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Are fourth graders having sex? *Update* UPDATE#2 HUGE!!!

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 My son is in 4th grade.. Hes 10.

He came home from school yesterday and just has to tell me about the things this boy in his class told him. Im listening. This CHILD told my CHILD he watches sex online. That he seen a man put his penis in a girl butt, pee, and the pee came out her mouth o.O First, WTF. Second, thats impossibile. He then goes on to tell him other anal videos hes watches, oral and "regular". That its ok if a girl wont let you put it in her butt, you can use her mouth!!!

He told him how he goes to red tube (? never heard of it) and watches this. Says you can even tell girls what to do. He tells them to take their clothes off, and they do it! And, that when Jordan (my son) gets home, he should go right to his room, lock the door, and go check out redtube! WTF!!

He goes even firther to tell him he has had sex before. I dont buy it, but you NEVER KNOW. Maybe he is being molested, and is confused? And, how you can sneak and touch girls boobs. And that once, he touched a much older girls boob and she said she liked it!

 

My jaw? DOWN TO THE EFFING FLOOR. I am ever so grateful we have raised our child well and he came RIGHT to me, not the computer.

I called the school and the phone just rang. It always does that after 4:00, and Jordan doesnt get home until 4. So, I wrote a letter. For many reasons. One, if his parents are unaware, and I would assume and hope they are, they NEED to know what their child is doing online! And two, what if he has had sexual interaction? What if hes been abused and thinks its something else?

Waiting for the school to call. Im sure they will...

Ok, no they wont. Just happened to see my long letter, laying on the couch. He forgot it. Im calling now. Ill update!

 

**Just called. The secretary said I need to speak with the assitant principal and she is in a meeting. Took down my info and will have her call me back!

 

* Vp just called.. As soon as I started talking she gasped. Kept saying oh my.. oh my gosh.. She said she has heard some stuff but never anything liked this. She was pretty shocked. She said she would not speak to and embarrass jordan unless I wanted her to. I told her it was fine, I already prepared him and told him not be be shy- it was important. She said she was going to put his class on alert, and inform all the special area teachers and lunch ladies to keep ears out for the conversations amongst those students. When I told her the boys name she knew him right away. I dont know if thats a good or bad thing. She kept oh my gosh, I cant believe.. Then said she would be taking appropriate action, of course getting in contact with his parents, and that was all. End of convo.

 I know its not my business anymore, but I wish she could update me.

When jordan gets home I will ask him if he was called to the office. If so, Ill update again.

 

**UPDATE 2!!

The vp called! She said she just wanted to thank me for calling, and no shrugging this off as some boys will be boys thing. She talked to m__ and his answers shed some light on some disturbing things. She said that she didnt need to, and wont be, talking to jordan- the boys own answers were enough and the links and photos all real. She said he has been getting things from an ONLINE stranger and authorities are now involved. She then said thats all she is allowed to say, she and his parents, just wanted to truly thank me!!

 

im SUPER shocked. NEVER imagined this. Im soooo glad I called. So glad. That poor boy :(

She also told me to thank Jordan for coming to me right away, and to ask him to please not tell any of his classmates.

 


β™₯Life's not always about trying to push through the storm, its about learning to dance in the rain!

by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 10:02 AM
Replies (711-720):
darcibeisheim
by Silver Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 8:41 PM
2 moms liked this

 WOW!!!!! My sd is 10! This is exactly why I do not like her on the internet!

Good Job to your son and you for saving this boys life....  I am going to use this as a disscission opener with sd

AidansMomMom
by Bronze Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 8:46 PM
1 mom liked this

I would be giving my son a huge treat for coming to me with it instead of the computer. That's something that definitely should be rewarded. Kudos to you for raising him right :)


Anonymous
by Anonymous 99 on Mar. 19, 2013 at 8:49 PM

I am so proud of your son and you have obviously made him secure enough and his feelers out there to realize when something is NOT right.

My son was raped and molested by a coach hired by the school during the schoolyear and summer for basketball without bothering about a background check. This went on from the time he was 9-14 until the man was arrested and s in prison for 23-life.

