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Multiple fathers = bad parenting?

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Poll

Question: Do you pass judgement on how good a parent they are?

Options:

Yes

No

Other, explain


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Total Votes: 1203

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I face a lot of judgment on my ability to parent just because I have more than one "baby daddy" as we seem to call them these days. I've also seen other women take a lot of judgment.

Do you prejudge women just because they have multiple "baby daddies"?

If so, why?

Does having multiple "baby daddies" really make a woman a bad parent?

Andrew: 4th October 1988; John: 23rd April 1990; Liia: 17th October 1991; Kirstee: 20th July 1992; Liam: 25th October 2005; Lily-May: 14th December 2008; George: 7th October 2009; Marley-Rose: 7th October 2009; Aiden: 14th February 2011; Keeleigh-Grace: 2nd September 2012

by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 4:09 PM
Replies (841-850):
JessMomOf9
by Silver Member on May. 3, 2013 at 1:28 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't even want to give an answer to that in fear of offending you greatly.


Quoting angduse1:


I understand not staying if you can't ever Forgive and Forget.. I for one

did Forgive,, EVENTUALLY.. it took years.. We were adults and did not

fight about it.. My Husband knew he did wrong.. He even asked me

after about 5 years.. And several Children.. Am I ever gonna live this down

That was all he said..and I knew what he meant....I finally said.. 

Get back to me in another 10 years ....I was married to him for

16 before he had a Heart Attack and Died.. We had Five beautiful 

children together,,that helped me get through loosing him.  Cause 

guess what even though I had forgiven him.. I did not let him know

that until about a Year before he passed away...I don't know why 

I waited so long.. to tell him.. probably because I wanted to keep him on

his toes.. 

You want to know the only thing I regret about the One Night stand he

had.... That I did not forgive him sooner and Told him so sooner..

It was not for me to judge him.. It was not for me to hold over his

head... and in the end,, Right when I found out he was no longer

with me from the nurse that was picked to come tell me the news

(*poor Lady)

I bowed down and Thanked God for every moment.. and asked him

to forgive him his short comings.. Cause I sure had Years ago....

I only hope and pray he had the time to ask God the same..

Cause my prayers

meant very little if he forgot to talk to him.. before the heart attack.. 

I think he was alright though... cause he worked so hard to put our

marriage right...and for that surely he deserved forgivness...

Our marriage was Built on Love...and with Love comes Forgivness

But I do understand after being hurt so much and it does Hurt that

bad.. I do understand you not being able to do this......I just chose

a different path is all. AND I might add never told my children

of the affair until I was forced to because some Drama Queen in my 

family chose to years later when they were nearly grown..

When my daughter asked me why I never told her.. I said.

Because that had nothing to do with your relationship between her

and her father..It was between Him and God by the time you were old

enough to understand..Not even between him and me.. So why get 

drama going like your Aunt just did.. Let it go.. remember your father

like he was.. A good father, provider, AND a Good husband to your mom

cause he was.. This gave my daughter a new look at life and how it is suppose to be...

she has a sound relationship now.. NOT sure she will do what I did

if ever cheated on.. And I would not want her to do what I did if it 

did not sit well with her.. BUT,, To forgive is Lovely, but to also forget

is Devine.. In my book.... 

I might add,,if some would like to look

at the money end of this.. Which I never do. BUT if I had not stayed with

him, I would have lost all his benefits and pensions and had a hard time

raising five kids with NO support, cause he would have not been here for

us to fight over child support and all that ugly stuff I see my friend going

though.. SO I think I made the right decision.. What do you all think


Quoting JessMomOf9:

In my situation, breaking up the relationships was the best thing for my children. No relationship meant no drama and arguments in the house. It was for their benefit. We tried to fix things. But staying with a man who cheated? I would never do that.





Quoting Anonymous:

he has cheated on me and we are still together. we work on our problems instead of just leaving and not trying to fix things. and we have a son together and i know for sure if we ever do break up i will fix it so i wont ever get pregnant again. im not ignorant.







Quoting DebnDrew:

 how is it gross?




I dearly hope your man never abuses or cheats on you, because A LOT of young ignorant moms make this claim, until it happens to them.......good luck to you.








Quoting Anonymous:

I have told my husband that if something ever happen to us i will never have any more kids cause i just dont believe in having kids by more then one man i think it is just gross but i dont judge others for it. if thats how they want to live then let them.
















angduse1
by on May. 3, 2013 at 10:34 PM


It's Okay.. I don't offend.. you should be allowed to your own 

opinion.. and that is all it is.. so don't feel like you have to hold 

back on my account.. I am a different person different times

maybe not exactly different circumstances,,but I bet in many

ways yes even that... Been through too much to take offence

Quoting JessMomOf9:

I don't even want to give an answer to that in fear of offending you greatly.


Quoting angduse1:


I understand not staying if you can't ever Forgive and Forget.. I for one

did Forgive,, EVENTUALLY.. it took years.. We were adults and did not

fight about it.. My Husband knew he did wrong.. He even asked me

after about 5 years.. And several Children.. Am I ever gonna live this down

That was all he said..and I knew what he meant....I finally said.. 

Get back to me in another 10 years ....I was married to him for

16 before he had a Heart Attack and Died.. We had Five beautiful 

children together,,that helped me get through loosing him.  Cause 

guess what even though I had forgiven him.. I did not let him know

that until about a Year before he passed away...I don't know why 

I waited so long.. to tell him.. probably because I wanted to keep him on

his toes.. 

You want to know the only thing I regret about the One Night stand he

had.... That I did not forgive him sooner and Told him so sooner..

