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Family wedding - Am I a complaining b**** or reasonable woman?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Issue #1: I hate dancing because I feel silly.

I have a cousin that is getting married this summer. I don't want to go because I hate to dance. At all of our previous family weddings, I just sit there and watch everyone else. She lives 30 minutes away so I can't use the "I can't afford a plane ticket" excuse. I think of it this way, one less guest means one less dinner plate to pay for.

Issue #2: No one ever asks to stay over!

A week before I will get phone calls like, "I'm taking Delta and we're landing on Thursday at 4:22pm. See ya then!" Since we live close to one another and I have the bigger house, everyone feels entitled to come over. This means my DS (14) and DD (17) sleep on an air mattress on our bedroom floor. That leaves 3 bedrooms for guests and everyone else sleeps on an air mattress in the basement. 

Issue #3: We foot the bill!

It is expensive to have 23 people in your home for a few days. No one reimburses us for: 

  • Gas: Used to drive them to and from the airport (1.5 hrs each way)
  • Extra groceries: Purchased to feed everyone (And if we do eat out, they don't want to pay)
  • Higher bills: due to more electricity, gas, and water being used by everyone
  • Rental car: We usually rent a minivan or Surburban because my husband drives a 2-seater and my car only seats 4 -which is not enough space to transport people and their luggage
  • Lost wages: My husband and I have to take off in order to chauffeur everyone to and from the airport


My family feels entitled to stay at our home for the wedding simply because we are family. We only speak on holidays and birthdays, I'm only close to about 4 of the 23 people that are supposed to be coming. I told my cousin that we have 3 hotels close to us and that she should ask them for a group rate, but she said, "Why should we make our family spend more money on hotel fees when they can stay with us?"

Please help me! I'm dreading July 20th! Am I being a complaining bitch or am I a reasonable woman? 

EDIT: Entertaining family leaves me physically and emotionally exhausted. I'm battling depression and really don't want to do deal with people. Lately however, I've been kicking my depression in the ass.

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:08 PM
Replies (41-50):
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:49 PM
Tell them that you want room & board.
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by Emerald Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:50 PM
Take a vacation :) say you won a trip and just leave! Lock that house up good!
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by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:52 PM

You are being selfish for not going to the wedding because you don't like to dance.

As for your house, I would tell them to find a hotel. They have 4 months to figure it out. It's not your responsiblity to put 23 people up in your house for a cousin's wedding.

by Jamie on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:52 PM

just say no to the guests

by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:53 PM
I understand completely. I honestly would just say "no. I'm not allowing people to stay over and us pay for them" u can say no lol it's not like u don't have a choice. I've had to start doing that recently cause people for some reason feel the need to just come over whenever.

Or if u don't feel comfortable saying no. Maybe right before tell everyone ur sick and don't want people in the house. I've used that excuse before lol
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by Emerald Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:53 PM
Some of us were brought up different and have manners. Family or not, people in your home are guests. You don't leave them alone in your house! Not that you're their servant but you want to make sure they have a good stay.

Quoting LucyHarper:

I think you are making some of these problems yourself. You can go to a wedding without dancing and having to house and transport people for days. You are going to see your cousin get married, not to dance, so if you don't want to dance, don't. You do not have to pay for everyones meals and take off work to drive people around or rent a car. If you want to pick people up at the airport, okay, but don't rent a car to do it. If they can't fit, say sorry, we don't have a big enough car. I would tell them that they are welcome to stay at your place, but you have work and don't have a large enough car to drive them around so they will have to find their own transportation. Make some easy cheap meals and if you eat out, don't pay for everyone, make it clear that everyone will be paying for themselves. 

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by Silver Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:57 PM

its not a wedding but when we go to are my in laws. i take snacks for my kids plus my step sister little one. i try to help out as much as i can when im there. with anything from feeding all the barn animals to chopping wood. to cleaning and helping with there dishes.. i have even taken meats for dinners to help feed everyone. i even get a thing of milk.. for all the kids... but i can see your point. but i do my part as my dh work on all there cars that need worked on and try to help as much as he can.. i was even told the last night that i will be cooking one meal.. was not asked would you like to cook.. you are cooking no getting out of it. we have other family to see down there to.. so that makes it hard on us to see everyone we want to see to.. but i guess i have to cool the meal.. good luck..

by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:57 PM

while I think the part about the dancing is just silly, and no excuse to not go to a family wedding, I completely understand the rest. I would be making people pay up something, or stay somewhere else. Anything would help, 20 towards groceries from all adults? Better than nothing!

by Emerald Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 6:59 PM
Skip the wedding send a gift and take your family out of town in vacation. Simple
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by Platinum Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:04 PM

The dancing thing is a bit crazy. No one forces you to dance. It sounds you just don't like people. Did you have a wedding? Just say no to guests in your home.

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