We filed al awsuit that is pending right now. My son's life was turned upside down. This man used the date-rape drug on the boys (50 all levels of abuse) my son and his friend the most extensive. They were threatened for the safety of their families...groomed in by this guy letting them party and gradually letting them do things he eventually blackmailed them with. He was a pro though and come to find out now thatmy son (he was taken out of school for therapy for a year and the school broke his privacy code when returning and allowed him to be humiliated and terrorized. The lawsuit includes them..coach and athletic director. principal. Coach and athletic director were let go after 26 yrs.

I now find the school was warned at least 5 times...the man's wife knew and witnessed actions. So she is facing criminal charges now....my son has survived as a survivor and I am so extremely proud of him but as my husband has been a coach for 28 yrs...we always taught our kids to obey and respect them...that can no longer be taken for granted. I find our schools do not take the care they should in protecting our children and there is too much liberty and authority given to coaches. I am seriously thinking of starting a group supporting the coaches not allowed to have a single final word. His cousin was cut from her senior team after playing every year and summers since 5 yrs old..directly affiliated with this incident. Was devastating to her as she is a football cheerleader, varsity basketball, track  and has played volleyball and soccer...just a team leader but even though the  (another school, but friends with the coach fired and the abuse, 2 different coaches they are,was deliberately taken out onher after she scored in the double figures all summer, never missed a game, and rallied other girls to play. Even though the principal, superindendant, vice principal and the AD disagreed with the coach (who is NOT affiliated with the school at all, banned from practice for 3 games for inappropriate communication and physical contact with one of the players. We checked and he had been let go from making it to Sergeant on the police foce after 6 mos for inappropriate behavior from what we understood with a minor.

This is who we are trusting our children with and the schools act like a coach is God and will not over-rule an injustice decision made out of spite because per past experience and by all a parent's right did a background check on him and found the information. He is unemployed now, married but hangs out with a girl 15 yrs his jr and even escorts her to his daughter's volleyball game. This is what our schools support over a student that has performed all the way through school to the top of her class and participated in every extra thing...and known as a team-leader, friends with everyone, just an excellent kid and this was allowed to be done to her by the school because no one would override (although it is their job and they brag at bond time...KIDS FIRST!) it just looked to me the coach had enough on these guys that they wouldn't overturn his decision as they set right there and said it was wrong. Not even a teacher or any affiliation with the school and what is amazing is my husband (her Grandpa) has been the boy's HS coach building a winning team for the last 9 yrs...and they made this choice knowing all the kids are avid basketball players. The day before she was cut (not even entering any of our minds this was a possibility) she was used as an example of a perfect shot.


Where are the committee to uphold the rights of the students when an injustice is done. A coach (my husband even agrees) should not be a one peson life changing impacting decision maker when it comes to our kids.

I am thinking about forming an advocate group for a student that feels an injustice without question has been inflicted. What do you think? There was NOTHING done when a mother cpmplained that he stripped his shirt off in front of these 17-19 yr old young girls to show them his muscles, flexing them and exhibit his new tattoo which was inappropriate and then procede to stroll around the gym, pulling one girl before practice was started off by themselves, she was obviously upset about a personal issue that involved the two of them. I heard the same girl he was reprimanded for being inappropriately with outside of practice or games. When my granddaughter commented after waiting 45 minutes for practice to startthat she thought they were suppose to be at basketball practice...I am sure that effected his decision too.  He had commented during the summer he would have a great season if he did not have the boy's coach and his daughter (my daughter is very outspoken and confrontational when need be) to deal with. Neither are disrespectful and respect a coach..we come from a long line of basketball/baseball. All went to college on scholarships..my son was a shoe-in for a Gonzaga scholarship had fo;;pwed my husband since 3 every summer thee . As a freshamn he was moved to Varsity from the Jr. High and went to state having great 25-30 pt state tournament game and he was a freshman but when the scouts called (they knew him well saying he was one of two guys that were the best playerson either side of the mountain) the coach gave him such a bad report (all lies) they knew him really well and he played every summer and they had coached him...they reported the coach(not abusing one but HS coach) to coaching commission and he was repremanded there for breaking my son's privacy code. Come to find out he hated my husband...saying he couldn't outcoach him on the court so he would destroy his son's career. Guess he held a grudge cause he was top notch and my husband came and with a bunch of farm boys the 1st year beat them to go to state and he had 2 players that went to "D" schools. same thing happened next year and the paper commented he was out coached how game was won....and my husband took the Coach of the year which he was awarded every year until my husband was awarded it 7 out of the next 10 yrs we were here.

