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Did you settle??

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies

So here is issue, I will get straight to it. I feel like I am settling. I have been with SO for 3.5 years now, he is quite a bit older (I am 23, he is 32) but we make it work. He is a family friend, which was probably my first mistake. He has a great job, we live in a average home, and I have a 4 year old DS who he has been helping me raise since he was a little over a year without any help from BD. What it comes down to is, I feel like I am settling for someone who would rather put his work, friends, and the bar above us. All i ask for is one, ONE day a month that he spends as a "family day with us". He can't even do that. He works long hours so he leaves before DS wakes up and 5 out of 7 nights a week he is home after he goes to bed. So I guess I feel like he would want to spend his free time with us. I know that is very selfish. He works hard, he should be able to play hard. While he spends time out, there is no time for family. 

I am at my breaking point. I have talked in circles telling him how much this is ruining us. How I spend countless nights telling DS that daddy will play tomorrow only knowing it's a lie. Problem is, I am currently in college, I have another two years to go at least. I work almost full time but don't make more than a grand a month. I support DS with no child support (BD is in jail). Do I settle and and stay for DSs happiness and comfort or do I turn his life upside down and make us both happy. I just don't know how I can take months of where is daddy and why do we not live with daddy questions (he is very observant and logical for his age). I am torn and it is breaking my heart. I love him with all my heart but I am not happy. I know he isn't going to change and I shouldn't have to make him put us first.

Anyways, have any of you ladies feel like you have setteled? For your children, or just after time realized it? Did you suck it up, or leave? I am not looking for bashing, I just need some other opinions. My mom and best friend tell me to make myself happy, but I just don't know if I can do that to DS. It breaks my heart just thibnking about it. 

Thanks in advance :) 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 22, 2013 at 10:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 22, 2013 at 11:09 PM

Nobody??

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 22, 2013 at 11:21 PM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 23, 2013 at 1:22 AM

Really mama's ya'll got nothing?? shrugging

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 28, 2013 at 1:12 AM
Well this is depressing!!
I.spit.glitter
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 1:16 AM
I think so
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stacey541
by Platinum Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 1:17 AM

Have you suggested counseling to him? I always feel you should try before giving up....

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 28, 2013 at 1:17 AM
You owe it to yourself to be happy. You don't have kids with your SO so there's no real attachment. Your son will be ok. He's only 4 but kids are so resilient. And happy mommy means happy child. Don't ever settle, you will regret it in the future. You're young, live your life and live the type of life YOU want, not what you think others expect.
SnapIt
by Ruby Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 1:18 AM

its sad that you are using him for what he can give you and your ds, at this point  your ds shouldnt be calling him daddy either

doesnt seem like hes willing to adjust or engage with you and ds enough for ds to call him daddy.

you know hes helping you out, maybe he knows this himself and is feeling bad to not let you know. Maybe not being around you or making time for you and your ds is his way of making you realize this is not a true relationship. Maybe hes hoping you will walk away so he doesnt have to break it to you.

I wouldnt waste my life with someone who is not willing to make time as a family. Id make my own life with my kid. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 28, 2013 at 1:19 AM

I did with my first husband but I knew I did I was young and got pregnant and tried to do what was right. With dh I didn't settle at all and I have never felt like I did although at the end of my pregnancy and shortly after Ds birth I did feel like dh put everything from work friends and partying in front of us. And it did cause us a lot of problems including him sleeping on the couch for 2-3 month ( can't remeber exactly how long) it felt like I had a roomate and not a husband, we worked through it and he was basically having an early mid-life crisis that was triggered by the birth of our son and stemmed from in resolved childhood issues mainly with his father. He went to conselling and they have since reconciled and we have never been happier. I am going to go anon just because its this group. But if you need to talk am here. Just like my post and I will pm you!


but if you truly feel you are settling he isn't the man for you you both deserve someone that loves and wants to be with you in all ways and put each other first 

tarakay0417
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 1:20 AM
Try talking to him and let him know how you feel. He may not realize how close he is to losing you two. Good luck.
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