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"The dad is incidental."

Posted by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 11:08 AM
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6 moms liked this

I read this as a comment on another post about informing dad's about their daughter's sexual activity. "The dad is incidental."

I also read on a different site yesterday about a mom who was pissed her bf wasn't marrying her after she had a son with him.  They've been together for years and now a little boy together and yet he still doesn't want to get married.

She made the comment, "I'm getting ready to pack up my son and go home to my parents."

"My son"... not "our son".

There was another post on yet even a different forum (I'm a forum junkie) about a woman who was pregnant and trying to decide if she should tell the father of the baby or not because she always thought of the relationship as just a short term one anyway.

And of course there have been plenty of posts all over the place about how it's the woman who calls ALL the shots about what happens when the baby is born and who gets to name the baby...HOW DARE ANY MAN THINKS HE GETS ANY SAY WHATSOEVER IN THIS SINCE HE ISN'T THE ONE GOING THROUGH LABOR. (Obviously the birth of his own child isn't important or anything.)

The attitude is loud and clear, dad's are indeed "incidental"... no real rights in things like being a part of their child's birth, naming their child, being privy to important, life altering information about their child. And if mom decides she wants out of the relationship, screw the idea of "our child"... it's her child.  

I hear all the time on forums like these about how some men are such deadbeats and act like little more than sperm donors.

But, aren't we women giving dads the message, loud and clear, that they really are just incidental in their children's lives?


by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 11:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 19, 2013 at 11:11 AM
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I agree, its why the dads should have the right to sign over their parental rights. If we want it all then they should have the right to sign it all over.  Seems fair to me.

handy0318
by Platinum Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 11:33 AM


Yeah, but if they sign over the pr then we can't stick them for the bills.  And the bank account seems to be the only thing some women think men are any good for.

Quoting Anonymous:

I agree, its why the dads should have the right to sign over their parental rights. If we want it all then they should have the right to sign it all over.  Seems fair to me.



garnet83
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 11:37 AM
2 moms liked this

I detest this thought process. What we have is a society of self-centered women.

AnHpuresugar
by Ruby Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 11:40 AM
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Not all women feel this way.  In fact, I would argue that most women don't feel the father is incidental.  The fact that some women do not value a man's role in his children's lives does not excuse all men from taking responsibility for being a father.  It is not all or nothing.  

artistmom889
by Bronze Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 11:44 AM
1 mom liked this

A father (aka sperm donor) may be incidental but by my definition a Daddy never is. Fortunately my daughter has a Daddy who is always there and who means everything to both of us, and who we mean a lot to, 

"any male can be a father, but it takes a real man to be a Daddy"

I think we as women do seem to give dads a 'bum' deal  a lot though. We need to show gratitude and respect to the good ones.

KawaiiLila
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 11:44 AM
I know there are women out there like that but it isn't the case for every woman. Some women give the dad every chance to be there. And some women go so far out of their way to try to MAKE the dad be apart of their lo's life that people say its pointless and the mom is crazy.
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handy0318
by Platinum Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 11:44 AM


I tend to agree....

But given how many times it's put out there that the woman has the rights to call all the shots about the kids and the man can only be as involved as she wants...how are we going to raise a generation of sons that don't feel marginalized when it comes to child rearing?

Quoting AnHpuresugar:

Not all women feel this way.  In fact, I would argue that most women don't feel the father is incidental.  The fact that some women do not value a man's role in his children's lives does not excuse all men from taking responsibility for being a father.  It is not all or nothing.  



Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 19, 2013 at 11:46 AM
1 mom liked this

Yes women are conditioning men to not be a part of their childs life. I get upset when women scream and yell about how much they have to do for their child but are complete bitches to the dad for no reason, even when he tries to help. I could not imagine not giving my husband a say in every part of our children.

ImNotKarl
by Also Not Paul on Mar. 19, 2013 at 11:48 AM

That makes me sad. I can't imagine my husband not being involved in our son's life, and not just involved, but embedded at the same level I am. Even if the absolute worst happened and we ended on very bad terms, Cooper would be OUR son and my husband would get 50/50 custody and be involved and informed. He helped MAKE that little boy. My husband hears about every major development, and I do think sexual activity is a major development in our child's life. I'm pregnant with #2 now, and my husband and I came up with names together until we agreed and were both happy with it. Just because I go through pregnancy and labor doesn't mean the baby isn't equally his. How can we expect men to step up when their kids are used as leverage?

Maks1mommy
by Ruby Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 11:50 AM
1 mom liked this
I get what you're saying. I agree, woman are bitches lol.
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