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Do you believe that people only treat you how you let them treat you?

Posted by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 5:10 AM
  • 90 Replies
6 moms liked this

I read so many stories of how all of these women are controlled, intimidated, and scared of their bf, SO, or Dh, etc. It makes me sad and glad that I have never been in that situation, but then again, I don't allow people to intimidate me either. I try not to judge, I really do, but when you constantly make excuses and refuse to leave, then what exactly do you want us to say?? I strongly believe that people only treat you how you allow them to treat you. It is NOT your fault that they started the behavior or that they chose to act that way, but if you choose to stay, even when people are offering to help you out of the situation, then that is at the very least careless.

I have seen so much of this first hand and it breaks my heart. If I had the means to do so, I would come rescue each and every single one of you out of whatever bad situation you are in, but unfortunately, I am not and it seems as if some of you don't want it. It is like an addict...you have to want to be out of the situation...no one can force you. That is what they taught us when I volunteered at the domestic violence center...you can't force someone to leave, you can only support them and give them options and follow through with them if they choose to let you help. I hope you ladies who are in these types of situations will choose to let someone help you before it is too late. I'd help you personally if possible, but I am not in the financial situation to help anyone right now. However, I do know people who can help if you are in my area (Tennessee) and even if you are not, I would be happy to talk to anyone that needs help and try to help you find the resources you need. 

I'm just throwing all that out there. Good night!

by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 5:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
SadeAyosmom
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 5:23 AM
4 moms liked this

i dont think you can control how other ppl treat you.

cause you cant control other ppl...

you can only control if you walk away.

LexsMami
by Silver Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 5:28 AM

Right. People will treat you badly if you let them...if you give them the opportunity. If they treat you like shit, kick them to the curb. That is my point. Don't let people treat you badly...walk away.

HotMomma2622
by Gold Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 5:29 AM
Yes I agree. If they treat you bad and you don't leave that looks like your saying "good head baby treat me like shit, I love you more than my self respect ".
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 20, 2013 at 5:32 AM
7 moms liked this
It's not that easy for some. That's how abuse works. They believe at some level they deserve it- or they believe there really is no hope in leaving. Sometimes they feel threatened and worried about their kids. (many men threaten the woman or children's lives if they leave- at the time it seems safer to stay jn the abuse). Sometimes they seriously cant afford to, or dont think they can. Sometimes they are just used to living in the abuse-they know how to live in that-but they don't know how to start a new life over. It's terrifying for them- ecspecially if they've had years of someone telling them they can't do it.

That's not to say victims have no responsibilities. Abuse is never your fault but it is always your responsibility to set boundaries and protect yourself and your children. The affects of wittnessing abuse can be much worse than even experiencing it. This is most true of the youngest children in the home. And there are resources out there that can help. Unfortuantely alot of women are taught not to set boundaries for themselves from an early age..... We are often conditioned to be pleasers. Suffering, as a woman, is still a virtue to some....
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lapcounter
by Queen Mom on Mar. 20, 2013 at 5:34 AM
I think so.
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LexsMami
by Silver Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 5:41 AM


Quoting Anonymous:

It's not that easy for some. That's jar how abuse works. They beleie at some level they deserve it- or they believe there really is no hope in leaving. Sometimes yet feel threatened and worried about their kids. Sometimes they seriously cant afford tonir dont think they can. Sometimes they are just used to living in the abuse-they know how
Lto live in that-but they don't know how to start a new life over. It's terrifying for them- ecspecially if they've had years of someone telling them they can't do it.

That's not to say victims have no responsibilities. Abuse is never your fault but it is always your responsibility to set boundaries and protect yourself. Unfortuantely alot o women are taught not to from an early age..... We are often conditioned to be pleasers. Suffering as a woman is still a virtue to some....

