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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Family wedding - Am I a complaining b**** or reasonable woman?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Issue #1: I hate dancing because I feel silly.

I have a cousin that is getting married this summer. I don't want to go because I hate to dance. At all of our previous family weddings, I just sit there and watch everyone else. She lives 30 minutes away so I can't use the "I can't afford a plane ticket" excuse. I think of it this way, one less guest means one less dinner plate to pay for.

Issue #2: No one ever asks to stay over!

A week before I will get phone calls like, "I'm taking Delta and we're landing on Thursday at 4:22pm. See ya then!" Since we live close to one another and I have the bigger house, everyone feels entitled to come over. This means my DS (14) and DD (17) sleep on an air mattress on our bedroom floor. That leaves 3 bedrooms for guests and everyone else sleeps on an air mattress in the basement. 

Issue #3: We foot the bill!

It is expensive to have 23 people in your home for a few days. No one reimburses us for: 

  • Gas: Used to drive them to and from the airport (1.5 hrs each way)
  • Extra groceries: Purchased to feed everyone (And if we do eat out, they don't want to pay)
  • Higher bills: due to more electricity, gas, and water being used by everyone
  • Rental car: We usually rent a minivan or Surburban because my husband drives a 2-seater and my car only seats 4 -which is not enough space to transport people and their luggage
  • Lost wages: My husband and I have to take off in order to chauffeur everyone to and from the airport

---------------------------------------------------

My family feels entitled to stay at our home for the wedding simply because we are family. We only speak on holidays and birthdays, I'm only close to about 4 of the 23 people that are supposed to be coming. I told my cousin that we have 3 hotels close to us and that she should ask them for a group rate, but she said, "Why should we make our family spend more money on hotel fees when they can stay with us?"

Please help me! I'm dreading July 20th! Am I being a complaining bitch or am I a reasonable woman? 


EDIT: Entertaining family leaves me physically and emotionally exhausted. I'm battling depression and really don't want to do deal with people. Lately however, I've been kicking my depression in the ass.

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 17, 2013 at 5:08 PM
Replies (51-60):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Excuse me but having manners does not mean you have to let people walk all over you and abuse your hospitality even if they are family. Where are the manners of the people that want her to shell out for their stays? That's very rude

Quoting Elle.tea.22:

Some of us were brought up different and have manners. Family or not, people in your home are guests. You don't leave them alone in your house! Not that you're their servant but you want to make sure they have a good stay.




Quoting LucyHarper:

I think you are making some of these problems yourself. You can go to a wedding without dancing and having to house and transport people for days. You are going to see your cousin get married, not to dance, so if you don't want to dance, don't. You do not have to pay for everyones meals and take off work to drive people around or rent a car. If you want to pick people up at the airport, okay, but don't rent a car to do it. If they can't fit, say sorry, we don't have a big enough car. I would tell them that they are welcome to stay at your place, but you have work and don't have a large enough car to drive them around so they will have to find their own transportation. Make some easy cheap meals and if you eat out, don't pay for everyone, make it clear that everyone will be paying for themselves. 

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
JaneMarie80
by Silver Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:12 PM

At most receptions I've been to, everyone else was dancing, while I was alone at the table cause I'm the only one that doesn't dance at all. I don't enjoy watching people dance either (unless they are really good dancers - and most people aren't). So I usually end up either bored or miserable. I avoid weddings, most marriages don't last anyway.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:17 PM
I would flat out tell them I'm sorry we don't have the means for any guest right now.
Elle.tea.22
by Ruby Member on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:25 PM

I was referring to not having to take time off from work. If I let people stay, yes I kinda have to. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Excuse me but having manners does not mean you have to let people walk all over you and abuse your hospitality even if they are family. Where are the manners of the people that want her to shell out for their stays? That's very rude

Quoting Elle.tea.22:

Some of us were brought up different and have manners. Family or not, people in your home are guests. You don't leave them alone in your house! Not that you're their servant but you want to make sure they have a good stay.




Quoting LucyHarper:

I think you are making some of these problems yourself. You can go to a wedding without dancing and having to house and transport people for days. You are going to see your cousin get married, not to dance, so if you don't want to dance, don't. You do not have to pay for everyones meals and take off work to drive people around or rent a car. If you want to pick people up at the airport, okay, but don't rent a car to do it. If they can't fit, say sorry, we don't have a big enough car. I would tell them that they are welcome to stay at your place, but you have work and don't have a large enough car to drive them around so they will have to find their own transportation. Make some easy cheap meals and if you eat out, don't pay for everyone, make it clear that everyone will be paying for themselves. 


anon1986East
by Kali on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:35 PM

You're being reasonable. It's not fair to you or your husband to provide a place to stay, food, and transportation to guests for your cousin's wedding. I'm close with everyone in my family but I still don't let them all stay with me at one time or pay for all the added costs. The most relatives I've had stay with me at one time was 13, but they all pitched in with money for food and they rented their own vehicles to get around town while they were here.

It's your cousin's wedding, she is the one that should be helping her guests plan transportation and lodging. If she doesn't have room for them at her home then she should be looking into hotels/motels for the out of town guests.

JvilleMom125
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:41 PM
No your family needs to rent a car at the airport or have whoever is getting married arrange that. That.part is rediculous. And they should help.buy food!
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areyouatroll
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:47 PM
They are rude to expect to stay at your house like that.
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TheMommyTaxi
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:48 PM

BUMP!

kels1023
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:51 PM
I see your point. That is a LOT of extra people to feed, entertain, and share space with.
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bustybee
by Buzz Lightyear on Mar. 17, 2013 at 7:55 PM

go on vacation lol. and leave no one the keys.

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