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I was told a "secret" about my dh and his friends. I don't think I can get past it

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post


My husband and I have been married for almost a year. We were together for 3 yrs before we got married. 

When we first got together he introduced me to his friends. He was very close to his bestfriend and his wife. I became close to them as well. The 4 of us always hung out and they stood in our wedding. 

Over the weekend the 4 of us went out to celebrate St Patricks Day. We have been out to bars many times in the past and we always have a great time, this particular night was no different. Until me and the other girl went to the ladies room. 

While we were in the ladies room and freshning up our makeup and chit chatting she starts talking about orgies and 3-somes and 4-somes. She asks me if I have ever participated in anything like that and I confessed to doing something silly and minor in my early 20's. I asked her the same question and she responded with "oh yes, we used to have lots of fun together" .. I said "you and mark?"(her dh and my dh's bff) and she says "yes and with someone else you know very well" I was dumbfounded so asked who.. and she just sort of looks at me and says "oh my god you really don't know do you" i said "don't know what" she wasn't going to tell me but I was very persistent and I could tell that she thought I would be upset if I knew. I finally got it out of her... 

apparently before I met my DH the 3 of them used to have orgies. More than once, I guess it happened "many times for a couple of years" .. the last time it happened was just a few weeks before him and I got together. She swears there has not been any 3-somes since him and I have been together. I basically told her that I am not to sure what to think about all of this. I had been drinking and wanted to try to keep a level head and not over react, because it is so easy to do when you have been drinking and I didn't want to embarass myself.

When we got back to the area we were hanging out, I told my DH that I wanted to go home and of course he wanted to know why and Mark wanted to know what was going on - I told him to talk to his wife. I didn't say anything more and I left. I was waiting outside and DH came out, I figured because it took him a bit to come outside that she must have told him why I was upset. The first thing he said to me was, "I knew you would be upset if you knew because of the type of person you are so I didn't want you to know" he said "I wanted you to like them and be friends with them" 

The cab ride home was silent. When we got home I told him there was no point in talking about it because he never had any intentions of ever telling me so why start now. 

The type of person I am? what kind of crap is that! I was good enough to marry and good enough to be the mother of your son. Im good enough to share a bank account with but not good enough to know that you used to fuck your bestfriends wife in front of him! 

I am not upset that they used to do that, although I think it's gross and he's right I most likely wouldn't have liked them. I am more upset that I wasn't told. 

I don't know how to get past this. Obviously he has no intention of ever doing that again, I know that he is faithful to me. But I don't know how I am going to ever be friends with 2 these people again. I will never look at them the same. I don't even want to look at the wedding pictures on my wall with them in them. I think I will remove them. 



Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 18, 2013 at 1:44 PM
Replies (521-524):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 64 on Mar. 20, 2013 at 3:19 PM
1 mom liked this

 Me either!


Quoting Sunshine2plus2:

I am the type of person who would never get over this past or not!


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 64 on Mar. 20, 2013 at 3:24 PM

 I just don't understand comments like this to the OP! She is being the grown up. She is obviously the only one with any morals. Her DH wanted her to be friends with a woman he used to fuck, that was in their wedding! Plus, he didn't tell her... that's a little weird. I'd be pissed as well if I were in her shoes. I bet you would too, if your BF came up to you & said she used to fuck your DH before you, & after being in your wedding...

Quoting danie24:

OMG, grow up.

He isn't holding your sexual past against you.

Who cares who he fucked when he was single? 


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 128 on Mar. 20, 2013 at 3:55 PM

Being upset about any of this is pointless, a waste of energy  . Don't be the typical women that shuts down, men can not read our thoughts open your mouth share your feelings and your hurt  with him and let him talk to you, don't be judgemental,  this happened before the 2 of you , honestly if you do things with these people all the time, do you honeslty think he thought no one would ever say anything

Anonymous
by Anonymous 64 on Mar. 21, 2013 at 9:20 AM

 He wanted her to form a close friendship with these people, and allowed them to be in their WEDDING! He wanted his wife to be BFFs with a woman he used to screw, & he didn't tell her. Not OK... A little creepy even....


Quoting Anonymous:

 

Being upset about any of this is pointless, a waste of energy  . Don't be the typical women that shuts down, men can not read our thoughts open your mouth share your feelings and your hurt  with him and let him talk to you, don't be judgemental,  this happened before the 2 of you , honestly if you do things with these people all the time, do you honeslty think he thought no one would ever say anything


 

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