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last night I was feeling really depressed and had thoughts going through my head

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 4 Replies

DF plays a game, one of his games there is a girl in his group. I always feel jealous when he talks to her. I've talked to her and play with them as well. Shes a really nice girl, I just feel jealous alot.

Last night, while feeling deressed I was trying to figure out why I am so jealous. And its because I don't feel like I'm worth being loved. I guess I'm expecting him to cheat on me, because who could love me. No reason to waste your time on me. 

I hate myself more then anyone could hate me. I really do. If I didn't have kids I would not be alive. I am 100% honest about that. 3 years ago, I tried to take my life. I saw how that effected my kids while I was in the hospital for a week. I promised them I would never do that to them again. I will keep my promise. 

I hate that I hate myself. I hate all the negetive feelings I have about myself. I want to love myself. But I have nothing to love about myself. I can look in the mirror and not find one pretty thing about myself. I have no friends because I know if I tried to have friends they would see the bad that I see in me. I am so tired all the time. I could sleep all day just to get away from myself. I hate being tired so much, but I can't help it. 

My only wish is that I could feel normal. I don't know what that feeling is.

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 9, 2013 at 6:00 PM
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Replies (1-4):
thecoffeefairy
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 6:02 PM
You are clinically depressed. An antidepressant would do you wonders. Then you can start changing little things so you like yourself. Hang in there.
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kissesxoxo8882
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 6:05 PM
You need help hun please talk to a doc asap
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Nynnie
by Gold Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 6:23 PM
Have u tried going to a therapist? That's who u should go to for help because u have something wrong in ur brain that's causing u to feel like that. It could be something going on now in ur life, or u something could have happened in ur chilldhood, or u could have some kind of imbalance. Feel free to pm me if u'd like and I'll try to help u, or u could just have somebody to talk to about it. I'm glad u love ur kids enough not to leave them.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 9, 2013 at 6:39 PM
I feel the same. For the past month, I have put my life on hold to sleep or drink. Sleeping, I'm"dead to the world" and I don't have to be conscious to deal with my thoughts. When I go drinking, I'm with friends who distract me from reality. Until I drink too much and become an emotional crying fool forced out of the bar, that causes me to go back to sleeping all day. I will sleep rather than look for a job, clean, do laundry, etc. I tel myself EVERY single day when I get up to take my kids to school that TODAY I will go apply for that job I heard about. I will wash a few loads, I will clean my house. But I can't. I get back home and get this overwhelming"I hate my life, fuck everything" feeling and go to sleep. I wake up with barely enough time to get the kids from school. I battle the feeling daily that I just need to go pack their stuff and give them to gma. I will seriously walk around my house with. "fuck my life, I hate my life" playing in my head. I'll go to pull food out for dinner and think"fuck this shit, I don't feel like it" & order delivery. I struggle and force myself through homework, school functions and activities with the kids. When I take them somewhere fun, I sit there begging them in my head to come tell me they are ready to leave. If I do actually apply for a job, I'll sleep through the interview, I CAN'T wake up!
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