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Did you struggle growing up? This makes me so mad! I don't understand him.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

This isn't a bash post.. I'm honestly curious. My parents were young parents, 17.  For me, my parents were for a very short time on PA about a year.  My dad has always been an extremely hard worker.Right now he's almost 60 and works 70 hrs a week driving semi ( and has since I was a child) so he can afford my mom's medical insurance because she has stage 4  breast cancer. I feel bad for him, he's getting older and tired.  When we were growing up, my parents ALWAYS provided to the best of their ablility, we may not have always had the latest clothes and I remember one time my dad actually had to take a minimum wage job at a tourist attraction for money  when he got laid off and my mom had to get our christmas presents from a church.  My mom was always there to greet us when we got off the bus (SAHM) and she was the best! There were times when my family struggled, but we always had a nice FAMILY Christmas and we would always get the gift we wanted for birthdays or Christmas even if its the only thing we got.  Many times my dad had to take two or 3 jobs to pay bills before he got another good job and our family was filled with love.  I remember one year when I was 7, I wanted a My little pony paradise estate and my dad did extra work so I could get one. They are in a much better financial situation now, but they barely had high school educations when they had kids.  They were the best I could ask for.

My brother loves to make my parents feel awful about the things he didn't have.  He tells them, I don't want my kids raised poor like we were (Meanwhile, he delivers pizzas, cheats on his wife and treats his kids awfully).. Not only has he told my mom to "Stop using chemo as an excuse" to not watch his kids (She gets it every two weeks and is sick for about 3 days after)..  he tells my mom that my dad was a shitty dad because he didn't get everything he wanted.  He's always saying things like "my kids will never grow up like we did" to my mom constantly.  Sometimes she cries over it and my heart breaks.  He's so mean to her and I just don't understand why.  I have another brother who adores my parents as well.  He's even gone so far as to say my parents were abusive to him to other members of our family.  This NEVER happened and it makes me so sad for them!

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:11 PM
Replies (31-40):
sampson200
by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:41 PM

He had told my mom this. Said it was one of his big regrets. Of course, she tells me because she thinks he's crazy.

My father will always see his girls as 5 years old.

I know that ANY time I want to better myself with schooling, all I need to is ask; because education is important.

My father grew up the son of a chicken farmer. None of those kids went to college. My father rec'd his bachelor's degree when I was in middle school. He then rec'd his masters degree 10 years ago. He is now retired, but still working in his field because he cannot sit still.

We didn't have money, but we had gumption and drive and parents who always said we could do or be anything. They were examples to us.

It sounds like your brother got mocked when he was younger for having the wrong shoes or jeans or an old coat and is holding on to those ignorant teenage taunts that we all get. Also, he probably isn't a very driven person. I mean, he's supporting a family at age 30 by delivering pizzas? That is what you do in high school to learn what a job is and make some extra money to buy music and go to the movies, or something you do because you lost your job and it's a temp thing.

He probably feels guilty for his poor life choices and wants to place that guilt on to something else.

Small minded people always look for ways to turn the negative from them and on to others so they do not have to face reality.

It's horrible what he's doing, and as my sibling, I would have no issues saying this to him.

Quoting Anonymous:


That's so sweet and I even feel bad that your dad feels bad :)

Quoting sampson200:

My father once apologized for not trying harder to get me into the private college I was accepted to, instead of the state college.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:44 PM

Oh and heres another story about what a great parent he is, you know NOT being like my parents and all..LOL 

This weekend my mom was watching his 3 kids and the youngest goes to the window and sees a little african american boy that lives about two doors down riding his bike.. He's about 6, so my sons age and my neices age.  We know the kid, so I said "It's nice outside, why don't you go outside and play?"  My niece looks and me and said "because my dad doesn't let us play with porch monkies".. UH WHAT???? You teach your kids to say that?? When they live in a racially diverse area?? I told her that it wasn't nice to say those things and let my son go out and play and they had a great time while she sat in front of the TV.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:45 PM

You are absolutely right.  It's like you KNOW him!  LOL  You sound lke you have a great family :)


YQuoting sampson200:

He had told my mom this. Said it was one of his big regrets. Of course, she tells me because she thinks he's crazy.

My father will always see his girls as 5 years old.

I know that ANY time I want to better myself with schooling, all I need to is ask; because education is important.

My father grew up the son of a chicken farmer. None of those kids went to college. My father rec'd his bachelor's degree when I was in middle school. He then rec'd his masters degree 10 years ago. He is now retired, but still working in his field because he cannot sit still.

We didn't have money, but we had gumption and drive and parents who always said we could do or be anything. They were examples to us.

It sounds like your brother got mocked when he was younger for having the wrong shoes or jeans or an old coat and is holding on to those ignorant teenage taunts that we all get. Also, he probably isn't a very driven person. I mean, he's supporting a family at age 30 by delivering pizzas? That is what you do in high school to learn what a job is and make some extra money to buy music and go to the movies, or something you do because you lost your job and it's a temp thing.

He probably feels guilty for his poor life choices and wants to place that guilt on to something else.

Small minded people always look for ways to turn the negative from them and on to others so they do not have to face reality.

