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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I have classic Supernanny kids!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 18 Replies
Help! I know toddlers have their moments, but my toddlers seem to have them all day everyday! If it was still on, and I wasn't so embarrassed, yes I would call in Supernanny. My kids are 4 year old ds and 2 year old dd.
Ds whines about everything. He cries non stop. He's bossy. He wants things his way or no way. He's argumentative. He's blatantly defiant, meaning I tell him firmly "No" and he gives me a "I dare you" look and does whatever anyway. When I do time out, he whines and cries the whole time, and it increasingly intensifies. His behavior gets worse with age, no improvement. I stay consistent. Time outs, are the first course of action. He literally doesn't care about toys. His favorite thing is to hold a toy. Doesn't play with them, just holds them. I take said toy away, he finds another. He's mean to dd. jealous it seems. Doesn't want her doing this or that. She isn't allowed to sit with me, he'll begin a meltdown. She isn't allowed to color, he yells at her and takes her crayons. She isn't allowed to walk down the hall, he'll push her into the wall.

Dd has major attitude. She bites. She hits. She doesn't listen. Redirect is pointless. She stomps during tantrums. She as well doesn't listen. She's just as mean and jealous of her brother as ds is towards her. This isn't behavior she learned from ds, in fact, ds picks most behaviors up from her. Again, time outs with her lead to objects being thrown, walls being hit. Feet flying around. You ask her to do something, it leads to her standing staring at you, letting out one long anger driven scream as she stomps. Again, I remain consistent, I give the warning, the meltdown tantrum begins, she hunts out ds in attempts to turn him into a punching bag, when I have to physically remove her and place her in a time out. With how much she hits and lashes out, spanking is not an option, I don't want to reinforce that behavior.

We have a solid routine. I try to find plenty of activity to keep them motivated, but they've sucked the joy out of these things, with the constant fighting and whining and crying. I sit down to play with them, it turns into a wrestling match of who can get to my lap first. I try to color or do crafts with them, they start throwing or taking crayons, ultimately, I take all crafts and put them up and that "fun" is over. We go to the park, well, we went until I realized my kids were the ones parents were making their little ones avoid. Last time we went, I took them off the playground, and set them both on a bench for time out. Kicking and screaming, the whole time. After 4 minutes, it was still going on, I tried explaining if the behavior continued, we were leaving. But my words went on deaf ears, as the tantrums intensified and I couldn't be heard without having to yell myself, so I loaded them up to go home. Dd starts her kicking and screaming bit while ds drops to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Needless to say, it was quite the embarrassing scene. I wasn't concerned about the looks I got, I was and am concerned about gaining control of my kids. I read posts on here with tips and advice for how to regain control and respect, and nothing works. I'm so ready to call it quits it's depressing. I'm tired of feeling like a total failure of a parent. I'm tired of my kids behaving poorly and everything I try feeling like things get worse. Ds is supposed to start preschool this year, but honestly I'm so concerned about sending him with behaviors like this, I want to withdrawal his application! Yes they socialize and these behaviors are present even amoung other kids, and parents and authority figures. Part of me wants to walk out the door and quit. I never will because they are my kids; but dammit I can't handle anymore! All day long anymore is a chore, it's not fun, there's no good moments, it's all fighting and crying and whining and tantrums and lashing out, never a moments peace. Never a moment of them getting along. Never a moment of them beig respectful. We don't argue in front of the kids, tv is very VERY limited, encouragement was always given, but I can't do it anymore, I can't give encouragement when it's a constant battle. I need help before I have a break down. It's coming soon. I know I'll have the bashing, and I'll ignore it, because I need help. I'm slipping into a state of not caring, feeling down and depressed, something I've never experienced, I need to get control and I need help with my kids.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 19, 2013 at 11:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
RaynesMommy07
by Ruby Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 11:43 AM
1 mom liked this
Don't not put him in preschool I think it'll do him and you some good. Maybe my advice isn't the popular advice but if all the redirecting and timeouts don't work maybe a pop on the bottom will. You have gain back your reigns and stop letting them run the show.
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Firebolt
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 11:45 AM

Love and Logic might work for you. Your kids sound strong willed and they would probably thrive in an environment where they had some control.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:00 PM
I'll keep him enrolled, I'm just dreading the phone calls and appointments with staff. And I tried a pop and it didn't seem to phase them. And I don't know when it's "appropriate" I guess. Like do I do it when they aren't listening to me? Do I do it when they're being mean to each other? After one warning? Each time it's a problem?

Quoting RaynesMommy07:

Don't not put him in preschool I think it'll do him and you some good. Maybe my advice isn't the popular advice but if all the redirecting and timeouts don't work maybe a pop on the bottom will. You have gain back your reigns and stop letting them run the show.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:00 PM
I've heard many great things about that. Is it available in libraries or something that must be ordered?

Quoting Firebolt:

Love and Logic might work for you. Your kids sound strong willed and they would probably thrive in an environment where they had some control.

RaynesMommy07
by Ruby Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:04 PM
I spank as a last resort. If timeouts don't work then they get a spanking. I don't beat them or hit them with objects. I pop them on their clothes bottom to get their attention. I also will spank for violent behavior or behavior that will endanger them. It's just not acceptable behavior.

