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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

If your kids (adopted) were treated differently

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies

Would you be able to get over it? What if it was a sibling? My sister has three kids I threw her showers for all of them. Watched them for her, took them with me camping, brought food. None of that has happened for my kids. Not even help with an announcement. Would you be able to get over it? What if family came from out of down went to dinner and no one invited you? What if your mom was mad at you for being mad at her and sibling? I honestly think she is jealous of me getting any attention. Which is bizarre she is fertile, I'm not. She is thin and pretty and healthy. I am slightly chub, diabetic and pretty. When I was adopting she got pregnant again and had the baby the same week I got my kids. She waited seven years after two and when I was signing papers got the itch. Since she had a c section my mom and dad were at er side and only saw my kids once the first two weeks. Would this hurt you? How do you feel wi favoritism that affects you and your kids? Am I unreasonable? 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:09 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:11 PM

They didn't even throw an adoption party for my kids and my sister wasn't going to go to the adoption ( I was there for her births ) until I made a stink about it...I don't want to force love my kids are awesome! 

mcginnisc
by *Claire-Bear* on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:23 PM
3 moms liked this

Honestly, if they think my daughter is not as important due to her adoption, then we don't need them in our lives. Dh and I told our family and friends when we started the process to adopt our daughter that there would be NO favoritism between bios and adopted. Period. If anyone stepped out of line and made snide, rude comments about her adoption as she is a different race due to being Internationally adopted, they would be cut out of our lives. Our daugher and her well being means more to us than family being turds. Luckily, our family adores our daughters ( adopted and bio) and show no favoritism at all. 

We worried a little about my GMIL accepting her since she is from China, but she went with us to China and absolutely adores her. We also worried about my brother and his family a little as they are pretty isolated living in the mountains and can be redneckish, but they adore her as well. We have no had to isolate anyone in 6 years. 

I would sit down and tell them what you expect out of them in regards to your children. It is very important that you explain to them that you will not tolerate them ignoring your children or treating them badly and if it continues, the relationship will be severed. Your children deserve better than that. Period. 

Claire


" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:28 PM

I have and they act like I am an unreasonable person. Like its my problem which I guess it is since it lot hurts me...

momto3B
by Gold Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:31 PM
1 mom liked this

No, you are not unreasonable. I have 2 adopted children and 1 bio. All of my kids were treated equally. Time to stand up for youself and your family and let the chips fall where they may. 

I am very sorry for you, you family does not sound very nice. 

momto3B
by Gold Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:32 PM
1 mom liked this

It is their problem that you have to deal with. Time to go all mama lion and tell them where to get off. 


Quoting Anonymous:

I have and they act like I am an unreasonable person. Like its my problem which I guess it is since it lot hurts me...



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:37 PM

I have told my sister I am done. My mom isn't happy about it but she is talking to me now. My bro is adopted and doesn't speak to my mom which doesn't help...ugggggg. My sister is my half sister and I have always treated her as a whole sister so has my dad...makes me sad she isn't cruel or mean to my kids just to into their lives, doesn't want to share in the happy stuff. I did throw my kids an adoption party at a friends house and my mom and sister said it wa awkward...only for them. They are how do I say this..standoffish. 

AllofFive19
by Ruby Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:39 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry you're hurting. Children are children whether biological or not.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:58 PM
My BIL said that when he & his former wife (now deceased) adopted their DD from China, the wife's family would only acknowledge their bio son and ignore the adopted DD. The DD never received Christmas or Birthday gifts from the wife's family, only the bio son did. BIL & wife cut her family out of their lives. For years they were estranged but then the wife became sick with cancer and died. Afterwards the wife's family tried to reach out to BIL and adopted DD but the damage had been done. They both want nothing to do with that side of the family. It's sad. I personally would want more people in my life to love and to love me back. How that side of the family could be so cruel to an innocent child. I totally get why my BIL could never forgive them for their horrible behaviour.
onethentwins
by Platinum Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 1:46 AM
1 mom liked this

You're a parent now. Your children's feelings must come before the feelings of your mother or sister, or even your own. If mom and sis won't treat your children as equal and important members of their family, then they shouldn't be family at all. That's the only reasonable conclusion.

Congratualations on your children.

 

adopteeme
by Bronze Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 4:40 AM
As an adoptee who grew up in a home with the "real" and "not real" divide I say cut them off.
We've already endured loss and rejection by our birth family, and there's not a thing we can do about it. To go through that rejection again in the adoptive family is way too much to ask of us.
There's nothing we can do or say to live up to being genetically related to you.
Adoptees can wish with all their might that we WERE born to you, but it will never be so.

Is there already an adoption based divide in your family if your abro has disconnected from your Mother?
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