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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

If you Cheated Once and Swear it was the First & Last Time, Live with your Guilt and Keep it a Secret.

Posted by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:38 PM
  • 111 Replies
3 moms liked this

I think if a person in a committed relationship & they made a horrible decision and cheated, they swear it was just the one time and it was a horrible mistake and they feel guilty.  They love their SO and it wont ever happen again and they dont want to lose them.  Then they shouldn't tell their special someone that they cheated.  

If thats the flipping case why on earth would you tell!?  

It is my personal opinion that in this scenario the guilt of that secret is the punishment.  If the marriage is all around a happy healthy one and the SO is happy and neither of you want it all fucked up, that it should weigh heavy in secret on your heart forever.  

Telling would only break the SO's heart, make them possibly feel guilty &/or inadequate and ruin or end the relationship.  The only good thing it would do is ease the one time cheaters immense guilt making them feel better for "being honest"...when truly I think the guilt should be kept.  I think relieving that guilt is only good for the cheater and not the SO that was cheated on.  

I have known people that have been in this situation before and heard about others here on cafemom being in this situation and I have seen the results of people making either of these choices and it seems to me the choice not to tell and suffer with your guilt always turns out better.

What do you think?  

 

by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:41 PM

I don't think a person should cheat in the first place. I've been in this situation myself, and despite how heartbroken and pissed off DH was when he found out I had cheated on him, because he loves me and wants our marriage to work, he agreed to give it some time, attend couples therapy, and that both of us would spend considerable less time chatting with anyone of the opposite sex until we felt we had moved past the issue.

sthflachk
by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:42 PM
I agree. My cousin was seperated from her dh and slept with someone. Even though they were seperated they were trying to work things out. She felt guilty and wanted to tell him. We warned her not to...she did anyway....he never got over it and it was all downhill from there.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:42 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree completely! I cheated on my SO and it was the worst decision of my life. I dont know what I was thinking, it was with my high school/college sweetheart, and I thought it was ok at the moment and then one thing led to another and I cheated. I dont feel good about myself, and I cant believe I would do that to a good man, but there is no way I will ever tell him. He would leave for sure, and I can guarantee that I would never do it again, if he did that to me, I wouldnt want to know either, as long as it was just once.

fraujones
by Mommytron on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:43 PM

I think the truth usually comes out eventually. Better to hear it from the spouse than from someone else. 

vwd_johnson
by Ruby Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:45 PM
4 moms liked this

I think if someone cheats, REGARDLESS of once, twice, or a million, than the other should be told. But i also believe that if someone cheats, they are with the wrong person. I don't care what the excuse is, you are clearly not 100% happy and content with the person you are with if you are willing to cheat. Bottom line.

AnHpuresugar
by Ruby Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:46 PM
2 moms liked this
I agree.
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Matriarch87
by Ruby Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:47 PM

Did he find out because you confessed or some other way?  Thats great you guys are working on it and he didn't just immediately throw in the towel : )  

Quoting Anonymous:

I don't think a person should cheat in the first place. I've been in this situation myself, and despite how heartbroken and pissed off DH was when he found out I had cheated on him, because he loves me and wants our marriage to work, he agreed to give it some time, attend couples therapy, and that both of us would spend considerable less time chatting with anyone of the opposite sex until we felt we had moved past the issue.


GibsonSD92
by Silver Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:48 PM

I'm sure it's different for everyone but I truly think my DF and I are better now with the truth being known, than before. The guilt was causing a lot of tension & problems but I think the thing for us was that there were infidelities on both parts. I cheated and he was partying hard behind my back, but we were both young and dumb. I feel that our honesty about our past just pushed us into the category of, I'm done lying, I want you to know everythng so we can move past this and have a functioning, happy family. Which thankfully we've been able to do great for quite some time now. :)

Matriarch87
by Ruby Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:48 PM
1 mom liked this

mmmmhmmmm...  See the way I see it, cheating is a really selfish thing to do, and if it only happened once and you know you wont ever do it again...then I think telling is really selfish too...  

Quoting sthflachk:

I agree. My cousin was seperated from her dh and slept with someone. Even though they were seperated they were trying to work things out. She felt guilty and wanted to tell him. We warned her not to...she did anyway....he never got over it and it was all downhill from there.


Matriarch87
by Ruby Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 4:50 PM

Yes you are right, everyone is different.  Im glad you guys were able to get past it : )  Congrats on your clean slate.  

Quoting GibsonSD92:

I'm sure it's different for everyone but I truly think my DF and I are better now with the truth being known, than before. The guilt was causing a lot of tension & problems but I think the thing for us was that there were infidelities on both parts. I cheated and he was partying hard behind my back, but we were both young and dumb. I feel that our honesty about our past just pushed us into the category of, I'm done lying, I want you to know everythng so we can move past this and have a functioning, happy family. Which thankfully we've been able to do great for quite some time now. :)


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