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depressed...and suicidal...UPDATE

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 43 Replies
I have a past of depression and suicidal ideation. I know things get better but I'm having a really hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I haven't attempted suicide since I was 16 but I'm catching myself thinking about it more and more lately... Tonight it's like I can't stop thinking about the klonopin I have and how tempting it is. My son has been enough to put reason back in my head because I refuse to have my son wake up to mommy gone. I'd hate to think of what would happen to him or that he could get hurt. I don't have him tonight though...I know he's safe...I don't know how to ask for help, everyone has been saying over and over forthe last 3 yrs how proud they are that I have pulled things together and turned out to be an absolutely amazing mother... I'm scared to let them down..

UPDATE

thank you everyone...a few things said pushed me to finally call my dad and be honest with him. I told him I need help besides from tge doctor I've been seeing...I'm concerned that with the borderline personality disorder that they may have ditched the bipolar concerns too soon and it's something that worries me with how drastic my mood swinga have become and how frequent they are. He's going to help me look for a new doctor to go see and start from scratch with a diagnosis.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 16, 2013 at 11:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Jcothrine
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 11:56 PM
1 mom liked this

your son would NEVER get over losing you.. even if he is safe with someone else right now..

and kids whose parents commit suicide are far more likely to commit suicide as well..

please seek help..there is NO shame in seeking help....

hugs

JC

tattoomommy89
by on Mar. 16, 2013 at 11:57 PM

you can call an anonymous number for help. but you do have to say it hon. your son is the one thing that keeps you from doing it which shows you don't want to follow through and that's great! I get them all the time but because I have 2 friends who had actually committed suicide was also enough for me to know how much pain my family and son would be in. 6 years later, I still feel the same pain as when I found out they did it.

just keep pushing good thoughts in your head momma!

waffa
by Gold Member on Mar. 16, 2013 at 11:59 PM
find someone to talk to, professional I mean, and go see your Dr. there is more than your son to keep you here; family, friends, faith (if you believe), and that silly project you wanted to do in the house/apt that didn't get done! They all also need you. k?
Quoting Anonymous:

I have a past of depression and suicidal ideation. I know things get better but I'm having a really hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I haven't attempted suicide since I was 16 but I'm catching myself thinking about it more and more lately... Tonight it's like I can't stop thinking about the klonopin I have and how tempting it is. My son has been enough to put reason back in my head because I refuse to have my son wake up to mommy gone. I'd hate to think of what would happen to him or that he could get hurt. I don't have him tonight though...I know he's safe...I don't know how to ask for help, everyone has been saying over and over forthe last 3 yrs how proud they are that I have pulled things together and turned out to be an absolutely amazing mother... I'm scared to let them down..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beware! Thar be trolls in these here threads. wink

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 17, 2013 at 12:01 AM
1 mom liked this
When I was suicidal, one song really helped me. Good Charlotte-Hold On. Listen to it. Watch the video, it really helps.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 17, 2013 at 8:34 AM
You should call the suicide hotline. I have had 3 major episodes of depression coupled with anxiety & OCD. Depression is a monster in itself. You are worth fighting for! Life is worth living you just need to get passed this hump and you'll see again. Please get help.
tattoomommy89
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:54 AM


I think that song helped a lot of people like you and I lol I always wondered if my friends listened to that before they chose to end it

Quoting Anonymous:

When I was suicidal, one song really helped me. Good Charlotte-Hold On. Listen to it. Watch the video, it really helps.



alexabimom
by Jessica on Mar. 17, 2013 at 11:58 AM
The video always got to me. There was a woman who said her son/daughter (can't remember which) said 'I love you Mom and I'll see you on Monday' and she said she'd be waiting for that day the rest of her life and it just broke my heart. I wasn't ending just my life, I would have hurt everyone around me. (i'm the anon you quoted)

Quoting tattoomommy89:


I think that song helped a lot of people like you and I lol I always wondered if my friends listened to that before they chose to end it


Quoting Anonymous:

When I was suicidal, one song really helped me. Good Charlotte-Hold On. Listen to it. Watch the video, it really helps.




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Derari
by :::Achtung::: on Mar. 17, 2013 at 12:00 PM

You are the ONLY unconditional love that your son has...you are the only mommy for him. Please focus on all the life you have ahead in raising your son. If you've been doing so well, you are doing something right. Call a friend. Go out for a bit. Change your scenery and distract yourself. Don't let the negativity drive your life.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 17, 2013 at 12:02 PM

Call the suicide help line if you need to. And do NOT take those klonopin. Take one or two to calm you down if you must, but don't do it to overdose. Trust me, I overdosed on a combination of Klonopin and Heroin once, and it was NOT fun. I was brought back to life by paramedics, but I've suffered hell since then for a lot of reasons (this happened at the end of January.

EvilAsh
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 12:03 PM

If you love your son, and realize he'd be messed up without you, you know you can't do it and you're a poor excuse for a mother if you do.

How to ask for help? How about talking to your doctor and telling them what you said here. Don't talk to people on CM about it.

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