I'm going to start out by saying please no one bash me. I'm honestly just a single mom looking for answers. Let it be known that I DO supervise my son. I DO take care of my son very well. I am a 24yo single mom as I said, it's just me and him at home, and I can't have my eyes on him 24/7 because there are meals to be made and the house has to be clean.
My ex husband was abusive. He was never abusive towards my son, however my son witnessed it multiple times. I left him once, when my son was a year and a half, we separated for nine months, then after he got counseling and anger management I went back to him for a few months. We are separated again and for good this time. DS sees his dad every weekend. But that isn't what this post is about, just giving background info.
DS is 3, turning 4 in September. He has a condition known as DiGeorge Syndrome (it's a disorder where he's missing a chromosome). He has medical issues and takes 4 different medications regularly (for seizures, acid reflux, immune deficiency, and uses a nebulizer - breathing treatments). Over the course of the past year, he has developed behaviors that are destructive and sometimes downright dangerous. I don't know if these are due to his condition, due to the inconsistencies in his life, due to the abuse he witnessed. I really just don't know.
To name some of the recent ones that have caused me to say he's out of control -
* sneaks out of bed in the middle of the night, gets in the pantry and fridge, and gets food EVERYWHERE and I mean literally everywhere. The other night he got out a half full gallon of milk and stuffed all of his crayons in it. (I have bought locks for both to stop this because he has wasted so much food) He loves to stuff crayons and toys into his glass of whatever he's drinking.
* jumps on the bed every chance he gets
* climbs up on the couch and tries to jump off
* climbs on his dresser
* pushes chairs over to the stove and climbs up on top of the fridge (one of his middle of the night activities I have caught him at)
* gets into the litter box (5 minutes in the kitchen of me fixing his lunch and he had cat sh** covering his bed sheets, bedside table, and dresser - bathroom is right next to bedroom)
* throws toys, sometimes at me, sometimes at the cat
* constant tantrums (latest tantrum was because I wouldn't give him a cookie when he asked for one)
* doesn't listen to anything I say, favorite word is no
* runs away from me when we're out and about. just the other day he got away from me and ran towards the road, luckily the post lady was passing by and caught him
* takes the food from the cat's bowl and puts it in the water
I could go on, I feel I'm just tipping the ice berg here. I have tried everything under to the sun to stop these habits. I have done time out. I hate to say it but I have done spankings (to no result. he laughs). I have tried to talk to him calmly. I have taken things away. I have tried grounding. I have tried ignoring the behaviour, thinking it might be for attention. I have tried everything. Nothing works, it just gets worse.
I spoke to the babysitter. She says he does great when the other kids are there and he's playing with them. However, she was watching him while I worked the other day and they went to her sister's house, DS was playing with her niece, and he repeatedly took toys away from her to the point she was in tears. She kept him overnight when I worked night shift and caught him jumping on the bed at 1:30 in the morning.
I have spoken to DS's grandpa (I have a protective order on DS's dad, who lives with his parents, so any information and discussions have to go through them. He said DS never acts out to that degree while at their house, the worst he does is try to jump off the couch.
I have never received any behavioural complaints from his preschool teachers.
I am at the end of my rope. I cannot spend a good day with my son anymore, it is constant stress, over the top, to the point I just want to pull my hair out. It is downright awful anymore and I just don't know what is going on with him. He's still very young, and doesn't talk very well, so if something is bothering him to make him act like this, he can't tell me. My boyfriend thinks I should take him to a child psychologist. I looked things up on the internet about ODD and ADHD and have been thinking of taking him to his doctor to talk about these, or what else might be causing him to act like this. I don't want to resort to taking him to a psychologist or putting him on more medication because he has another disorder, but I really just do not know what to do anymore. If anyone has any constructive - and not rude or disrespectful - advice, I would really appreciate it.
Thank you and sorry this post is so long.