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Is It My Place?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies

My 21 year old cousin is pregnant again! She has a DD 3, and a DS, 2. She hasn't formally told our family, but her sister confirmed it with me last night. She wants an abortion because this child would have a different father and he's recently been sent to jail (not sure why). I'm not exactly sure how far along she is, but I think 7 or 8 weeks. I know that if she waits too long she won't be able to get one, and I know she can't afford it. I don't think my Aunt will try and talk her out of it because she's financially supporting her current two grand kids and barely getting by. Now that you know the back story, is it my place to tell her to not get one? We've been close our whole lives and she doesn't know that I know she's pregnant. I just really don't know if I could remain close to her if she went through with it. 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:40 PM
This is a hard one. I had someone close to me have an abortion and, being pro-life, it was very hard for me. Albeit this person was family and the child would have been my niece or nephew. I tried to be supportive but when it came down to it, I just couldn't. It caused a lot of hard feelings between the 3 of us (the couple and myself) but we did eventually get over it and are all very close again.

If you can support her, then I think you should tell her you know and will support her whether she chooses abortion or not. If you can't support her, you should probably just keep it to yourself. Whether you're pro-life or pro-choice, the fact remains that it is her decision, her body and her baby. I'm sure she's making an informed decision and if her mind is made up, you're not likely to change it. Damage or destroy your relationship, yes, but not change her mind.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:45 PM

I want to just keep to myself, because after all I know it's not my business, but I am the type of person who wants to save. And I know I'd feel it was somehow my fault if she gets an abortion. Thank you for being so kind!

Quoting Anonymous:

This is a hard one. I had someone close to me have an abortion and, being pro-life, it was very hard for me. Albeit this person was family and the child would have been my niece or nephew. I tried to be supportive but when it came down to it, I just couldn't. It caused a lot of hard feelings between the 3 of us (the couple and myself) but we did eventually get over it and are all very close again.

If you can support her, then I think you should tell her you know and will support her whether she chooses abortion or not. If you can't support her, you should probably just keep it to yourself. Whether you're pro-life or pro-choice, the fact remains that it is her decision, her body and her baby. I'm sure she's making an informed decision and if her mind is made up, you're not likely to change it. Damage or destroy your relationship, yes, but not change her mind.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:54 PM
1 mom liked this
You're very welcome, I teach my children to always be kind so I think it's important to try to always be kind as well. :)

I felt the same way as you did. That I wanted to save that baby and when I couldn't that I failed him/her. But I have now come to realize that nothing I said or did (and nothing else I could have said or done) would have changed their minds. Do I agree with their decision and their reasons for coming to that decision? Absolutely not. But I do respect that it was their decision to make and that they made the decision that was right for them.

In hindsight, I wish I would have never known. Unfortunately you do know and you can't just forget about it. It's easy for me to say now that I should have kept my mouth shut or that you should keep your opinion to yourself, but I just couldn't do that at the time. While I think it would be best for you to not say anything, I do recognize that it may not be a possibility for you either. I am one who speaks my mind so to not say something about something I felt so strongly about wasn't possible for me. But I do wish I had been able to contain it. The things I said and did had no effect on their decision to abort, and even though we're good now, I can't take back what happened and I really wish I could. It's just a tough, crappy situation no matter what.


Quoting Anonymous:

I want to just keep to myself, because after all I know it's not my business, but I am the type of person who wants to save. And I know I'd feel it was somehow my fault if she gets an abortion. Thank you for being so kind!

Quoting Anonymous:

This is a hard one. I had someone close to me have an abortion and, being pro-life, it was very hard for me. Albeit this person was family and the child would have been my niece or nephew. I tried to be supportive but when it came down to it, I just couldn't. It caused a lot of hard feelings between the 3 of us (the couple and myself) but we did eventually get over it and are all very close again.



If you can support her, then I think you should tell her you know and will support her whether she chooses abortion or not. If you can't support her, you should probably just keep it to yourself. Whether you're pro-life or pro-choice, the fact remains that it is her decision, her body and her baby. I'm sure she's making an informed decision and if her mind is made up, you're not likely to change it. Damage or destroy your relationship, yes, but not change her mind.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:56 PM
No, it's not your place unless you plan on completely financially supporting her child and paying her medical bills for her to keep the pregnancy.
VannaMae307
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 4:58 PM

Unless you plan on adopting it and supporting it for the rest of its life, while paying for the extra food and medical bills during her pregnancy on top of it, no, it's not. It is her business and her responsibility.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 9, 2013 at 5:01 PM

Well, I don't plan to because I'm not the one who got pregnant. 

Quoting Anonymous:

No, it's not your place unless you plan on completely financially supporting her child and paying her medical bills for her to keep the pregnancy.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 9, 2013 at 5:03 PM

No, I don't plan to. It wouldn't be my responsibility to, I got an IUD inserted after DS was born because I knew I wouldn't be able to go through with an abortion and can't afford another child right now.

Quoting VannaMae307:

Unless you plan on adopting it and supporting it for the rest of its life, while paying for the extra food and medical bills during her pregnancy on top of it, no, it's not. It is her business and her responsibility.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 9, 2013 at 5:05 PM
Then let it go.

Quoting Anonymous:

Well, I don't plan to because I'm not the one who got pregnant. 

Quoting Anonymous:

No, it's not your place unless you plan on completely financially supporting her child and paying her medical bills for her to keep the pregnancy.


VannaMae307
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 5:06 PM

Then, unfortunately, you have no say in what she does with it. I know it's something that you don't agree with and I can definitely understand the frustration, to be on the outside looking in and not be able to say something to stop it, but as difficult as it is, you have to let HER choose.

Are you close with the girl? Maybe when this is all over you could talk to her and say you like your IUD, it's been real good to you, it's a reliable birth control, etc. You have the experience with it and you could use it to educate her for future situations.

Quoting Anonymous:

No, I don't plan to. It wouldn't be my responsibility to, I got an IUD inserted after DS was born because I knew I wouldn't be able to go through with an abortion and can't afford another child right now.

Quoting VannaMae307:

Unless you plan on adopting it and supporting it for the rest of its life, while paying for the extra food and medical bills during her pregnancy on top of it, no, it's not. It is her business and her responsibility.




Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 9, 2013 at 5:12 PM

We've always been close, yes. Telling her about my IUD is a good idea! Thank you. I did mention it to her when I got it in almost a year and a half ago, but we'll need to actaully go into details and pros/cons. 

Quoting VannaMae307:

Then, unfortunately, you have no say in what she does with it. I know it's something that you don't agree with and I can definitely understand the frustration, to be on the outside looking in and not be able to say something to stop it, but as difficult as it is, you have to let HER choose.

Are you close with the girl? Maybe when this is all over you could talk to her and say you like your IUD, it's been real good to you, it's a reliable birth control, etc. You have the experience with it and you could use it to educate her for future situations.

Quoting Anonymous:

No, I don't plan to. It wouldn't be my responsibility to, I got an IUD inserted after DS was born because I knew I wouldn't be able to go through with an abortion and can't afford another child right now.

Quoting VannaMae307:

Unless you plan on adopting it and supporting it for the rest of its life, while paying for the extra food and medical bills during her pregnancy on top of it, no, it's not. It is her business and her responsibility.





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