Quoting Anonymous:

I'll keep him enrolled, I'm just dreading the phone calls and appointments with staff. And I tried a pop and it didn't seem to phase them. And I don't know when it's "appropriate" I guess. Like do I do it when they aren't listening to me? Do I do it when they're being mean to each other? After one warning? Each time it's a problem?



Quoting RaynesMommy07:

Don't not put him in preschool I think it'll do him and you some good. Maybe my advice isn't the popular advice but if all the redirecting and timeouts don't work maybe a pop on the bottom will. You have gain back your reigns and stop letting them run the show.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
spunky946
by Ruby Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:12 PM

First of all when they are calm and listening, you need to lay out some ground rules and consequences that you follow through every single time.

I find with dd 4 I give choices, the easy way or the hard way.  Like if she does not want to brush her teeth before bed, I tell her ok, if you brush your teeth you get stories before bed and if you don't go before I count to 3, I will brush them for you and you get no stories.


Guess what?  After one or two times of saying, no, she knows I will follow through and she brushes her teeth every time now.

You need to step up and get control.

I ignore tantrums.  Walk away and do not engage them.  You are bigger then they  are.  Move them if you need to.

DIStickers.com Ticker
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:22 PM
I've learned to ignore the tantrums. I realized it became a losing battle to try and calm them. If the tantrums continue for so long, 5 minutes usually, I take them to their rooms without a word said.

Quoting spunky946:

First of all when they are calm and listening, you need to lay out some ground rules and consequences that you follow through every single time.

I find with dd 4 I give choices, the easy way or the hard way.  Like if she does not want to brush her teeth before bed, I tell her ok, if you brush your teeth you get stories before bed and if you don't go before I count to 3, I will brush them for you and you get no stories.


Guess what?  After one or two times of saying, no, she knows I will follow through and she brushes her teeth every time now.

You need to step up and get control.

I ignore tantrums.  Walk away and do not engage them.  You are bigger then they  are.  Move them if you need to.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:29 PM
Not starting any argument, I am honestly curious. Wouldn't spanking for violent behavior reinforce that behavior? Or is it to grab their attention in a "see, it isn't nice" manner?

Quoting RaynesMommy07:

I spank as a last resort. If timeouts don't work then they get a spanking. I don't beat them or hit them with objects. I pop them on their clothes bottom to get their attention. I also will spank for violent behavior or behavior that will endanger them. It's just not acceptable behavior.



Quoting Anonymous:

I'll keep him enrolled, I'm just dreading the phone calls and appointments with staff. And I tried a pop and it didn't seem to phase them. And I don't know when it's "appropriate" I guess. Like do I do it when they aren't listening to me? Do I do it when they're being mean to each other? After one warning? Each time it's a problem?





Quoting RaynesMommy07:

Don't not put him in preschool I think it'll do him and you some good. Maybe my advice isn't the popular advice but if all the redirecting and timeouts don't work maybe a pop on the bottom will. You have gain back your reigns and stop letting them run the show.
RaynesMommy07
by Ruby Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 12:46 PM
See, it isn't nice manner. I won't let my kids hurt me. I just won't. Sometimes they have get burned before they'll believe its hot. Thankfully I never had bitters but many of my friends but their kids back for biting and it worked.

Quoting Anonymous:

Not starting any argument, I am honestly curious. Wouldn't spanking for violent behavior reinforce that behavior? Or is it to grab their attention in a "see, it isn't nice" manner?



Quoting RaynesMommy07:

I spank as a last resort. If timeouts don't work then they get a spanking. I don't beat them or hit them with objects. I pop them on their clothes bottom to get their attention. I also will spank for violent behavior or behavior that will endanger them. It's just not acceptable behavior.





Quoting Anonymous:

I'll keep him enrolled, I'm just dreading the phone calls and appointments with staff. And I tried a pop and it didn't seem to phase them. And I don't know when it's "appropriate" I guess. Like do I do it when they aren't listening to me? Do I do it when they're being mean to each other? After one warning? Each time it's a problem?







Quoting RaynesMommy07:

Don't not put him in preschool I think it'll do him and you some good. Maybe my advice isn't the popular advice but if all the redirecting and timeouts don't work maybe a pop on the bottom will. You have gain back your reigns and stop letting them run the show.
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....ClvrScn.
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:02 PM
1 2 3 magic - omg please read the book! Your 4 year old sounds just like my 5 year old used to be.

It has taken - 20 mg ritalin per day, behavior mod therapy once weekly, group therapy once monthly and lots and lots of patience and consistency on our end. My kid is home schooled because of his terroristic behavior.

He was diagnosed with adhd, odd , emotional dysregulation and mood disorder - now, he's a completely different child!

He's even going to public school in august!

Ask the preschool about early childhood intervention.

As for your two year old, a lot of it might be her age and seeing that her brother is getting away with it. Having some one on one time to get her under control might be good. I would send him to school !

I had to ask my husband to visit his daughter elsewhere for a few weeks, so that I could get my sons behavior under control. My stepdaughter visiting every weekend was too disrupting . After a month of him visiting her outside of our home, he brought her back over and our home operates so much more smoothly

PM me if you need to talk I'll add you on Facebook. I'm in a group on there for moms from cafe mom dealing with kids like ours! Good luck!
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