Yes and that is very sad. I've lived this, not as the abused, but as someone trying to help. I'm glad I finally was able to help at least one person and now she is very happy and in a great relationship and far from her abuser. I wish there were better programs out there, but there are programs and ways to get out---if people really want it. Thank God my "mom" also finally got out of her abusive relationship as well. She was abused most of her life and no matter how much I and her real kids tried to help her and offer ways out, she had to do it on her own and it took her years. My real mom is in an abusive relationship and never would let me help her. I had to cut ties with her a few years ago, but for different reasons. She believed she deserved it...believed she couldn't do any better than the sociopath she married. It was really sad. I'm glad I did not inherit her mannerisms. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 20, 2013 at 5:44 AM
Yes.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 20, 2013 at 5:46 AM
My mom is the same way. It is infuriating. But at some point I guess you have to let go. You cannot fight for ever- ecspecially if they refuse to make any effort. It can be devastating though. And yea there are alot of resources but not always enough. I think alot of domestic violence agencies are severely underfunded. The one I work for is mostly volunteer and the staff is underpaid. Our shelter is always full or almost full. I just hope VAWA helps us out. Also it seem like alot of women either aren't aware of them or they are just to scared to take that next step. It's really sad. All you can do is get the word out there I guess.

Edit: I will say though- although our shelter is often full if someone is in danger we will make every effort tonaccommodate. Bring in beds, use couches- we've even paid for hotels before.

Quoting LexsMami:


Quoting Anonymous:

It's not that easy for some. That's jar how abuse works. They beleie at some level they deserve it- or they believe there really is no hope in leaving. Sometimes yet feel threatened and worried about their kids. Sometimes they seriously cant afford tonir dont think they can. Sometimes they are just used to living in the abuse-they know how
Lto live in that-but they don't know how to start a new life over. It's terrifying for them- ecspecially if they've had years of someone telling them they can't do it.



That's not to say victims have no responsibilities. Abuse is never your fault but it is always your responsibility to set boundaries and protect yourself. Unfortuantely alot o women are taught not to from an early age..... We are often conditioned to be pleasers. Suffering as a woman is still a virtue to some....

Yes and that is very sad. I've lived this, not as the abused, but as someone trying to help. I'm glad I finally was able to help at least one person and now she is very happy and in a great relationship and far from her abuser. I wish there were better programs out there, but there are programs and ways to get out---if people really want it. Thank God my "mom" also finally got out of her abusive relationship as well. She was abused most of her life and no matter how much I and her real kids tried to help her and offer ways out, she had to do it on her own and it took her years. My real mom is in an abusive relationship and never would let me help her. I had to cut ties with her a few years ago, but for different reasons. She believed she deserved it...believed she couldn't do any better than the sociopath she married. It was really sad. I'm glad I did not inherit her mannerisms.� 

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LexsMami
by Silver Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 5:57 AM
1 mom liked this

Agreed. One thing I can't wait to do after I get my law degree is to help battered women. I want to help and I want to make it easier for women to be able to get the help they need. VAWA is just the start...we need more legislation and better laws. I'm not sure how it is in other places, but in Tennessee, you can't get a restraining order due to threats. The aggressor has to physically hurt you before they will do much of anything. That HAS to change. Ladies, if you are in this type of situation...make a paper trail. If you are being threatened...call the police anyway...get it on record. Call your local domestic violence center hotline and file a report with them...get it documented...that way when he does actually hurt you, you have proof of trying to get away from him and what he has done. It makes it easier to prosecute him!!!!!!! 

Quoting Anonymous:

My mom is the same way. It is infuriating. But at some point I guess you have to let go. You cannot fight for ever- ecspecially if they refuse to make any effort. It can be devastating though. And yea there are alot of resources but not always enough. I think alot of domestic violence agencies are severely underfunded. The one I work for is mostly volunteer and the staff is underpaid. Our shelter is always full or almost full. I just hope VAWA helps us out. Also it seem like alot of women either aren't aware of them or they are just to scared to take that next step. It's really sad. All you can do is get the word out there I guess.

