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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I threw up my dinner

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 16 Replies

On purpose.

I was anorexic in high school and used to be so thin.

I met DH and he helped me cope with my emotions and attain a normal weight.

Then I had two babies and have ballooned up 80 pounds.

I have PCOS, I feel so fat and disgusting and as a result of growing apart from DH I have become an emotional binge eater instead of starving myself. I worked so so so so so hard the last 6 months and have lost 30 lbs but now I'm fucking stuck. It doesn't matter what I eat or how much I work out, I can't get below 200 pounds. 

I am also nursing my second child so I don't want to completely restrict my calories and risk my milk supply. 

But I ate way too much for dinner tonight as fucking usual. And I felt so fucking disgusting until I excused myself to the bathroom and stuck my fingers down my throat. It made me feel fantastic to throw up all that food. I feel light and happy.

I know it isn't a good path to go down, but I'm already thinking of what else I can eat and just throw it right back up... win-win. 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
20Keller12
by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:43 AM
1 mom liked this
Did you know that by not eating/throwing up before you can digest your food, you actually slow your metabolism, and make losing weight even harder? Not to mention your body goes into starvation mode, storing EVERY calorie you ingest. Eating small, frequent, healthy meals is a far better way to lose weight. It keeps your metabolism going, and therefore burning calories.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:47 AM
I was on that road before, no one knew and I about killed myself. I didn't realize how dangerous it really was, I saw size. One day I saw death. Don't do that, your kids need you healthy. I went from 200 pounds to a healthier 140 simply running and eating healthy. You can and should do it better.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:47 AM

I had been eating 5 small meals a day, heavy on fruits and veg, lean protiens, no condiments. Lots of water. Some caffiene. Working out 30-60 minutes 4-6 days a week.

 I had great results at first and then just stopped. The last 2 months I have been stuck at the same weight, and when I gave up and started eating basically whatever the fuck I want I only gained 3 lbs.

I fucking hate my body, I don't care about my metabolism anymore. I don't care if being anorexic wrecks your body; I want my kids to have a thin mom they are proud of, I want to be proud of myself and have my husband be proud of me. 

The most fucked up thing is he's kind of heavy and I love and am attracted to him. I know that my worth should be more than my weight but I can't get past how much I hate my fat self. 

Quoting 20Keller12:

Did you know that by not eating/throwing up before you can digest your food, you actually slow your metabolism, and make losing weight even harder? Not to mention your body goes into starvation mode, storing EVERY calorie you ingest. Eating small, frequent, healthy meals is a far better way to lose weight. It keeps your metabolism going, and therefore burning calories.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:49 AM

At least I'd look good in my coffin. I'm kidding, kind of. 

Quoting Anonymous:

I was on that road before, no one knew and I about killed myself. I didn't realize how dangerous it really was, I saw size. One day I saw death. Don't do that, your kids need you healthy. I went from 200 pounds to a healthier 140 simply running and eating healthy. You can and should do it better.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:51 AM
A mom of health and curves is better than a skinny one who is dead.


Quoting Anonymous:

At least I'd look good in my coffin. I'm kidding, kind of. 

Quoting Anonymous:

I was on that road before, no one knew and I about killed myself. I didn't realize how dangerous it really was, I saw size. One day I saw death. Don't do that, your kids need you healthy. I went from 200 pounds to a healthier 140 simply running and eating healthy. You can and should do it better.



Supervane
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:52 AM
Don't do our your teeth will pay the price! You wanna be skinny with nasty teeth... Yuck then you'll really be disgusted when you look in the mirror.

Instead of binge eating portion control yourself.
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20Keller12
by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:54 AM
How tall are you? And keep in mind it could be your body structure. At 5'2" I couldn't get below 125 to save my life. I just had too much muscle and very heavy bones. Now, at 5'6" and 140 pounds, my thighs and butt look gross, because they're so muscular. Meanwhile, I can count my ribs, clearly see my ENTIRE pelvic bone, and my entire spine. Even though my thighs make me look grossly fat, I'm actually underweight. I would talk to your doctor about it all.


Quoting Anonymous:

I had been eating 5 small meals a day, heavy on fruits and veg, lean protiens, no condiments. Lots of water. Some caffiene. Working out 30-60 minutes 4-6 days a week.

 I had great results at first and then just stopped. The last 2 months I have been stuck at the same weight, and when I gave up and started eating basically whatever the fuck I want I only gained 3 lbs.

I fucking hate my body, I don't care about my metabolism anymore. I don't care if being anorexic wrecks your body; I want my kids to have a thin mom they are proud of, I want to be proud of myself and have my husband be proud of me. 

The most fucked up thing is he's kind of heavy and I love and am attracted to him. I know that my worth should be more than my weight but I can't get past how much I hate my fat self. 

Quoting 20Keller12:

Did you know that by not eating/throwing up before you can digest your food, you actually slow your metabolism, and make losing weight even harder? Not to mention your body goes into starvation mode, storing EVERY calorie you ingest. Eating small, frequent, healthy meals is a far better way to lose weight. It keeps your metabolism going, and therefore burning calories.



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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:56 AM

That's what I learned years ago from the pro ana/mia sites I frequented, but I figure it can't be too bad if I rinse after every time. 

I should, I know but it's honestly like an addiction. I don't even realize I'm eating so much until the whole huge bowl of pasta is gone or ice cream or bread or what the fuck ever. And yeah, getting little bits and just going back for more and more and more and more. 

I feel so fuuuuuuuucking gross. I know, just don't buy it. I know. But ..yeah. Why not just eat reasonably and one time every night eat whatever the fuck I want and just get rid of it? Honestly, I don't really see the problem. 

Quoting Supervane:

Don't do our your teeth will pay the price! You wanna be skinny with nasty teeth... Yuck then you'll really be disgusted when you look in the mirror.

Instead of binge eating portion control yourself.


Fields456
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 3:57 AM
And once u starting eating right again u will gain the weight back u lost starving your myself and then some.


Quoting 20Keller12:

Did you know that by not eating/throwing up before you can digest your food, you actually slow your metabolism, and make losing weight even harder? Not to mention your body goes into starvation mode, storing EVERY calorie you ingest. Eating small, frequent, healthy meals is a far better way to lose weight. It keeps your metabolism going, and therefore burning calories.

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Supervane
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 4:01 AM
Um no hun its acid you can't just rinse the damage away with water. I can assure you that no dentist in the pro Ana Web sites advocates for any of those dental tips.

It sounds like you're fully aware of what your doing and have no intention of stopping or finding a solution.


Quoting Anonymous:

That's what I learned years ago from the pro ana/mia sites I frequented, but I figure it can't be too bad if I rinse after every time. 

I should, I know but it's honestly like an addiction. I don't even realize I'm eating so much until the whole huge bowl of pasta is gone or ice cream or bread or what the fuck ever. And yeah, getting little bits and just going back for more and more and more and more. 

I feel so fuuuuuuuucking gross. I know, just don't buy it. I know. But ..yeah. Why not just eat reasonably and one time every night eat whatever the fuck I want and just get rid of it? Honestly, I don't really see the problem. 

Quoting Supervane:

Don't do our your teeth will pay the price! You wanna be skinny with nasty teeth... Yuck then you'll really be disgusted when you look in the mirror.



Instead of binge eating portion control yourself.



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