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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

The Shocker!!!! True Story!!!!

Posted by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:46 AM
  • 170 Replies
17 moms liked this

Yesterday, I spent my day off of work running around, getting overdue errands finished before the weekend.

The ONE errand I overlooked was my 5 item grocery list. I noticed this as I arrived home after 6pm & decided that those 5 items could wait until tomorrow. "Mom's Body Wash" having been at the top of the list, since my teenager managed to STEAL mine out of my bathroom & use the rest of it. :/

I suppose I could be grateful that after using it, she had the respect to write it on the list hanging on the fridge, no?

Having been a SAHM for the past 4 years & unexpectedly falling into a FT job 3 weeks ago, my night time showers seem to be the ONLY relaxing part of my day that I look forward to now.

So, I slip into the hot shower, fully prepared to be disturbed by 3 children at LEAST 15 times, but still managing to absorb my mind with thoughts of peace & pure bliss.....

I shampoo my hair, condition it, & even take a few extra minutes to let the pulse action shower head beat down on my neck & shoulders.... The abrasive massage was glorious in ways unmentionable....

Of course, as expected, I begin to hear loud noises coming from upstairs. The silence NEVER lasts long in my house with 1 teen, an 8yo boy who loves to wrestle, & a 4yo toddler who explores her teen sister's bedroom at any chance given & almost ALWAYS manages to paint SOMETHING with nail polish or make up. :/

So, I grab DH's body wash & without thought, use what would be approximately a HANDFUL size on a washcloth.... As always, I start in my general regions & work my way towards my girly parts.....

The menthol smell awoke my sinuses with a quickness & the refreshing "ice cold" sensation felt oh-so wonderful on my back & chest.....

HOWEVER, the VERY SECOND that this body soap (likely created by the devil himself) touched my nether regions, I practically fell over in indescribably horrible, unrelenting PAIN! Some twisted ass mother fucker in a science lab one day thought to themselves: "I have a brilliant idea! People have a hard time waking up in the morning before work. I shall invent an evil-lava-like soap that will SHOCK these sleepy people into awakeness!".
And then, he put that shit on the market & let out an evil laugh!! O.o

For real. I shit you NOT, my jibblets, doo-dads, & goodies felt like they had been smothered in fucking ICY HOT!!!!! I let out a "yelp", as DH slowly rolls himself off of the couch & finds his way into the bathroom.....

Through the clear shower curtain, he witnesses his wife making fast (frantic) panting noises, as I rips the shower head from the wall & spray DIRECTLY onto my no-no places, praying desperately that the burning stops!!!!

He says: "Dang! Sorry for interrupting. Try to be more quiet, the kids are still awake." -_-

Really, dude? :/

Still reeling from pain, my lips won't allow me to speak, so I allow the dumbass to leave me alone in the bathroom, where CLEARLY I am NOT enjoying the feeling of my vagina being chemically removed from my body.....

It took approximately 8 hours for my nether regions to stop pulsating & tingling from the unexpected chemical peal I had put them through. -_-

To make matters worse, a few hours after my shower (jibblets still burning) I climb into bed with DH, who suggestively raises his eyebrows & requests that in the future, we should shower TOGETHER! O.o

So much for my relaxing afternoon showers alone, eh? :/



Moral of the story: I don't care if you are completely OUT of body wash & you smell like a garbage truck smothered in body oder & used ass, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT EVER USE "AXE SHOCK".

Though, there are a few GOOD uses I can think of for this devil-syrup! I'm convinced that this stuff is capable of removing paint from walls, hair from animals, stains from fabric, & in VERY DESPERATE MOMENTS, this shit will remove warts & quite possibly could burn off ANY STD that you may be suffering from.

Hell, they could probably make a shit load of money using this stuff to fuel a rocket ship to the moon! O.o

^ all of these uses are acceptable.

Just, for the love of your sensitive little muffin shop, DO NOT use this shit to wash your body!!!! O.o

You're welcome!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Aydans_Mommy
by Platinum Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:48 AM
7 moms liked this
I'm sorry that happened to you but I laughed reading it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MamaRae85
by *you're on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:49 AM

sidesplittinglaughter


OompaLover6969
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:50 AM
Buuump! :-P
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wulfeyes05
by Ruby Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:51 AM

Bahahaha you should have thrown the bottle at your husband

Michaelsmom0522
by Gold Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:51 AM
Lmao. That would suck but thanks for the morning entertainment!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
IamDB
by Platinum Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:52 AM
OMG! Hahahahaha!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Perfect.Pixie
by Gold Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:52 AM
Lol! My nether regions cringe at the thought
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
brittney28
by Brittney on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:52 AM
Lol
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evelynolivesmom
by Gold Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:53 AM
2 moms liked this

 So hard to type while laughing....

wicked_tink
by twinkie humper on Mar. 23, 2013 at 11:53 AM

Youch

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