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Multiple fathers = bad parenting?

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Question: Do you pass judgement on how good a parent they are?

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Yes

No

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I face a lot of judgment on my ability to parent just because I have more than one "baby daddy" as we seem to call them these days. I've also seen other women take a lot of judgment.

Do you prejudge women just because they have multiple "baby daddies"?

If so, why?

Does having multiple "baby daddies" really make a woman a bad parent?

Andrew: 4th October 1988; John: 23rd April 1990; Liia: 17th October 1991; Kirstee: 20th July 1992; Liam: 25th October 2005; Lily-May: 14th December 2008; George: 7th October 2009; Marley-Rose: 7th October 2009; Aiden: 14th February 2011; Keeleigh-Grace: 2nd September 2012

by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:09 PM
Replies (31-40):
superwoman8977
by Silver Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:31 PM


Quoting Anonymous:

Or you could have made bad decisions....

Quoting superwoman8977:

Excuse me I have 3 kids by 3 different dads.  I am not a slut, a whore etc.  Things just happened in my life sure as heck not the way I wanted to do things but its the way things happened none the less..I am so sick of people judging me when they dont know the whole story....


No I did not make bad decisions.  Things happen.  

zomgkerrie
by Geek Goddess on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:31 PM

I think 2 fathers may be a victim of bad circumstances. 3 or more though, I start to wonder about them making bad choices, and while I don't immediately jump to the conclusion that they are bad parents, I would question if their poor decision-making passed along into their parenting. But I would only start to wonder this for sure if I started to see this in person.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:32 PM
5 moms liked this
I think having multiple kids by different men shows you don't have good decision making capabilities. You are supposed to learn from your mistakes not add to them from the same situation. Dragging kids through that shows you aren't putting your kids first. I had 2 kids from one man at a young age. I don't intend on having anymore kids.
JessMomOf9
by Silver Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:33 PM
I've been married once, to the man I'm with now and we have 5 children together, and I'm pregnant with our 6th. I have 5 other children from 3 previous relationships. I would have rather had all my children with one man, but life didn't go that way.


Quoting Anonymous:

I dont judge your parenting skills. I judge your decision making skills. But i was raised to believe that you dont get pregnant unless you're married, and you dont get married unless you're prepared to be married until death, for better or worse

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JessMomOf9
by Silver Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:34 PM
I wouldn't say my children have been "dragged" through anything


Quoting Anonymous:

I think having multiple kids by different men shows you don't have good decision making capabilities. You are supposed to learn from your mistakes not add to them from the same situation. Dragging kids through that shows you aren't putting your kids first. I had 2 kids from one man at a young age. I don't intend on having anymore kids.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
hootowl21
by Gold Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:34 PM
I have 3 kids by 3 different guys :(

Unfortunately I didn't respect myself enough to make better decisions. But I don't think I'm a bad mom. And I don't judge others for how many kids they have with different guys.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:35 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree. I have one child by a man who didn't marry me, so I'm going to make sure I don't make that same mistake again. Every man who says they "love you" doesn't!


Quoting robibuni:

Multiple fathers = multiple bad decisions. Doesn't mean you're a bad parent though.


Bigmetalchicken
by Ruby Member on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:35 PM
2 moms liked this

I think it depends on the situation. I don't automatically assume your are a bad parent. However, some of the women in my community, I give the side eye too. Perfect example, woman has seven kids. All different dads, none of which she could even say she dated. She has seven children that all resulted from her 'midnight dealing' visits. She can't handle them, she seems clueless on how to do the basic hair care for them, and she tells everyone that stands still long enough that she wishes at least one of the dads would take the kids for visits, because she can't do anything fun with these seven damn kids going everywhere with her.

Situations like this, I admit, I judge.   

Yet I know another girl who has three kids, three dads. She was married and widowed all three times. I just feel the desire to help her out anyway I can, because I know she is busting butt to be everything to her kids.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:38 PM
1 mom liked this
Depends on the person. I know women who have more than one "baby daddy" and it's because they are always out partying, getting drunk, and sleeping with random friends/or strangers. Half dont know who the father was or even remember the night. Those yes I tend to judge sometimes.

But I also know women who have children with different fathers because of death or even just bad relationships and bad relationship choices. I've been there, I try not to judge too much.

jojo_star
by Jojo on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:38 PM
3 moms liked this

No. If I am ever lucky enough to have another biological child, I will have two 'baby daddies'. The first being the biological father of my 11 year old, who raped me when I was 12, the second would be my husband of almost 7 years, with whom I am raising 4 children. So no, I don't judge and I wouldn't.

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