It was not for me to judge him.. It was not for me to hold over his

head... and in the end,, Right when I found out he was no longer

with me from the nurse that was picked to come tell me the news

(*poor Lady)

I bowed down and Thanked God for every moment.. and asked him

to forgive him his short comings.. Cause I sure had Years ago....

I only hope and pray he had the time to ask God the same..

Cause my prayers

meant very little if he forgot to talk to him.. before the heart attack.. 

I think he was alright though... cause he worked so hard to put our

marriage right...and for that surely he deserved forgivness...

Our marriage was Built on Love...and with Love comes Forgivness

But I do understand after being hurt so much and it does Hurt that

bad.. I do understand you not being able to do this......I just chose

a different path is all. AND I might add never told my children

of the affair until I was forced to because some Drama Queen in my 

family chose to years later when they were nearly grown..

When my daughter asked me why I never told her.. I said.

Because that had nothing to do with your relationship between her

and her father..It was between Him and God by the time you were old

enough to understand..Not even between him and me.. So why get 

drama going like your Aunt just did.. Let it go.. remember your father

like he was.. A good father, provider, AND a Good husband to your mom

cause he was.. This gave my daughter a new look at life and how it is suppose to be...

she has a sound relationship now.. NOT sure she will do what I did

if ever cheated on.. And I would not want her to do what I did if it 

did not sit well with her.. BUT,, To forgive is Lovely, but to also forget

is Devine.. In my book.... 

I might add,,if some would like to look

at the money end of this.. Which I never do. BUT if I had not stayed with

him, I would have lost all his benefits and pensions and had a hard time

raising five kids with NO support, cause he would have not been here for

us to fight over child support and all that ugly stuff I see my friend going

though.. SO I think I made the right decision.. What do you all think


Quoting JessMomOf9:

In my situation, breaking up the relationships was the best thing for my children. No relationship meant no drama and arguments in the house. It was for their benefit. We tried to fix things. But staying with a man who cheated? I would never do that.





Quoting Anonymous:

he has cheated on me and we are still together. we work on our problems instead of just leaving and not trying to fix things. and we have a son together and i know for sure if we ever do break up i will fix it so i wont ever get pregnant again. im not ignorant.







Quoting DebnDrew:

 how is it gross?




I dearly hope your man never abuses or cheats on you, because A LOT of young ignorant moms make this claim, until it happens to them.......good luck to you.








Quoting Anonymous:

I have told my husband that if something ever happen to us i will never have any more kids cause i just dont believe in having kids by more then one man i think it is just gross but i dont judge others for it. if thats how they want to live then let them.


















angduse1
by on May. 4, 2013 at 2:41 PM
She is right. No one should
Judge. Circumstances are
Different. No two alike


Quoting hotmama83227:

constantly as in twice? the reason for number three was we wanted one together. i have all my kids, they are all very close and we are all doing really well. there are circumstances involved here btw that no one seems to ever consider. thats why i don't judge, because i really have no idea whats going on with that woman or her children.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why in the hell would you even be on a number 3? Short of constantly reproducing with men knocking on deaths door (still arguably falls under bad choices category) there is no reason to have kids with that many men. Still no excuse to go around failing to protect yourself. Hey, you (general) want to go out and bang a new guy daily, use protection, simple as that. But if you are doing that, what kind of parent would you really be? To damn many woman ignoring their kids attempting to keep a man by getting knocked up. No reason for 3.



Quoting hotmama83227:

what if you've been married to the third one for 10 yrs? 

Quoting Anonymous:

2 "babies daddys" understandable. 3,4,5,6 and up, you are to damn busy looking for a man and fucking men to possibly be a decent parent.




TeenMommyof1b1g
by on May. 4, 2013 at 2:47 PM

I don't judge on how many children women have by multiple fathers... my nephew (who isn't my BIL's) is my nephew irregardless of who his biological dad is. I see him as much my nephew as I see my BIL's biological daughter.

& I feel the term "baby daddy" should be used to refer to the men who had helped create the baby rather than he who helps raise the child. When I see "baby daddy" I assume that the father has no part in the childs life, wether it be thru child support or actually being with the child...

angduse1
by on May. 4, 2013 at 2:59 PM
I really don't think baby daddy so
Bad as calling them. Just sperm
Doners. That is a story I might
Give later.
ACDC_fan
by on May. 4, 2013 at 3:01 PM

If it's like 2 different fathers, no biggie, IMO. 
But 3 or more, and I am sorry, I can't help thinking- that's nasty. I just don't understand it. 

ACDC_fan
by on May. 4, 2013 at 3:04 PM


SAME.

One time when my daughter was a baby, a co-worker asked if I was still with her "baby daddy". I looked at her and said "I don't even know what that means. My daughter has a FATHER, and of course I'm with him. That term is NOT a part of my life. Trashy."....she was pissed lmao.  

Quoting TeenMommyof1b1g:

I don't judge on how many children women have by multiple fathers... my nephew (who isn't my BIL's) is my nephew irregardless of who his biological dad is. I see him as much my nephew as I see my BIL's biological daughter.

& I feel the term "baby daddy" should be used to refer to the men who had helped create the baby rather than he who helps raise the child. When I see "baby daddy" I assume that the father has no part in the childs life, wether it be thru child support or actually being with the child...



Anonymous
by Anonymous 166 on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:53 AM

Depends on the circumstances.  It definitely suggests poor decision making skills and bad judgement.  Also, what kind of example is that to the children-sleeping around.  And, possibly bringing men/women in and out of childrens lives?  Yep, I guess that I do judge a bit. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 167 on Oct. 9, 2013 at 11:57 AM
1 mom liked this

Just the ones who don't know who the father is out of 5 or more guys and then go on Maury to figure it out.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 168 on Nov. 24, 2013 at 1:49 AM
Bump
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