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Depressed About My Pregnancy- Drank Heavily Before I Knew

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I am ten weeks pregnant now, and my husband and I just told our families this weekend about the baby.

Everyone is overjoyed.  This baby will be the first grandchild on both sides, and they could not be happier for us.

The problem is that I am incredibly depressed and feel like I would give anything if I could just die suddenly, if the ground could just swallow me whole.  What should be the happiest time in my life has been completely ruined by the fact that I was drinking heavily before I found out I was pregnant, at 4 weeks and a few days after my last period.

My husband and I just started talking about having kids.  We had unprotected sex once, several days before when I was supposed to ovulate.  I left town for a work retreat and was gone throughout my fertile period.  I continued to drink like I normally would- almost nightly, just a glass or 2 of wine, rarely more.  As a precaution, 5-6 days before my period, I took a pregnancy test (the expensive, early detection kind), which was negative.

When I was exactly 28 days from my last period, I had a party night and drank way too much.  I had about 12 glasses of wine and a beer.  I was drunk, but I was not sick or falling over. I am ashamed to say that I even drove myself home after the party that night, with no problems (other than being buzzed).

The next day, a Saturday, I had 3 drinks, then on Sunday I had 4 or 5 beers at a 6 hour long cookout with friends.

The next day, I felt like my period was late, so I took a pregnancy test, and it was positive. 

My doctor says that there is a small but significant chance that my child will have fetal alcohol related birth defects.  He says that a binge drinking episode in the first trimester is the most likely to cause severe damage. 

I am so devastated, I cannot think about anything else other than what I have done to my child, to myself, to my family.  Everyone around me is celebrating, and I am grieving.  I feel like I am being punished for being an idiot and not realizing that once is all it takes to create a life, and one weekend of bad choices has ruined my life and my child's life.

At ten weeks pregnant now, I am too far along to have an abortion without anyone knowing.  (I woudl have to be sedated, which would require someone to drive me to and from the clinic.  My husband will not do it, as he is very prolife and insists that the baby will be fine.)


by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 8:15 PM
Replies (311-319):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 70 on Mar. 20, 2013 at 6:43 PM

Honestly you'd be killing a healthy baby. I highly doubt there is anything wrong with your child. You need to stop obsessing about it. Lots of women drink the first few weeks without knowing and have healthy babies. I did. Maybe you don't really want to have a child at this point in your life.


Quoting ATLMom2013:

There are still times when I wish that I had the courage weeks ago to have the abortion by pill. The doctor did say to me at my first appointment to confirm the pregnancy that I would have to decide how much of a risk of fetal alcohol damage that I could live with. I still feel like that was his way of trying to tell me that maybe I should end the pregnancy.



ATLMom2013
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 9:56 PM
I continue to struggle because nothing makes me feel better. I have not found anyone who drank as much as I did at the four week point (12 plus drinks in one night). And I still find it hard to believe that drinking that heavily would not seriously harm the baby.

The sad thing is that but for the drinking I would be happy about this baby. Instead, I feel no joy and feel trapped by the idea that something is wrong and soon everyone will know that I'm an awful person who drank too much.


Quoting Anonymous:

Honestly you'd be killing a healthy baby. I highly doubt there is anything wrong with your child. You need to stop obsessing about it. Lots of women drink the first few weeks without knowing and have healthy babies. I did. Maybe you don't really want to have a child at this point in your life.



Quoting ATLMom2013:

There are still times when I wish that I had the courage weeks ago to have the abortion by pill. The doctor did say to me at my first appointment to confirm the pregnancy that I would have to decide how much of a risk of fetal alcohol damage that I could live with. I still feel like that was his way of trying to tell me that maybe I should end the pregnancy.





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Anonymous
by Anonymous 70 on Mar. 20, 2013 at 11:23 PM

My friend and I drank a gallon jug of wine the day before I found out I was pregnant. My son is fine and tests above average in his classes. I think you're just obsessing about it and like I said maybe deep down you're not ready to have kids. I can't imagine aborting a child on the slim chance that there might be something wrong with them.


Quoting ATLMom2013:

I continue to struggle because nothing makes me feel better. I have not found anyone who drank as much as I did at the four week point (12 plus drinks in one night). And I still find it hard to believe that drinking that heavily would not seriously harm the baby.

The sad thing is that but for the drinking I would be happy about this baby. Instead, I feel no joy and feel trapped by the idea that something is wrong and soon everyone will know that I'm an awful person who drank too much.


Quoting Anonymous:

Honestly you'd be killing a healthy baby. I highly doubt there is anything wrong with your child. You need to stop obsessing about it. Lots of women drink the first few weeks without knowing and have healthy babies. I did. Maybe you don't really want to have a child at this point in your life.



Quoting ATLMom2013:

There are still times when I wish that I had the courage weeks ago to have the abortion by pill. The doctor did say to me at my first appointment to confirm the pregnancy that I would have to decide how much of a risk of fetal alcohol damage that I could live with. I still feel like that was his way of trying to tell me that maybe I should end the pregnancy.







ATLMom2013
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 6:53 AM


How far along were you when you and your friend drank the gallon of wine?  Were you 4 weeks or more from your last period, or was it before then?

