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Did you struggle growing up? This makes me so mad! I don't understand him.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

This isn't a bash post.. I'm honestly curious. My parents were young parents, 17.  For me, my parents were for a very short time on PA about a year.  My dad has always been an extremely hard worker.Right now he's almost 60 and works 70 hrs a week driving semi ( and has since I was a child) so he can afford my mom's medical insurance because she has stage 4  breast cancer. I feel bad for him, he's getting older and tired.  When we were growing up, my parents ALWAYS provided to the best of their ablility, we may not have always had the latest clothes and I remember one time my dad actually had to take a minimum wage job at a tourist attraction for money  when he got laid off and my mom had to get our christmas presents from a church.  My mom was always there to greet us when we got off the bus (SAHM) and she was the best! There were times when my family struggled, but we always had a nice FAMILY Christmas and we would always get the gift we wanted for birthdays or Christmas even if its the only thing we got.  Many times my dad had to take two or 3 jobs to pay bills before he got another good job and our family was filled with love.  I remember one year when I was 7, I wanted a My little pony paradise estate and my dad did extra work so I could get one. They are in a much better financial situation now, but they barely had high school educations when they had kids.  They were the best I could ask for.

My brother loves to make my parents feel awful about the things he didn't have.  He tells them, I don't want my kids raised poor like we were (Meanwhile, he delivers pizzas, cheats on his wife and treats his kids awfully).. Not only has he told my mom to "Stop using chemo as an excuse" to not watch his kids (She gets it every two weeks and is sick for about 3 days after)..  he tells my mom that my dad was a shitty dad because he didn't get everything he wanted.  He's always saying things like "my kids will never grow up like we did" to my mom constantly.  Sometimes she cries over it and my heart breaks.  He's so mean to her and I just don't understand why.  I have another brother who adores my parents as well.  He's even gone so far as to say my parents were abusive to him to other members of our family.  This NEVER happened and it makes me so sad for them!

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:11 PM
Replies (21-30):
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:32 PM

That's so sweet and I even feel bad that your dad feels bad :)

Quoting sampson200:

My father once apologized for not trying harder to get me into the private college I was accepted to, instead of the state college.

We didn't have the funds, we were middle class, thus no finacial aid and they were going to have THREE children in college for 2 years at one point so we were told we all had to attend state colleges.

I would so sad that my father felt badly, years later, about this.

He paid for ALL of us to get through colleges; and my sisters even attended a Big Ten school, Indiana University, with education degrees and graduated magna cum laude and I graduated with honors at my college.

I mean, the man worked his way up to vice president of a huge company with no college degree for 40 years, got all of his children through college, still married to the same gal he fell in love with in high school, has traveled the world and did it ALL FOR US, and here he is, feeling regret because I couldn't go to a private college?

He got a huge hug that day and a "Dad, stop talking crazy. I love my life today" talk from me.

Quoting heresjohnny:

I also grew up poor. I love my parents and would NEVER throw it in their faces. A couple years ago my dad actually apologized to me about my poor upbringing. I just laughed and said there was nothing to apologize for. My brothers and I are all doing well enough financially, have no addictions, and no criminal records. There's more to being a good parent than providing material things.

by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:34 PM
1 mom liked this
Oh, lord. He's not too smart, is he? Does he not realize, that at age 30, cameras and insta-photos and also, as we call it 'whoring out your kids with a billion pics' is a rather new phenomenon that people under the age of 25 don't 'get' today? I am 37...... the amount of baby pics I have of myself isn't huge...and my father was a novice photography buff, too!!!! Meaning we probably had more pics in the 70s than average families. Sounds like he trying to find ways to blame mom and dad for HIS bad choices as an adult. One of my friends who had a truly horrible childhood (teen mother, was told her whole life she was unwanted, was left for 3 days alone while her 19 year old mom partied and was put into foster care, etc) said that sure, she could blame her mother on her childhood, but she cannot blame her mother on her own choices as an adult. True adults OWN their faults and mistakes and choices; perpetual children always find a way to point the finger at someone else.
Quoting Anonymous:

It all started because I visited my parents this past weekend. They live 7 hours away and I brought pics of the kids for my mom.  My brother than went on a huge tirade about how we never had pics taken when we were kids because we were "too poor".. My mom said that she always bought the school pictures, but bought the small package.  He said "yeah, but you never took us anywhere to get professional pics done, I'll NEVER do that to my kids" and I got upset with him and told him not to be so rude and he started screaming and left.  He's 30 years old... Not a baby.

by Platinum Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:34 PM

 I remember being teased sooo badly in school because I had jordach tennis shoes from walmart instead of nike/reeboks . . . I remember crying so hard because even though I knew my mom (a single mom of 3 who didn't receive cs from my dad for months at a time) bought me things that looked like what was popular inevitably I would be backed into a locker because in the end it wasn't the same . . . and I remember my first pair of reebok classics being scared to mess them up because if I did I knew I couldn't get another pair and then seeing my mom not packing a lunch in the mornings for a while after . . . she loved us and tried sooo hard, but I will still say I will never let my kids know what that feels like . . . mom was always stressed, she yelled a lot, she would go out at night when I had turned 13 and not come back until morning and me and the younger sibs would camp out in the basement in her room because I didn't like being home alone . . . No my children will never know what I went through and as much as I know my mom tried, some things still hurt to this day . . .

by Platinum Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:35 PM

 I am sorry that your Mom,is having to go through that...sounds like she's a fighter though and I hope she will win her battle. I know how hard it must be for you and your family. You Dad sounds like a super Father,one who cares alot about his family and does everything he can to take care of them.

Your one brother on the other hand needs to have a reality check and someday he will. It may not be for awhile but,at some point in the futurehe will understand how devastating whathe is doing and saying right now is. Sad that his children have be around that. Sadder still that he is hurtig your Mom and Dad that much and doesn't care.

huggingHugs Momma!

by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:35 PM

 Well, I don't get along with my parents, I am 2nd out of 4 kids.  My parents, in my opinion were awful, mean and just mean.  I worked hard to get where I am, married a really, really great guy. Have a special needs teenager.  My mother continues to call me "greedy". She has never really done anything for me and knows it.   Your brother probably felt your parents stress, and somehow his miserable life is their fault.  Now, don't take it to heart. Let it go.  I just don't visit my parents and have been removed from the will.  I, only talk to one of my siblings, but I know she will stab me in the back if my parents asked to.  Just don't get involved, we all veiw childhood differently and want different things from life, your brother hasn't figured it out yet or he may never will.  Good Luck.

by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:37 PM

What an ass. I hope karma gets him. Jerk!

by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:37 PM

Sounds like your brother needs to be completely cut off and doing it ALL on his own including his child care needs. He sounds like an ungrateful disrespectful child who needs to learn some very hard lessons. I grew up much like you except my bio dad wasn't there at all and my mom did it all by herself. Instead of bashing her for it I am very thankful for everything she did for me and my 2 siblings. Without her we would have had no one.

by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:37 PM

It's possible he's suffering from depression or needs to talk to someone about his feelings. He sounds very angry and bitter and doesn't know how to express himself without being negative.

by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:38 PM

That made me sad for your parents just reading that.

by Nikki on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:40 PM

I have a brother like that also. Sometimes I hear him talk and think...Did we grow up in the same house? 

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