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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Masturbating my Kitten - FINAL UPDATE ITS DONE

I have a small kitten. She is 5 months old, and she was acting weird today. She kept rubbing her privates along anything she could find and she kept licking herself. I was very worried about this.


We do not allow "self pleasure" in our homes, especially by young kids (or animals for that matter).i called the vet to explain this predicament and he said she's going into heat. I refuse to have kitten uterus blood all over my things. Plus my kids will ask lots about it and they are too young to learn about that kind of stuff.


Google said you can use a qtip (masturbating them) to force a cat out of heat. Has anyone tried this? Can I be charged for like kitten masturbation by force? She's getting fixed as soon as she's over this.


 


Here is the link for those that think I'm just a nut job..


http://everything2.com/title/How+to+calm+a+cat+in+heat


For those who don't want to click the link this is what it says: (No pictures)


Equipment:



Procedure:



  • Grab wailing, squirming cat and place it on your lap with its hind quarters readily accessible. Chances are the cat will freely offer them, if not the first time this procedure is followed, then certainly each time afterward.

  • Insert the Q-tip into the cat's vagina. It will be exposed and puffy. Do not insert the Q-tip into the other orifice. Either way the cat will begin to scream, but there is a subtle and audible difference in the scream of satisfaction and the scream of rectal pain. Experiment a little until you can distinguish the two.

  • Move the Q-tip in and out of the cat's vagina slowly at first, then more rapidly. No need to be gentle, no matter what you do with the Q-tip it beats a barbed cat penis digging around in there.

  • You are finished when the cat is finished. You will know when the cat is finished because it will either begin immediately to have a cat orgasm, or it will run away with the Q-tip sticking out of its ass. If this happens let it enjoy itself for a few minutes before attempting to retrieve your Q-tip.

  • That is it, you are done. Enjoy the peace and quiet until the cat flares up again. What to look for: The cat orgasm that follows this procedure is something the likes of which I have never seen elsewhere. It is a wriggling, leaping, moaning dance of ecstasy that defies any experience of pleasure my mind can even begin to grasp. If humans had orgasms with the intensity of a cat serviced in this way there would be no such thing as war, hunger, capitalism or God. Background: A cat in heat is, with few exceptions, one of the most irritating things to have living in your home. A cat in heat will follow you around and howl at you in a bone chilling, hideous wail until you are ready just to toss it outside and let it get pounded by the local tom's. After a few days of this torture having to drown a few kittens sounds relaxing. This cat-saving technique was first demonstrated to me by a terminally un-squeemish roomate of years past.

 


UPDATE: DH has offered to do it when he gets home tonight from work and the kids in the bed so that he can help if need be. He's also picking up gloves and we have Q-tips.



It's done. The description pinned it right. She moaned and screeched and really didn't move much. As soon as she was done she got up and went to lay on the couch but the q-tip was still in her. When DH tried to get it out she got upset so he waited a few minutes before trying again.

He will also be staying home tomorrow so he can help with her.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:35 PM
Replies (101-110):
Lalalie
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:45 PM
2 moms liked this

My fucking god. Keep your Qtips away from that poor kitty.

You're strange as fuck.

We do not allow 'self pleasure' in our homes. What the hell is wrong with you? No, nevermind. Don't answer that. You're beyond help, and I'm not wasting my damn time, you looney bin.

Kimberlynn
by Bronze Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:45 PM
THIS!! LOL!

Quoting WifeyC:

sidesplittinglaughter

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 20 on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:45 PM
1 mom liked this
Why didn't you just pm trollcat? She'd tell you what todo with that damn q-tip.
fkh8ah
by Felicia on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:45 PM
Sitting here chanting to myself...

"dont click the link,dont click the link,dont click the link..be strong, fight the urge"
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
EvaTheDiva29
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:46 PM
1 mom liked this

please fine that cat a new home. you have no busness having animal or human under your care. good lord. the whackadoos are out today!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:46 PM

Lalalie
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:46 PM
4 moms liked this

Sweety, even after heat your kitty will lick her privates. She can't wipe with toilet paper, and certainly won't enjoy being Qtipped down there. How else will she stay clean? That is how they clean. Nut ball. You're the craziest person I've encountered in a long while.

Quoting Anonymous:

 Of course not because I can explain it and have the talk. I can't have a talk with my kitten.

Not to mention how do I explain this to my kids. We don't lick our pee pees, so how should I explain it to my kids that cats do because it feels good and keeps them clean while they are on the rag?

Quoting LntLckrsCmQut:

I can only hope you don't use a qtip on your kids, when they start masturbating.



mom2ljh
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:46 PM
LMAO @ q-tip dildo.


Quoting LiliM:

No self pleasuring but you're wanting advice about a qtip dildo?

That is funny as hell.  I got nothing but laughter.  I am sorry.

Go get your cat spayed.


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Anonymous
by Anonymous 21 on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:46 PM

MrsWhite101610
by Gold Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:47 PM
1 mom liked this
I can't get the image of a lady with a qtip inching closer to her cat or chasing her cat.ugh! I should avoid posts like this...


Quoting mom2hadley:

Lmao maybe :)




Quoting MrsWhite101610:

Maybe the pleasure the cat with a qtip first and that's why it costs more?








Sorry, I had to lol






Quoting mom2hadley:

You can get the cat fixed while it is heat. I had one of my cats fixed while she was in heat. It just cost a little more money but they will do it.



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