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Family wedding - Am I a complaining b**** or reasonable woman?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Issue #1: I hate dancing because I feel silly.

I have a cousin that is getting married this summer. I don't want to go because I hate to dance. At all of our previous family weddings, I just sit there and watch everyone else. She lives 30 minutes away so I can't use the "I can't afford a plane ticket" excuse. I think of it this way, one less guest means one less dinner plate to pay for.

Issue #2: No one ever asks to stay over!

A week before I will get phone calls like, "I'm taking Delta and we're landing on Thursday at 4:22pm. See ya then!" Since we live close to one another and I have the bigger house, everyone feels entitled to come over. This means my DS (14) and DD (17) sleep on an air mattress on our bedroom floor. That leaves 3 bedrooms for guests and everyone else sleeps on an air mattress in the basement. 

Issue #3: We foot the bill!

It is expensive to have 23 people in your home for a few days. No one reimburses us for: 

  • Gas: Used to drive them to and from the airport (1.5 hrs each way)
  • Extra groceries: Purchased to feed everyone (And if we do eat out, they don't want to pay)
  • Higher bills: due to more electricity, gas, and water being used by everyone
  • Rental car: We usually rent a minivan or Surburban because my husband drives a 2-seater and my car only seats 4 -which is not enough space to transport people and their luggage
  • Lost wages: My husband and I have to take off in order to chauffeur everyone to and from the airport


My family feels entitled to stay at our home for the wedding simply because we are family. We only speak on holidays and birthdays, I'm only close to about 4 of the 23 people that are supposed to be coming. I told my cousin that we have 3 hotels close to us and that she should ask them for a group rate, but she said, "Why should we make our family spend more money on hotel fees when they can stay with us?"

Please help me! I'm dreading July 20th! Am I being a complaining bitch or am I a reasonable woman? 

EDIT: Entertaining family leaves me physically and emotionally exhausted. I'm battling depression and really don't want to do deal with people. Lately however, I've been kicking my depression in the ass.

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:08 PM
Replies (21-30):
by Ruby Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:44 PM
Family or no, it's presumptuous for them to just expect to stay at your house. If you're willing, open your home to those you can comfortably accommodate *without* putting your children out of their rooms, and provide the rest with a list of hotels and taxi services and/or car rental facilities, as well as a list of local restaurants.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:52 PM

 we have family reunions, but they don't stay with us over the weekend for it; they stay at a hotel/motel. I do not think that you being unreasonable.

by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:55 PM

Ask them to pitch in with the expenses.

by Gold Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:00 PM
Learn to say NO. But you must follow through. It's your house. Simply say NO. You do not owe anyone anything. Give them the numbers to the hotels and be done. Stand up for yourself or don't bitch.

I do not ever have guests unless I invite them. Period
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by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:01 PM

No way would I allow 23 people in our home! When they call you, tell them you are not available. Do not rent a big ol' car. They can take a taxi or rent their own car, and hotel room!

by Ruby Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:02 PM
say u have bed bugs lol
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by Gold Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:02 PM

nope. hell no. I would not let anyone, even family, take advantage of me and my family like that.

by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:03 PM
I would suck it up for family.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Mary on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:08 PM

If you don't want to dance, don't dance.

Grow a pair and tell the people that are mooching instead of getting a hotel to fork out the money for a hotel because you are sick of footing their bill. Either that or write up a contract requesting a 30 dollar per person per day fee to help with the growing bills for your home. If they don't want to sign the contract off to the hotel they go.

by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:34 PM

I totally agree with you.  My extended family used to come for Easter.  I'm a chef so obviously it's assumed that I will do all the cooking.  I remember one time I came inside and my SD and DIL were chatting in the kitchen.  I  joined in the chat and was getting pans etc out to start cooking and when I turned around they were GONE!  I heard the door shut on their way outside to where everyone else was.  SO RUDE.  That was the last time I allowed that crap in my home.  Now I tell my univited guests when they call and say they will be coming to visit, how long they can stay.  I'm sure they all think I'm rude, but they don't lift a finger.  

You're also right on the expense.  No one thinks about the expenses of water, electricity, food, gas for the cars, extra laundry, running the dishwasher all the time etc.  People want to come to my house because to them it's a vacation.  For me it's just a lot of extra work and I don't get to sit and relax and enjoy my guests.  I get to cook and clean.  No thanks. 

You need to call the people who think they are staying with you and tell them that they won't be able to stay with you this time.  Don't make any excuses because they will talk you out of it.  If they ask why, just politely say you're just not able to have any guests.  Stand firm.  They won't know how to respond because you're not giving them anything to respond to. Then you can tell them of a couple of very affordable motels nearby.  Throw in that they have a pool and free breakfast or whatever.  Just don't make excuses or you'll cave.

I wouldn't say you're going to be out of town.  Then your whole house will be available and no one there to monitor what's going on.  You could come home to a mess, items missing, and a huge increase in your household bills anyway.  

I wouldn't wait until the last minute when the phone calls start a week before the wedding.  I would call the relatives that you think will want to stay with you and tell them you won't be able to have any guests stay with you this time otherwise they will be caught off guard and will have to scramble to find a place.  That wouldn't be nice.

I hope you give us all an update! 

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