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She called my daughter the "r-word"

Posted by Anonymous
  • 37 Replies

Ok so my childrens' cousins IMO are little bullies. Every Sunday my in-laws cook for the family (and it started out being a small thing...just their kids and families).  My FIL is one of those people who will put a face on and treat others better than his own family. It gets on my nerves...but for the past few weeks he has given an open invite for the cousins to come eat too. 

I have bite my tongue and tried to deal with it and appreciate the free meal, even though the cousins and their kids are VERY annoying...always some drama and the conversation is ALWAYS about them.  Today I was going to the bathroom and in the bedroom I hear one of the little cousins tell my daughter (they are both 6 btw) "I don't want you in here, you are ugly, you stink and you look like a (r-word) because you have cross eyes"  Then she tells her "Just go outside, I am sick of looking at you, I don't play with people who have prettier clothes than me...I will only play with you if you take these scissors and cut your dress.." That's when I came into the bedroom.  I told my daughter who is in tears to come into the living room and told the other little girl that it is VERY wrong what she just said.  I took her to her mom and told her, her mom got mad at ME and said I am lying and they were just "being little girls". 

To avoid drama, I got my husband and we packed up our three kids and left.  I told my MIL (Sweeeeeet woman) that we won't be coming back for Sunday dinners just because it is becoming too much.  I know she is hurt by it, but my child shouldn't be put through that.  This is NOT the first time, almost every time my daughter ends up in tears and I am tired of it. 

Do you feel I did the right thing? My husband said I should have confronted and gave his parent's an ultimatum, but I felt my child just needed out of the situation asap. 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 24, 2013 at 4:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:04 PM


by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:06 PM
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I think you did a good thing by leaving.  

I would've also used the opportunity to teach her how to feel about herself, rather than having other people tell her what they think.  So if someone calls her ugly, you can ask, "What do you think?  Do you think you're ugly?" Then she would tell you how she feels about herself.  For me it's important to tell my kids how I feel about them, but also to teach them how to feel about themselves.

I also agree with leaving and saying that you probably won't be back as long as they are there.  If the cousin's parents aren't going to do anything, it's up to you to protect your child the best you can.

"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:08 PM

I wouldn't be going there for dinner anymore, especially since the mother doesn't believe what happened and isn't handling it. 

by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:08 PM
I agree with leaving and not coming back when the cousins are there. I also would've had a few choice words for that child's mother.

Make sure your mil knows why you won't be returning.
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by Platinum Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:10 PM

I would have done the same thing, no reason to see your little girl upset.  

by Silver Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:11 PM

I am sorry I am having a moment what is the r word?

by Give Thanks on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:12 PM

I think you did the right thing, personally. Not your house, only your child. Your in-laws can take the ball and run with it, now. Obviously if every time both families are there YOUR child is the one that ends up in tears, the other kids are causing it and hopefully your MIL will tell them that unless their kids are made to mind and not be little asshats then they won't be welcome OR if its an option maybe you guys could do a Saturday dinner with the in laws once or twice a month so your dd still gets to see them?

by Gold Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:16 PM

i think that you did the right thing also. confrontation just would have ended in a giant fight and a game of he said/she said. hopefully your in-laws will do some family dinners with JUST you and your family. 

on a side note, if anyone ever told me my kid said something like that? i would call them into a room that second to question them about it. there is no way that would fly with me and no way i would let my kids talk to someone like that. 

by Gold Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:18 PM
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I'm gonna assume she meant Retarded.

Quoting Deshonsmommy:

I am sorry I am having a moment what is the r word?

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by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:18 PM

girls will be girls are you kidding me?? thats bullying even by a relative. geez. if someone said that to my kid all hell would break loose. i wouldnt' care if it caused a scene or not. start crap with my kid i'll start crap with you. if they didnt like it oh well.

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