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Family wedding - Am I a complaining b**** or reasonable woman?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Issue #1: I hate dancing because I feel silly.

I have a cousin that is getting married this summer. I don't want to go because I hate to dance. At all of our previous family weddings, I just sit there and watch everyone else. She lives 30 minutes away so I can't use the "I can't afford a plane ticket" excuse. I think of it this way, one less guest means one less dinner plate to pay for.

Issue #2: No one ever asks to stay over!

A week before I will get phone calls like, "I'm taking Delta and we're landing on Thursday at 4:22pm. See ya then!" Since we live close to one another and I have the bigger house, everyone feels entitled to come over. This means my DS (14) and DD (17) sleep on an air mattress on our bedroom floor. That leaves 3 bedrooms for guests and everyone else sleeps on an air mattress in the basement. 

Issue #3: We foot the bill!

It is expensive to have 23 people in your home for a few days. No one reimburses us for: 

  • Gas: Used to drive them to and from the airport (1.5 hrs each way)
  • Extra groceries: Purchased to feed everyone (And if we do eat out, they don't want to pay)
  • Higher bills: due to more electricity, gas, and water being used by everyone
  • Rental car: We usually rent a minivan or Surburban because my husband drives a 2-seater and my car only seats 4 -which is not enough space to transport people and their luggage
  • Lost wages: My husband and I have to take off in order to chauffeur everyone to and from the airport


My family feels entitled to stay at our home for the wedding simply because we are family. We only speak on holidays and birthdays, I'm only close to about 4 of the 23 people that are supposed to be coming. I told my cousin that we have 3 hotels close to us and that she should ask them for a group rate, but she said, "Why should we make our family spend more money on hotel fees when they can stay with us?"

Please help me! I'm dreading July 20th! Am I being a complaining bitch or am I a reasonable woman? 

EDIT: Entertaining family leaves me physically and emotionally exhausted. I'm battling depression and really don't want to do deal with people. Lately however, I've been kicking my depression in the ass.

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:08 PM
Replies (11-20):
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:21 PM
Go out of town that wknd.
by Gold Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:23 PM
Grow a backbone and tell them to either contribute or stay in hotel.
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by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:24 PM
1 mom liked this
Reasonable. In my family I am happy to help out if I can but my family comes first and i would never just be expected to put everyone up. I will offer up what I have but no way am i renting a car or driving 3 hours per trip. Not happening.
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by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:24 PM

I don't mind going to the ceremony, it's the reception.

There is more going on... Since I feel silly dancing, I just sit there and watch -which is no fun. Then, everyone is getting drunk (I don't drink) and I get annoyed by their alcohol-induced shenanigans. I feel bad for complaining, but no one seems to notice that I get physically and emotionally exhausted.

Quoting alexsmomaubrys2:

That is how it is in our family and we just smile and enjoy being with each other.

Personally, it sounds like there is a lot more going on then just what you posted. I can't imagine not going to a wedding because you don't like to dance. That isn't the point of the wedding.

by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:24 PM
1 mom liked this

 This...........its gonna suck...but at least then you can enjoy the family you are close too.

So........put your big girl panties on.....and rip that bandaid off.

Quoting Anonymous:

Your house your rules. I'd personally contact the 4 family members you like and let them know they're welcome to stay in your home. Contact the other 19 and tell them that they will need to take care of their own transportation and lodgings as your house is full and you are unable to accommodate all of them. Tell them if they have any further questions to contact your cousin. Then call your cousin and say "I'm not a hotel, everyone is already aware they need to find different lodgings".


by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:24 PM

I think you are slightly crazy, and just say people can't stay. It is okay to say no, even if it is not okay. 

by Gold Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:26 PM
Well your cousin is an ass and should pay for all the extra expense if that is her response to your comment about the hotel.
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by Silver Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:27 PM

aside from the dancing thing i see your point i would put my foot down and ask her why should YOU have to pay for the family to stay at your house?? or maybe tell the 23 people that there just isn't room for them and you can't afford the bills that come with an extra 23 people in the house, maybe offer to let the 4 you are closer with stay with you

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:38 PM


by Emerald Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:40 PM

Issue 1: get over it.

Issue 2: That would piss me off.. it's polite to ask to make sure you don't have prior commitments FIRST!!

Issue 3 goes with issues 2 IMO.

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