I have a past of depression and suicidal ideation. I know things get better but I'm having a really hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I haven't attempted suicide since I was 16 but I'm catching myself thinking about it more and more lately... Tonight it's like I can't stop thinking about the klonopin I have and how tempting it is. My son has been enough to put reason back in my head because I refuse to have my son wake up to mommy gone. I'd hate to think of what would happen to him or that he could get hurt. I don't have him tonight though...I know he's safe...I don't know how to ask for help, everyone has been saying over and over forthe last 3 yrs how proud they are that I have pulled things together and turned out to be an absolutely amazing mother... I'm scared to let them down..
thank you everyone...a few things said pushed me to finally call my dad and be honest with him. I told him I need help besides from tge doctor I've been seeing...I'm concerned that with the borderline personality disorder that they may have ditched the bipolar concerns too soon and it's something that worries me with how drastic my mood swinga have become and how frequent they are. He's going to help me look for a new doctor to go see and start from scratch with a diagnosis.