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when do you make your kids become independent?

me and a co worker had a talk on this earlier today so i just wanted to get some other opinions.......not that it'll change my view, but an interesting topic.

i'm a fan of teaching my dd to be independent as she gets older. since she was in school, i have the firm belief that if her hair is too long or not a style SHE can keep up with..................she needs a different one. I'll do her hair for her on occassion but not regularly. this is how my mom raised me, i learned how to do make up, hair, simply how to be a woman on my own. I spent my elementary school days playing dress up. jr high, stayed up all night playing with my hair, etc. well dd is ALWAYS going to school with her hair looking like crap, pulling it up in a half ass pony tail......yes she has a mirror in her room, brush, comb, all the "needs" to fix her hair RIGHT.

so when did or have you stopped helpign your child do their hair and at what point to do you make them learn how to be independent?

by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 10:42 AM
Replies (11-20):
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 12, 2013 at 10:54 AM
I kind of follow Ericksons dev. model.
I think in toddlerhood allowing child to gain some independence is important, but you don't want to do it to the point where they feel unsafe or unnurtured. I allow my son to do things I know he can do and try things he wants to try in a safe environment. As he grows and becomes more coordinated I give him more tasks. And I always let him try something if he thinks he can do it, as long as it's safe to do so.
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by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 10:55 AM
Dd6 and dd8 have just started taking their own showers instead of me giving them a bath. As far as their hair the are responsibl for getting it brushed and pinning their bangs back. If the want anything special done to it, I fix it.
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by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 12, 2013 at 10:55 AM
1 mom liked this

my mom drives all the way from Mississippi to Florida every single night so she can be here to do my hair in the morning....

i hate how she pulls my tangles though! argh! i mean..really mom..have some freakin' consideration!

i am in my forties.. i thought this was pretty much the norm?

by Gold Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 10:55 AM
My dd is almost 6. I still do her hair, its very curly and has to have product in it. I will continue to do it until she needs help. I have curly hair and my mom did my hair until I was about 13. Dd does a lot for herself though she is very independent other than doing her hair.
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by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 10:57 AM
1 mom liked this

Independence comes a little at a time. You can't really say a specific age as every child is different. You have to know your child and give them more independence as they seem to be growing and maturing. Be careful of pushing them into independence too quickly, you'll miss the days they "needed" you. :)

by Platinum Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 10:57 AM
The younger the better. My son is two, and can get, pour and put back his own milk, get his own healthy snacks ( we leave a choice of healthy fruit within arms reach on the table), he takes his plate to the sink after meals, has chores and expectations.

Nothing earth shattering here, but we encourage him to be self- sufficient and have created an environment where he can be successful at it.

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by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 10:58 AM

My DD is only 3 so she obviously can't do her own hair yet. I don't know what I will do, probably something that is easy for her. She did have hair to the middle of her back, but she would throw such a fit about me fixing it that I cut it to a chin length A-line, it's cute on her and a lot less high maintenance. If she lets me help her I will if she wants longer hair when she gets a little older, but if she wants to do it herself then I imagine I will keep it short so it's easier for her.  She also has muscle issues in her left arm so that may prevent her from doing it herself, we'll see.

My mom did my hair everyday until 8th grade. Yes, you read that right. I finally cut it super short in a pixie then I learned how to do it myself from there. I kind of wish I could have learned earlier, I may have been better at doing my own hair, I still suck at it.

by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 10:58 AM
I still fix my dd8 and dd7 hair. My dd8 opted for a shorter cut, b/c she does not want ponytails. My dd7 has really long hair, and she loves piggy tails, ponytails, braids, whatever. And I enjoy doing it. (1 of the many reasons I wanted daughters).
I am currently teaching dd8 to wash her hair, and on busy mornings she has asked to fix it herself, and i let her. I like that she's showing an interest on becoming independent. :)
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by on Mar. 12, 2013 at 10:58 AM

In my opinion, when they can do something for themselves, they should do it. With hair styles, I will do a special one for them or show them how to do it, otherwise they take care of their own hair.

by Platinum Member on Mar. 12, 2013 at 10:58 AM
My kids now are six and two and they are learning to be independent. I still do my six year old's hair, but that is because she has that black hair and it needs to be braided. I also do my two year old's head and she tries to brush her own hair. When she is old enough she will be doing it on her own, but I will never send her out in public looking any kind of way.

My six year old bathes herself, folds her own laundry, picks out her own clothes for the day, does chores and care for her own things. She is pretty independent. And even my two year old is starting to do a little chores and trying to be like me lol...

Teaching independence isn't a one time lesson. You have to teach them and remind them how to do it right. Just like I would never send my child out in public looking any kind of way. If she doesn't do it right the first time then she has to redo it until it is right
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