We have two children. One healthy, one not healthy. We found out when the unhealthy child was diagnosed as a newborn that my husband is a carrier of the genetic condition. There's a 1 in 4 chance any additional children we have would have this same condition. We had planned on having 3-4 children, but now it would be unethical to have any more. IVF with preimplantation genetic sorting would be an option but we can't afford it with all the medical bills. I am so sad I will never have another child. I'm not ready to be done. When i look at our family pictures it just feels so... incomplete.
I don't feel a calling to adoption. I just don't. Nothing wrong for it other people, but its just doesn't feel right. I want to be pregnant again. I want another baby to sleep on my chest. want another toddler pattering around the house. I want my healthy child to have a healthy sibling to go play with in the back yard. *sigh* We have known about the diagnosis for a couple of years. I'll be fine for several months and then something will set off my sadness again. A friend having a baby. A baby item in the store that will catch my eye. Siblings playing together.... I'm in a dark sad period again. I know it will pass in time and I will feel better for a while. But when will I accept this and be able to stop feeling this way.