That's the problem.  I have not found a single woman who drank as heavily as I did on one night when she was 4 weeks from her last period (about 2 weeks from conception).  My doctor explained that there is a "safe window" for conception that runs for about 2 weeks.  After that, severe damage can be done.  And it was right at that time that I was drinking.

I feel like I did something so reckless and stupid that there is really no way that my child will be okay.  And I have yet to find hope because I really am an extreme case of heavy drinking at the worst time.

Quoting Anonymous:

My friend and I drank a gallon jug of wine the day before I found out I was pregnant. My son is fine and tests above average in his classes. I think you're just obsessing about it and like I said maybe deep down you're not ready to have kids. I can't imagine aborting a child on the slim chance that there might be something wrong with them.


Quoting ATLMom2013:

I continue to struggle because nothing makes me feel better. I have not found anyone who drank as much as I did at the four week point (12 plus drinks in one night). And I still find it hard to believe that drinking that heavily would not seriously harm the baby.

The sad thing is that but for the drinking I would be happy about this baby. Instead, I feel no joy and feel trapped by the idea that something is wrong and soon everyone will know that I'm an awful person who drank too much.


Quoting Anonymous:

Honestly you'd be killing a healthy baby. I highly doubt there is anything wrong with your child. You need to stop obsessing about it. Lots of women drink the first few weeks without knowing and have healthy babies. I did. Maybe you don't really want to have a child at this point in your life.



Quoting ATLMom2013:

There are still times when I wish that I had the courage weeks ago to have the abortion by pill. The doctor did say to me at my first appointment to confirm the pregnancy that I would have to decide how much of a risk of fetal alcohol damage that I could live with. I still feel like that was his way of trying to tell me that maybe I should end the pregnancy.









ATLMom2013
by on Mar. 21, 2013 at 8:41 AM

And to be perfectly honest, I still feel like I don't deserve to live.  What I did was irresponsible and wrong, and I've ruined my life because of it.  I can't deal with the idea of bringing a child into this world that will never be able to care for himself or herself because of what I did. My husband doesn't understand, he thinks that I'm worrying over nothing.  But I have not been able to overcome this feeling, like intuition, that something is wrong with the baby.  I was so super drunk that night when I was 4 weeks pregnant.  Like really, the drunkest I've been in a long time.

crazysheep
by Gold Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 8:46 AM
You'll be okay. The chances are very slim! You were very early when you did it. You should not feel guilty because you actually took a test prior to drinking. Which was negative. Then when you took the positive,you stopped. Don't feel guilty over it.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 71 on Mar. 21, 2013 at 8:48 AM
Your doctor is a quack. Fetal alcohol damage is from prolonged heavy alcohol use during pregnancy, not one party, and even then FAS is rare. There are plenty of raging alcoholics who have perfectly healthy babies. The odds of yours having something wrong with it is slim at best.
Lovebugbaby
by Silver Member on Mar. 21, 2013 at 9:04 AM

I completely agree with this.

AND

my best friend was in your shoes, sort of. She had just starting dating a guy, about two months in, and it was her birthday weekend. She was due for her period on a Tuesday, and she spent her birthday weekend drinking. It was her and her friends and her new boyfriend. She was drinking heavily. I don't remember the EXACTS, but I know one night she had 10 shots, and her and her friend polished off two bottles of wine, the next night was nearly the same, and the same the following night. She said she had NEVER drank so much her entire life. And then she went back to work realizing she was due for her period, tested and BFP. She freaked. For two reasons, her sister had gone through similar. Except her sister chose to abort the baby. She was able to do sme kind of testing on the aborted baby and found THERE WERE NO signs whatsoever that the baby would have ANY FAS troubles. The baby was healthy. My friend freaked, thinking she didn't want to abort and have her baby be fine, and didn't want to have a baby with FAS...

.... Fast forward to present day. Her baby is 2 and perfect. Nothing is wrong. Nothing at all. 

My dfs sister was heartless and didn't want her kid. She drank and drank and smoked and drank all throuout her pregnancy, and he is healthy. 

I understand the worry, I really do. But don't let it consume you. You made an honest mistake. You didn't decide to wake up one day and drink because you thought you were pregnant. You were TTC and knew the risks and did it anyways. You even checked BEFORE your started drinking, it wasn't planned, it was an accident. Don't beat yourself up Hun. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Your doctor is a quack. Fetal alcohol damage is from prolonged heavy alcohol use during pregnancy, not one party, and even then FAS is rare. There are plenty of raging alcoholics who have perfectly healthy babies. The odds of yours having something wrong with it is slim at best.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Mar. 21, 2013 at 12:58 PM


Your doctor a) is an idiot or b) was just trying to scare you from drinking anymore. I've said before, the embryo is essentially it's own independent being living on its own yolk sac until the placenta develops around WEEK EIGHT. Anything wrong with the baby, chalk it up to random chance that applies to EVERY pregnancy. Stop freaking out over nothing.

Quoting ATLMom2013:

And to be perfectly honest, I still feel like I don't deserve to live.  What I did was irresponsible and wrong, and I've ruined my life because of it.  I can't deal with the idea of bringing a child into this world that will never be able to care for himself or herself because of what I did. My husband doesn't understand, he thinks that I'm worrying over nothing.  But I have not been able to overcome this feeling, like intuition, that something is wrong with the baby.  I was so super drunk that night when I was 4 weeks pregnant.  Like really, the drunkest I've been in a long time.



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