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Masturbating my Kitten - FINAL UPDATE ITS DONE

I have a small kitten. She is 5 months old, and she was acting weird today. She kept rubbing her privates along anything she could find and she kept licking herself. I was very worried about this.

We do not allow "self pleasure" in our homes, especially by young kids (or animals for that matter).i called the vet to explain this predicament and he said she's going into heat. I refuse to have kitten uterus blood all over my things. Plus my kids will ask lots about it and they are too young to learn about that kind of stuff.

Google said you can use a qtip (masturbating them)Β to force a cat out of heat. Has anyone tried this? Can I be charged for like kitten masturbation by force? She's getting fixed as soon as she's over this.


Here is the link for those that think I'm just a nut job..

For those who don't want to click the link this is what it says: (No pictures)



  • Grab wailing, squirming cat and place it on your lap with its hind quarters readily accessible. Chances are the cat will freely offer them, if not the first time this procedure is followed, then certainly each time afterward.

  • Insert the Q-tip into the cat's vagina. It will be exposed and puffy. Do not insert the Q-tip into the other orifice. Either way the cat will begin to scream, but there is a subtle and audible difference in the scream of satisfaction and the scream of rectal pain. Experiment a little until you can distinguish the two.

  • Move the Q-tip in and out of the cat's vagina slowly at first, then more rapidly. No need to be gentle, no matter what you do with the Q-tip it beats a barbed cat penis digging around in there.

  • You are finished when the cat is finished. You will know when the cat is finished because it will either begin immediately to have a cat orgasm, or it will run away with the Q-tip sticking out of its ass. If this happens let it enjoy itself for a few minutes before attempting to retrieve your Q-tip.

  • That is it, you are done. Enjoy the peace and quiet until the cat flares up again. What to look for: The cat orgasm that follows this procedure is something the likes of which I have never seen elsewhere. It is a wriggling, leaping, moaning dance of ecstasy that defies any experience of pleasure my mind can even begin to grasp. If humans had orgasms with the intensity of a cat serviced in this way there would be no such thing as war, hunger, capitalism or God. Background: A cat in heat is, with few exceptions, one of the most irritating things to have living in your home. A cat in heat will follow you around and howl at you in a bone chilling, hideous wail until you are ready just to toss it outside and let it get pounded by the local tom's. After a few days of this torture having to drown a few kittens sounds relaxing. This cat-saving technique was first demonstrated to me by a terminally un-squeemish roomate of years past.


UPDATE: DH has offered to do it when he gets home tonight from work and the kids in the bed so that he can help if need be. He's also picking up gloves and we have Q-tips.

It's done. The description pinned it right. She moaned and screeched and really didn't move much. As soon as she was done she got up and went to lay on the couch but the q-tip was still in her. When DH tried to get it out she got upset so he waited a few minutes before trying again.

He will also be staying home tomorrow so he can help with her.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 18, 2013 at 2:35 PM
Replies (1431-1432):
by on May. 19, 2014 at 5:19 PM

 I work on a farm where they breed prize steeds and have helped "jack off" the steed and the sperm was then implanted in a pure blood filly. It's done all the time on farms and people who breed pure breeds heard of a cat...

by *Sita* on May. 19, 2014 at 5:19 PM


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