Husband was gonna take him to HS where he teaches and coaches but this coach begged to keep him with teammates my husband won all summer long with in touring...He was the varsity coachin summer for the team and the abusing coach was the JV coach. We didn't notice a thing. The threats started at 9 and ere believed from the things they witnessed this man abusively do...even staging killing a man in front of them to convince them.

He had given their home in pevious town to bro-in=law to pay off previous parents there. But now the investigator found it was well-known this man was a pedophile and the school officials were warned at least 5 times.

My heart goes out to the boy who spoke to your son...something is not right there. When children are that knowledgeable and promiscuous...usually it is due to exposure and I do not care how surprised or concerne the parents seem..my search would begin right there! Why are they not checking seeing what this boy is viewing? Cannot they be bothered? Who showed him this? This needs researched and this boy some help and you seem like a kind-hearted mother but pleasedo not bring this boy around your son thinking you can extend a friendship.  This boy needs counswling, there is a whole lot more to this story. I will bet it is in his immediate circle. He is a sick young man and needshelp.

Yes, my husband taught 5th grade and in health when asked over half had encountered in actual sex act and others for fear of pregnancy engaged in what is the popular trend along with anal sex..oral sex is rampid...along with things and competitions and games I had never heard of.  Such as each girl using a different shade of lipstick and the boys running a competition over a 1=2 day period to see who received the most acts with a popular girl putting up the reward.  Yep.sex. If parents wait beyond 4th grade the kids can educate them..no lie. No boundaries and no bad girls....everything is acceptable. I am proud I have a daughter that is a senior in college who is saving herself for marriage as she has witnessed the self-esteem crumble and the hurt her friends have endured. She says it is NOT ppular and the peer pressure and the boyfriends she has lost (which proved weren't worthy of her, she says and laughs) are many and some that hurt that it went that way. But she holds her morals and ground.  This is her own personal decision although I always told her I hoped she would.

Well this was a book but i am so passionate about this. Our family has been through the wringer from people we trusted to watch out and put our children first. If i knew how to start the group I sure would. Ifanyone can tell me I would love to know. I do not need a lawsuit... Lennyrayeangry


Anonymous
by Anonymous 100 on Mar. 19, 2013 at 8:49 PM

Good job raising your son to be able to come talk to you about this!  

firefay
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 8:53 PM
Either someone is very stupid at that child's house and not making sure porn sites are inaccessible to him or someone is hurting him. I'm hoping it's the former.
maxswolfsuit
by Platinum Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 8:54 PM

Why would another parent need to know what happened to this boy to know you need to monitor your child's computer use?

A professional wouldn't have told another parent the details mentioned in this post. The AP did not use good professional judgment. Anyone who is training in confidentiality policies would agree. This is drilled into teachers and school employees all the time. I would be very concerned if my school's administrator was this careless.  It sounds like the situation was handled well with the exception of the AP telling another parent what the boy told her her. Totally out of line whether you agree or not. 

Quoting KT1525:

How is it not the same? So it would have been acceptable for the principal to call the OP and say "thank you for telling us, it has been handled" with no further explanation? Unfortunately the OP doesn't know if this is the only conversation the boy has had with her son and knowing how kids are I doubt it was or I doubt her son was the only person he has told. I feel that she has a right to all the information and not just information from a CHILDS mouth. It's my opinion her sons involved and now she is. And as adults that's when it becomes an adult conversation. If her 17 year old came to her with the same story it could probably be left and that because the facts are probably correct, but not a ten year old. It's now on the adults to spread the knowledge. And if it we're my son that this happened to (the one on the computer) I would want parents to be aware of what can happen, even to a 10 year old, when you don't monitor a computer.


