serious consideration if you are hoping to enter into a relationship with someone who sounds, from your description "normal".  There is a huge difference between being someone who is wild at heart, or a high strung personality type and someone who is choatic. It really sounds like you are mature enough to process or deal with a long term relationship. 

Also, if he is going overseas for 10+ years, what is your long term plan here, or your long term goal are you hoping to sail away into the sunset with him? Date long term then head over there? Wait for 10 years? Realistically, what do you expect to come out of this? 


Quoting Anonymous:

You are right

he always is telling me I need to be tamed, like I am just a wild personality, and it shows in everything I do, but that's just me. He on the other hand is very patient, well tempered, easy going, doesn't get too anxious like me, so opposite.

And about him going over seas he would be going for years, like a decade, basketball is about a 10 year commitment if you are serious, so thats why I need answers, but am just shy about being vulnerable and talking about feelings makes us both vulnerable.

Quoting Anonymous:

You sound like a choatic personality, and he sounds midly normal. 

You can't get annoyed at someone (lack of progression) when you are unwilling to verbally address the situation to get it resolved. Lastly, I wouldn't get involved with someone who is going overseas for an extended amount of time.  







joshsgirl12
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 5:32 PM

You just really need to sit down and ask him and yall need to talk about things together
Quoting Anonymous:

thats exactly what my friends are telling me but im such a wimp

Quoting joshsgirl12:

Just come out and ask him



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