Quoting LexsMami:


Quoting Anonymous:

It's not that easy for some. That's jar how abuse works. They beleie at some level they deserve it- or they believe there really is no hope in leaving. Sometimes yet feel threatened and worried about their kids. Sometimes they seriously cant afford tonir dont think they can. Sometimes they are just used to living in the abuse-they know how
Lto live in that-but they don't know how to start a new life over. It's terrifying for them- ecspecially if they've had years of someone telling them they can't do it.



That's not to say victims have no responsibilities. Abuse is never your fault but it is always your responsibility to set boundaries and protect yourself. Unfortuantely alot o women are taught not to from an early age..... We are often conditioned to be pleasers. Suffering as a woman is still a virtue to some....

Yes and that is very sad. I've lived this, not as the abused, but as someone trying to help. I'm glad I finally was able to help at least one person and now she is very happy and in a great relationship and far from her abuser. I wish there were better programs out there, but there are programs and ways to get out---if people really want it. Thank God my "mom" also finally got out of her abusive relationship as well. She was abused most of her life and no matter how much I and her real kids tried to help her and offer ways out, she had to do it on her own and it took her years. My real mom is in an abusive relationship and never would let me help her. I had to cut ties with her a few years ago, but for different reasons. She believed she deserved it...believed she couldn't do any better than the sociopath she married. It was really sad. I'm glad I did not inherit her mannerisms. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 20, 2013 at 6:04 AM
That's so awesome. We need more people who think like this fighting for legislation that will protect women. Maybe you could even work for a Domestic violence agency someday. Although I can't promise you awesome pay! lol ;)

Quoting LexsMami:

Agreed. One thing I can't wait to do after I get my law degree is to help battered women. I want to help and I want to make it easier for women to be able to get the help they need. VAWA is just the start...we need more legislation and better laws. I'm not sure how it is in other places, but in Tennessee, you can't get a restraining order due to threats. The aggressor has to physically hurt you before they will do much of anything. That HAS to change. Ladies, if you are in this type of situation...make a paper trail. If you are being threatened...call the police anyway...get it on record. Call your local domestic violence center hotline and file a report with them...get it documented...that way when he does actually hurt you, you have proof of trying to get away from him and what he has done. It makes it easier to prosecute him!!!!!!! 

Quoting Anonymous:

My mom is the same way. It is infuriating. But at some point I guess you have to let go. You cannot fight for ever- ecspecially if they refuse to make any effort. It can be devastating though. And yea there are alot of resources but not always enough. I think alot of domestic violence agencies are severely underfunded. The one I work for is mostly volunteer and the staff is underpaid. Our shelter is always full or almost full. I just hope VAWA helps us out. Also it seem like alot of women either aren't aware of them or they are just to scared to take that next step. It's really sad. All you can do is get the word out there I guess.



Quoting LexsMami:


Quoting Anonymous:

It's not that easy for some. That's jar how abuse works. They beleie at some level they deserve it- or they believe there really is no hope in leaving. Sometimes yet feel threatened and worried about their kids. Sometimes they seriously cant afford tonir dont think they can. Sometimes they are just used to living in the abuse-they know how
Lto live in that-but they don't know how to start a new life over. It's terrifying for them- ecspecially if they've had years of someone telling them they can't do it.



That's not to say victims have no responsibilities. Abuse is never your fault but it is always your responsibility to set boundaries and protect yourself. Unfortuantely alot o women are taught not to from an early age..... We are often conditioned to be pleasers. Suffering as a woman is still a virtue to some....

Yes and that is very sad. I've lived this, not as the abused, but as someone trying to help. I'm glad I finally was able to help at least one person and now she is very happy and in a great relationship and far from her abuser. I wish there were better programs out there, but there are programs and ways to get out---if people really want it. Thank God my "mom" also finally got out of her abusive relationship as well. She was abused most of her life and no matter how much I and her real kids tried to help her and offer ways out, she had to do it on her own and it took her years. My real mom is in an abusive relationship and never would let me help her. I had to cut ties with her a few years ago, but for different reasons. She believed she deserved it...believed she couldn't do any better than the sociopath she married. It was really sad. I'm glad I did not inherit her mannerisms. 


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