Quoting maxswolfsuit:

I don't really see the two situations as being that similar. You have the right to information about what happened to your own child. This AP is giving out info about another child when the OP's son wasn't even present.  

Quoting KT1525:

I'm not trying to argue with you, and believe me I understand exactly where you're coming from, most of my opinion comes from my personal experience, as I mentioned in the first post. The fact that the principal in my situation upheld the other students privacy I was left with "your son did not say it" and "he is not in trouble". So basically I was left with details from a five year old, and without knowing how old your children are, I'm sure you at least have an idea of what details from a five year old can be like. So I was left basically knowing nothing but in the same sentence trying to explain all that to my five year old.... Mind you my son was involved enough to know what was said, know that both the other kids involved parents were called, and also that he was questioned about it without me there. I think privacy is important but I also think parents deserve the knowledge to appropriately explain right and wrong to their children when there is an incident in school like this. That's just my opinion.





Quoting maxswolfsuit:

Her son knows about the portion of the incident he was involved in. He wasn't involved in the part where a stranger was sending the pornography. 

What if the boy had been physically molested? Would it still be OK for the AP to tell other parents about it? A predator sending him pornography is abuse as well. The AP had no right to tell other parents what happened to the boy. 

Quoting KT1525:

You and I will obviously have to agree to disagree on this one. I understand your point, but her son was involved. I wouldn't expect the principal to notify all the students parents of the incident not would that be appropriate, but in this situation because her son was included in the situation, she deserves to know. It's a conversation she needs to have and that is another piece to the pixel that she can also educate her son about/against. This kind of stuff happens and it's something that most people don't feel they need to address with a ten year old..... But obviously that's a wrong assumption. He's involved and she deserved to know the truth. I wouldn't expect any further updates, not would that be her business, but parents deserve to know what situations their child has been included or involved in so they can take the appropriate measures to prevent any further "harm".








Quoting maxswolfsuit:

I'm not saying it should be addressed. The child should be spoken to and handled and his parents should be informed and expected to do something about it. 

But a school official cannot under any circumstances discuss a student with anyone other than his own parent. Telling the OP what happened to the boy doesn't help anyone. What happened to the boy was abuse by an online predator. That was his family's private problem. The principal had no right to tell another parent about it. 

Quoting KT1525:

Are you serious? You're acting as though this was a random situation. It was not her son was involved the minute that this little boy told him those things. It sounds to me like it was handled by all parties just the way it should have been. And I know as a mother how it feels to be in this situation (but on much less graphic terms, thank God) My son is FIVE and there was a boy he sat with on the bus who also happened to be in his class that was telling my Ds and another little girl that he wanted to have sex with the little girl. My five year old came to me... Of course not knowing what he meant. But here's the kicker... He only came to me because the bus driver over heard the other little boy tell them and sent all there of them to the principals office and he felt he needed to tell me that. I received no notification from the principal because he said my son was "not the one saying it". That is the response I got when I called. I believe that even though he was not in trouble I deserved to know that he was involved in an incident. The principal didn't call because he couldn't interfere with the rights of this little boy and I would have never known about it if my son hadn't told me. This woman needs to have a conversation with her son at this point and deserves to know the "real story" as I felt I did. People today are so wrapped up with protecting privacy when this sort of thing needs to be talked about. Kids at 5,10,and even 15 in my opinion do not need to know this stuff and if it is happening it does not need to be kept hush hush.











Quoting maxswolfsuit:

That VP should never have discussed what the other boy said with you. It's totally unprofessional and a huge violation of the students' privacy. I am shocked she would do that. 















splatz
by Bronze Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 8:57 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

Good job raising your son to be able to come talk to you about this!  

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lennyraye
by lennyraye on Mar. 19, 2013 at 8:59 PM

BUMP!

marisab
by Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 8:59 PM

omg!!glad u said something

MommeisQueen
by Bronze Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 9:03 PM
Wow. Thank God you reached out to the school right away.
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