Question: What should I do?
Call the "stepmom" and see if she would like a visitation schedule.
Call the ex-husband and see if he'd like me to offer the "stepmom" a visitation schedule.
Stay out of it, and assume that if he does not allow her time with our child it's because he knows best.
Total Votes: 54
Question: What should I do?
Total Votes: 54
My ex and I divorced a little over five years ago. He's been involved with two women since. His first girlfriend lived with him for 3 years and 10 months. When they broke up, she was still seeing our child on a regular basis, because she babysat during his time.
He began living with the mother of his son just under four years ago. They broke up last August. And my daughter only found out last night. Since August, she hasn't been sleeping over the house they lived in, but has been sleeping at her grandparents.
Also, until last night, she hadn't seen her brother for more than a couple hours at a time, and had not seen her brother's mom except at times when she and her dad picked up or dropped off her brother. Her dad had told her that his girlfriend would get mad if she taught her brother bad manners or to say bad words like "shut up." So, our daughter's been thinking for months that if she could just be good enough, she could live with her brother and her dad's girlfriend again.
His girlfriend told her last night that she wasn't mad at her, and that sometimes things don't work out.But she would always be her friend. And she made sure our daughter knew her phone number. She hasn't babysat our daughter since they broke up.
She hasn't seen her at all until last night. Our daughter was really upset. Just as upset as she was the last time he broke up with someone she loved, only now it's worse, because last time they promised to still see each other. She doesn't know where she'll live when she's with her dad.
She doesn't know when she'll see her brother again. Her puppy of three years is really her dad's girlfriend, so she doesn't know if she'll see her dog. I'd like to work out a schedule for my daughter to see the woman who was essentially her stepmother for years. If I died, it's what I would like done for my husband.
If my husband and I divorced, I would make sure he still had visitation with her. I don't think things are ending well for my ex and his girlfriend. Family law records are public here, and nothing has been filed for them, but I know with my daughter, her dad has thrown all his money at trying to get custody over the years. That can make things complicated.
My mom was there when our daughter came in, crying. So she knows what's happening. She got very upset, and threatened to file for grandparents' rights if I gave up some of "my time" to his girlfriend. (Grandparents rights are unconstitutional in my state, so she doesn't know what she's saying.)
But am I overstepping my bounds as a parent if I call his girlfriend, to see how she'd like to move forward? Should I only be dealing with my ex-husband about this? Or should I just mind my own business, and leave it all up to my ex-husband? I just want to do what's best for our daughter, and I think that's to have lots of access to all of us.
EDIT: She just sent me a text message. My ex told her that he's going to get custody of their son. She said that she didn't know what she had done, or why I hated her so much, but she'd really like to talk to me because she's scared.
Grrrr... this is the bio mom/step mom dillema. I don't hate her! I never have. I assumed she hated me, because of how cooly she treated me. And I figured it made sense, because her boyfriend was dumping all his money into trying to fight me for custody. So, here we were for years, being all afraid that one hated the other, when really it was probably the guy spreading a lot of hate.
Update: She seemed strange and noncommittal about making a time to see my daughter. I sent her a text today that I had tickets to the zoo and love if she'd join me, and we'd buy her tickets. And she said that she didn't think that was a good idea, and that she and my daughter never really had a great relationship, but she's always available if she needs someone to talk to.
Then she added that she hopes I'll still meet her for coffee sometime without the kids so she can pick my brain about custody issues. Sad.