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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I'm thinking about playing the dying grandmother card..

Posted by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:40 AM
  • 135 Replies
Okay bare with me..

My ex husband and I share holidays. Since we live close and both of our families live close we decide to split holidays in a way that both sides get to see DS on evey holiday. We agreed to meet up at 3 and switch off every holiday. And we would alternate who got him first (like I would get him until 3 on Thanksgiving and my ex would har him until 3 on Christmas). We did it that way becuase if we were still married that is how things would work.

We also try to work it around my Exs work schedule.

Well evidently we didn't specifiy doing it this way for Easter in our divorce papers. Evidently we said we would alternate years for Easter. He would get him all day one year I would get him all day the next year.

We have never done this becuase my ex has worked every Easter since we have been divorced. So I hve had him for the majority of the day every Easter. But I still made sure either him t his family or to spend time with DS. Like one year I let my primer in laws take DS to church. Another year I brought DS to my ex after he got off work and then let him have DS for a week so he could go see his brother at the beach. So I've been more than fair and worked around their schedules.

Well this year my ex is off Easter weekend. It is also my Exs weekend to have DS. He called me last week asking what the plan was for Easter. I told him he could get DS from me anytime Friday (like normal) and then we would meet at 3. Well that's when he brought up our divorce papers and started saying that he wanted to keep DS all day. I told him that didn't seem fair and asked him what where his plans, and asking why he didn't want to meet me at 3 like we do every other holiday. Well then he hung up on me.

He later called me back and said that our divorce papers don't specifiy exchanging at 3, they say we alternate years and since he has never had him all day on Easter it is his turn. I argued that we never follow the papers they are just there for guidelines so unless he has something important going on I would like to get DS at 3 like always. He admitted that he didn't have anything special planned but he has every right to keep him the whole day and he wants to becuase he never has before...

So pretty much he wants to be selfish.

He isn't normally like this. He is normally very open about being fair, but I have a suspicion that things aren't going well with his new wife since the birth of their daughter. He has been grumpy and irritateing ever since she has been born. I know it is not my business it is just an observation.

But like I said, I always try to be fliexibale with them. I pretty much let him get extra time whenever he is off work or have something planned. I often let my former in laws come get DS for a day or so when they have something they want to do with him. For example, my former FIL is coming to get DS tomorrow becuase he is off work and they are going to plant a garden at his house and then go eat lunch with my former MIL. When my Exs new DD wa born I took DS over there so he could meet her. Then I took him over there again less than a week later when my former BIL and his family came up to meet her and get pictures made.

So I'm not stingy and I try to be fair and let my ex and his family have DS as much as possible. I know it is good for DS to spend time with their family just like mine.

So I don't see why my ex is being a pain in my rear end about Easter. It's not like I'm asking for the whole day. I'm asking for 3pm, which if we were following the papers, is only 3 hours early than when he would have to bring him home anyways ( I normally say bedtime).

Back to my point.

I'm thinking about mentioning to my ex that my grandmother is dying of cancer an this could be her last Easter. Which is true. We found out last week that she is not responding to chemo. Her doctor said to not make plans past 9 months.

I really want my DS to spend as much time with my family as possible. I want my DS to have memories of hunting eggs at my grandparents house and the taste of my grandmas mac n cheese.

I wouldn't be lying if I told my ex my grandmother is dying, but yet I feel bad about it. I feel like I would be using her condition to get my way.

My DH doesn't think it is wrong, but I'm unsure.

What do you guys think?

Edit: so I just spoke with my Exs dad ( becuase DS is over at their house and we were taking about when he was going to come home). I was asking what their Easter plans were. He said that they have everything planned for the morning and early afternoon so that my ex can bring DS to me at 3, like always. I told him that my ex was wanting to keep DS for the whole day for some reason. Even my former FIL, said that didn't seem right. He then said that my former BIL as his family would be leaving before 3 and that my ex plans on going over to his wife's families house.

Ugh. DS can't go over to his step moms parents house. They smoke in the house and DS has asthma. Furthermore he hates going over there becuase her nephews are mean to him and pick on him.

Not to mention how fair is it that instead of going to see my side of the family- people he is actually related to. He is going to have to go see people he isnt related to?
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by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
laranadtony
by Ruby Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:41 AM
6 moms liked this

I am not getting naked with you! You can forget that shit!

Ms.Pteranodon
by Platinum Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:44 AM
What?!



Quoting laranadtony:

I am not getting naked with you! You can forget that shit!


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Ms.Pteranodon
by Platinum Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:49 AM
Again sorry it is so long
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Ms.Pteranodon
by Platinum Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:56 AM
And I understand where he is coming from. He has never or to spend more than a few hours with DS on Easter. He has never taken DS to church on Easter, although his parents have. He has never taken him to an Easter egg hunt. But that is not my fault! He had to work.

And letting me have DS at three isn't going to stop him from doing that this year.

He will have DS the whole weekend. I know their church does their Easter egg hunt on the Saturday before. And he will have time to have lunch with his family and go to church and enjoy the day.

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mysticgrl
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:59 AM

Go 4 it!

seraphimsong
by Gold Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 12:03 PM
1 mom liked this
If your grandmother is actually ill then I would just talk to him about & and tell him how much it would mean to your family to have your ds there. If he doesn't agree though there isn't much you can do
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Ms.Pteranodon
by Platinum Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 2:09 PM
She is very ill. It has been a long battle and a long time coming, but it is down to the end.

And honestly the other option I have is threaten less time, but that wouldn't be fair to my DS. I could tell him if he wanted to play "by the papers" then I could too. I could tell him he can only get DS on his scheduled visitation. I can tell him he has to pick up and drop off at 6pm instead of anytime on Friday until bedtime Sunday.






Quoting seraphimsong:

If your grandmother is actually ill then I would just talk to him about & and tell him how much it would mean to your family to have your ds there. If he doesn't agree though there isn't much you can do

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Ms.Pteranodon
by Platinum Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 2:11 PM
You don't think it is wrong on a moral level.


Quoting mysticgrl:

Go 4 it!


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randomosityblog
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 2:12 PM
11 moms liked this

I am really confused as to why parents argue over such bullshit.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 24, 2013 at 2:15 PM

I didn't read the whole thing, it is too long but I will tell you, my ex plays the "my mother is dying" card at every holiday that is scheduled to be mine it's "this could be her last holiday, she is dying" he has been doing it for 4 years now. About year after he started doing it I started saying no, he would say "she is dying" and I said "well she better get to it them because she has been dying for over a year". If your grandmother is really dying, fine, talk to him but if not don't because then when she really is dying, he may not give you the extra time.

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