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Depressed About My Pregnancy- Drank Heavily Before I Knew

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I am ten weeks pregnant now, and my husband and I just told our families this weekend about the baby.

Everyone is overjoyed.  This baby will be the first grandchild on both sides, and they could not be happier for us.

The problem is that I am incredibly depressed and feel like I would give anything if I could just die suddenly, if the ground could just swallow me whole.  What should be the happiest time in my life has been completely ruined by the fact that I was drinking heavily before I found out I was pregnant, at 4 weeks and a few days after my last period.

My husband and I just started talking about having kids.  We had unprotected sex once, several days before when I was supposed to ovulate.  I left town for a work retreat and was gone throughout my fertile period.  I continued to drink like I normally would- almost nightly, just a glass or 2 of wine, rarely more.  As a precaution, 5-6 days before my period, I took a pregnancy test (the expensive, early detection kind), which was negative.

When I was exactly 28 days from my last period, I had a party night and drank way too much.  I had about 12 glasses of wine and a beer.  I was drunk, but I was not sick or falling over. I am ashamed to say that I even drove myself home after the party that night, with no problems (other than being buzzed).

The next day, a Saturday, I had 3 drinks, then on Sunday I had 4 or 5 beers at a 6 hour long cookout with friends.

The next day, I felt like my period was late, so I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive. 

My doctor says that there is a small but significant chance that my child will have fetal alcohol related birth defects.  He says that a binge drinking episode in the first trimester is the most likely to cause severe damage. 

I am so devastated, I cannot think about anything else other than what I have done to my child, to myself, to my family.  Everyone around me is celebrating, and I am grieving.  I feel like I am being punished for being an idiot and not realizing that once is all it takes to create a life, and one weekend of bad choices has ruined my life and my child's life.

At ten weeks pregnant now, I am too far along to have an abortion without anyone knowing.  (I woudl have to be sedated, which would require someone to drive me to and from the clinic.  My husband will not do it, as he is very prolife and insists that the baby will be fine.)

by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 8:15 PM
Replies (221-230):
by Gold Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Talk to a genetic doctor.  I had a blood test through my doctors office because I suspected that I was pregnant (already late for a period) and it came out negative.  On New Years Eve, upset that I wasn't pregnant and getting ready for surgery, I decided to have a few drinks.  2 martinis w/ grand marnier and 1/2 a bottle of champagne.  I had surgery a few days later and still didn't get my period.  Went to the doctor after the 2nd miss and turned out to be pregnant by 2 1/2 months.  My doctor told me the opposite of what yours did.  He said that the first few weeks of pregnancy that your body protects the fetus and that he would never advocate drinking, that the baby is usually not harmed.  Maybe he said it because I was devistated with myself, maybe it was the truth?  Either way, I have a BEAUTIFUL, extremely smart daughter who is 9 1/2 years and shows no signs of issues. 

I would not beat yourself up about it.  There is nothing that you can do to change what happened unless you're considering abortion.  The hormones secreted from anger and angst are probably just as bad for the baby.  Rejoice in your pregnancy.  Love your baby now and for whatever his or her future holds!  I truly believe that God gives us what we need, protects us from what we cannot handle.  Your life and the life of your baby will be what it is meant to be.  God Bless!

by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:38 PM
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Oh honey, I'm sorry. I found out I was prego 3 weeks after my 30th birthday, I was on vacation for a week with my BFF drinking heavily, I had also dislocated my ankle, got X-rays, and prescription meds all in the first 5 weeks of my pregnancy. My son was born 7 lbs 11 ounces and is now 4 and healthy! No worries until there is a need sweetie.
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by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:38 PM

if its at all possiable STOP stressing ur self out! you cant change the past, learn from it and move on. i was partying hard before i found out i was prego my dd is just fine.

by Gold Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:43 PM
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Ur dr is wrong! A fetus feeds off of the sac for the first 12 weeks until the placenta is developed. Ur drinking more than likely had little to no effect on the baby. I know tons of women who drank and the babies were fine.
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by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:54 PM

Don't beat yourself up about something that hasn't happened yet. My dd was swimming in beer because I can't count my period days. She's fine by the way. Don't stress about it until you have a reason to. 

by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:57 PM

Your doc sounds mean! 

Quoting ATLMom2013:

Thanks again for the replies. I did not know I was pregnant, but I should have been more cautious, knowing that we were talking about having children and that we had eased off birth control (even though we did not have sex in or near the ovulation window).

This baby is happening now, no matter how guilty I feel. I do not mean to sound over dramatic, but two bottles of wine was a lot, especially for four weeks (two weeks post conception, per the doctor). Even before I'd found out I was pregnant, I thought "that was a lot. Best not to do that again."

I am also the first among my friends to get pregnant, so I have no one else who I can ask- "did this happen to you? What did your doctor say?"

My doctor almost makes it seem like I have it coming to me, for my child to have fetal alcohol neurological birth defects, based on what I had to drink. He is not as alarmed by "my history" in general, but the binge night seems to have caused him alarm, and I am having trouble letting myself get over that and letting myself be happy.

by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 8:20 PM
Me too. Both my girls are healthy. Just do not drink at all while pregnant, no exceptions. Take your prenatals and make healthy choices. Also, follow your doctor's directions exactly. Things will be all right.

Quoting hip2it:

I, along with a lot of friends, all drank heavily before finding out we were pregnant.  All the kids are perfectly healthy.  There is risk, but it's not guaranteed.  Don't drink anymore.

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by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 8:20 PM

everything should be fine I had gotten pregnant around christmas and new years and my DH family took us to a bar and well i definatly drank too much. then drove us home to texas and was drinking 5 hour energy shots to stay awake from san bernardino to el paso then crashing at my dads then driving to san antonio taking the energy drink again. i had no clue i was pregnant until i went to the doctors for a yeast infection then a week later had a bladder infection and was back at a different doctor and they told me that i was pregnant. i was upset with my self because i drank alot, smoke alot, and drank energy drinks, but i was told that because i was at an early stage in my pregnancy that it couldn't have effected her too much. don't stress over it just think of the beautiful life that is growing right now.

by Anonymous 50 on Mar. 17, 2013 at 8:21 PM
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Your baby will be fine. The possibility is so tiny bc the first 2 months the baby isn't attached to your blood suply yet bc it's forming its placenta
by Anonymous 51 on Mar. 17, 2013 at 8:22 PM
My SIL drank just about every night for about a month before she found out she was pregnant.

My 18 year old neice is a healthy straight A student.
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