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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

You have to get a pre-nup

Posted by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:20 PM
  • 41 Replies

A little background: I got married at 19 in part because I was pregnant and knew that if I didn't give in that my child would have zero chance of having a happy two parent family. It ended badly

Now I am with a pretty fantastic man and we have a 6 month old dd in addition to my two dds from my first marriage. We care for all the kids together, pay the bills together. We've had our rough patches but amazingly we always end up better for it in the end. 

My mom loves him and is very accepting of our relationship. She thinks he's a great dad to all our girls. However, 2 years ago this April she helped me buy a house.  My divorce was still finalizing and we both went through a lot of trouble and expense to make sure my exdh couldn't get the house. She was very clear that she only did this because a house was more affordable and because having a stable, permanent home was best for my dds. 

Now my mom is worried that SO and I will get married. She is a "prepare for the worst, hope for the best" kind of woman. She would prefer that we don't get married to protect my finances and custody of the dd we share. Her opinion is that if we're together forever we can become domestic partners and live like a married couple with out risking an expensive divorce.

She has demanded that if we ever get married that I have him sign a pre-nup that makes the house untouchable. She said that she will never forgive me.  She pointed out that even if we need to move I could rent the house out (she even offered to help manage the property) to make sure the girls and I always have a home to go back to. 

It already bothers my SO that he's putting time, energy and money into a house he has no claim to. It's a bit of a fixer uper and he helps pay the bills but since he's not on the deed I pay for all the remodeling stuff, appliences ect.

I know he wants to get married, he keeps dropping hints (I honestly don't care) and I know that asking him to sign a pre-nup would really hurt him. If I don't I will really upset my mother (who has logical, valid points.) What do I do? I have to address this one way or another. 

by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Maevelyn
by Gold Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:20 PM

BUMP!!!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:22 PM

I hope he doesn't sign a prenup.

LadyF86
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:23 PM

 I say always protect yourself.

Jennyanne322
by Platinum Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:23 PM
Get a prenup. Cover your own ass.
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SterlingHeart
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:23 PM

well if he doesn't want to sign the pre-nup have him buy out her interest in the property

gypsy_rose
by Kandy on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:24 PM
I am with your bf. He is investing time and money into it too.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:24 PM

If you don't marry you won't get social security benefits, retirement, etc. BUt I don't agree with prenups. I don't agree with living together befoore you get married either

Fields456
by Ruby Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:25 PM
Even in a community property state the house wouldn't be considered that there for un touchable in a divorce unless you gave it to him.or you refinanced and put his name on it while married
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Maevelyn
by Gold Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:25 PM

Why? I mean I understand his perspective with out even asking but what is yours?

Quoting Anonymous:

I hope he doesn't sign a prenup.


alexsmomma06
by Platinum Member on Mar. 19, 2013 at 1:26 PM
If you owned the home before the marriage, he has no claim to it(much like trust funds) He only has claim to assets that were acquired after the marriage.
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