It's horrible what he's doing, and as my sibling, I would have no issues saying this to him.

Quoting Anonymous:


That's so sweet and I even feel bad that your dad feels bad :)

Quoting sampson200:

My father once apologized for not trying harder to get me into the private college I was accepted to, instead of the state college.



Not_A_Native
by Platinum Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:47 PM

Your brother is merely a jerk.  He's the type that would have something to complain about no matter what.

My father always worked (it was the 50's and 60's - women didn't work, lol).  He made pretty good money, but my parent were raised in the depression, and they both grew up VERY poor.  No PA - didn't really exist back then.  Didn't get doctor or dentist visits, many times didn't have enough to eat - they both remember growing up hungry.

As a result, they were fanatical about saving money.  We had few toys (not "useful"), my mom always cooked everything from scratch.  My dad sewed (was a parachute rigger in WWII).  I was never hungry (they made SURE of that), but extras?  No, not really.  Although my father COULD have afforded a lot more, it just wasn't spent.  Just the way it was.

RaynesMommy07
by Platinum Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:51 PM

Yes, we struggled a lot growing up.  Mainly just when my father got hurt on the job and couldn't work any longer.  My mom was a nanny for awhile and then got hit by a car in a parking lot and really messed her up.  It was one of those domino effect type things.  We went from pretty nice things to little of nothing over night.  Yes, they had PA for awhile until my dad could get back to work and my mom was never ok again after getting into the accident.  I would NEVER make them or anyone else feel bad for things that was out of their control.  They did the best they could and I learned a lot from growing up like that.  Even though, I went on to graduate college and make a very decent salary, I still never take it for granted and I NEVER look down on others who are on or need PA.

sampson200
by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:53 PM
1 mom liked this

Most people are rather transparent, and shocked when they're told that what they're trying to accomplish is rather obvious.

Your brother needs a swift kick in the pants and a 'get over it' talking to. My father would also kindly tell me, "You take the elephant one bite at a time".

And yes, I have an amazing family. My mom is one of my best friends, my father is basically Charles Ingalls from Little House (seriously) and my sisters are hilarious and loving and protective. We all own our homes and my sisters are married to their HS sweethearts, since the late 90s, and we have FUN together and cry together and tell each other to get over it when need be.

And all this from a, gasp, not well-to-do upbringing and family members who are screwed up and blame others and have been in jail and do drugs and are unhappy people.....we just got lucky....I don't know......we feel damn blessed to have been given the parents we have.

Your brother should see some REAL families who give their children horrific childhoods or even just 'always sad' childhoods......I don't think he realizes childhood wasn't that bad.....and it's HIM who has the issues that only HE can fix.

Quoting Anonymous:

You are absolutely right.  It's like you KNOW him!  LOL  You sound lke you have a great family :)


YQuoting sampson200:

He had told my mom this.

butterbabie
by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:58 PM
1 mom liked this
I see this type of thing happen all the time. When a parent breaks their back providing what they can for their children and the child doesnt see past what he didnt have. It hurts. Once his Mother is going, whether of natural causes or complications from her disease, he is going to suffer his loss. There is that saying, you dont know what youve got til its gone.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 11, 2013 at 2:05 PM
I hear ya. I was raised by grandmother because my mother got on drugs. My grandma did not work. She recieved cash aid and food stamps from the government. I already felt bad that she had to take me and my brother in. I just knew not to ask for name brand clothing. We had hot meals daily and I love to eat so I felt lucky. Yea at times I would pout to myself but I did not let my grandma see me do it.


Quoting BabyBrooke13:

 I remember being teased sooo badly in school because I had jordach tennis shoes from walmart instead of nike/reeboks . . . I remember crying so hard because even though I knew my mom (a single mom of 3 who didn't receive cs from my dad for months at a time) bought me things that looked like what was popular inevitably I would be backed into a locker because in the end it wasn't the same . . . and I remember my first pair of reebok classics being scared to mess them up because if I did I knew I couldn't get another pair and then seeing my mom not packing a lunch in the mornings for a while after . . . she loved us and tried sooo hard, but I will still say I will never let my kids know what that feels like . . . mom was always stressed, she yelled a lot, she would go out at night when I had turned 13 and not come back until morning and me and the younger sibs would camp out in the basement in her room because I didn't like being home alone . . . No my children will never know what I went through and as much as I know my mom tried, some things still hurt to this day . . .


Gardeningmom4
by Ruby Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 2:10 PM

I was thinking almost the exact same thing.I would be beating his ass and any time he opened his mouth up so say something like that I would chew his ass out.


Quoting D.O.E.:

holy shit......i would beat him with a 2x4. in a field. and then leave him there for the night.

what an asshole



Lalalie
by Gold Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 2:55 PM

Your brother sounds awful. I would talk to him, and put him in his damn place.


My mother was a single parent, and did struggle but she was a wonderful mother and gave me everything she could. All she did was cause me to be super grateful for what we did have, and she taught me what it was to do your best. I was always proud of how hard she worked, and I would never ever in a million years consider myself better than her despite how far my education goes, or whatever job I get/have. She will always be my role model, and who I look up to when I think of a great parent.

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