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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Looks like I'm not getting married

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 20 Replies
1 mom liked this
Df and his ex wife finalized their divorce September of 2011. I had met him February of 2009, before anyone says it, no he didn't leave her for me, they had seperated in 2008 after she left him for another man. Anyway, so while he and I were together, we discussed marriage after their divorce, but knew we wanted to wait awhile after, just to be sure it's something we both wanted. It's not a topic often brought up between us, we live as a married couple, just are not married. In this time, I've gotten to know his family quite well, and he my family. Everyone gets along. His mother and I, and his sister and I (really the only family he has) get along great! But then his family or my family asks about marriage. And not in a "well when's the wedding happening?!" manner, but in a "you're not going to marry him are you?" manner. His mother and sister of course have their say with him of "you don't want to rush into another marriage followed by another ugly divorce do you?" attitudes. My family is always "are you sure you want to get married? Why the hassle?" I tell his sister marriage isn't something we've talked about lately, but if we do, it's not going to be a huge ceremony, maybe just a Justice of the Peace ceremony at city hall. She responds with "oh good, I was hoping you wouldn't marry my brother, I mean he's my brother and all, but I wouldn't marry him..."

Df is a good guy. A wonderful provider, wonderful father, someone I get along with great, we have fun, laugh, talk, granted he has a stupid past, but I haven't seen his past resurface, (convictions) his family even admits I'm probably the best thing to happen to him, he's been on a straight and narrow path, no problems, steady and stable, they're glad to see him with someone to keep him together, and someone who really does make him happy. So then why the issue when it comes to marriage? I don't want to ruin any relationships between anyone if we get married, between him and his family, myself and his family, between myself and my family, but I don't want to walk around 10 years from now explaining why he's my boyfriend, and I do admittedly want the benefits of a marriage.

So I set aside my own desires, for a long term commited relationship, because his mom and sisters comments have gotten to him, he doesn't see the point in a marriage anymore.

Am I wrong for wanting to be married? How do I approach this? Should I or should I be content to stay long term commited?
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 25, 2013 at 7:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:00 PM
If everyone has that attitude maybe there's something they see in him that you don't. And why would you want to marry a man that's so easily influenced by the opinions of others?
AF2011
by Ruby Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:05 PM

First you shouldn't really care about what people think. No one but you two are gonna be in the relationship. Sit him down and talk to him without his family or your family there.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:05 PM

If you really want to get married you will never be happy just being the girlfriend. The relationship is about you and him. I would not focus on what his family wants. I would focus on what we as a family want. I feel that you want marriage. I feel that you should go for it.

AnHpuresugar
by Ruby Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:06 PM

Do you have children together?  Does he talk about getting married?  What kind of convictions?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:08 PM
There's really nothing I don't know about him or his past even, relationships and all, he's told me all of it, and his sister has spilled the beans as well (his sister is a gossip). I guess I never thought much about his relationship with his mom and sister, between the crappy childhood, and his own mistakes later, his mom, sister and himself have always been there for each other, I sometimes envy their relationship, I sometimes wish I could have a close relationship to my mother like he has, his mother is more motherly to my than my own mother.

Quoting Anonymous:

If everyone has that attitude maybe there's something they see in him that you don't. And why would you want to marry a man that's so easily influenced by the opinions of others?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:09 PM
I know I shouldn't, I just don't want to be the burden or factor to a broken relationship with his family.

Quoting AF2011:

First you shouldn't really care about what people think. No one but you two are gonna be in the relationship. Sit him down and talk to him without his family or your family there.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:12 PM
We have a daughter together yes, he brings up marriage again, does that thing almost every woman in the land of CM can't stand, and that is introducing me to his friends as his wife, but when I bring it up, he doesn't see why it needs to happen "you're my wife, I don't need the government to define that for us" his words. His convictions I don't really see how they matter, he's 37 now these happened when he was 18 and 19 years old, but they were burglary charges.

Quoting AnHpuresugar:

Do you have children together?  Does he talk about getting married?  What kind of convictions?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:13 PM
Even if that possibly means creating tension between everyone?

Quoting Anonymous:

If you really want to get married you will never be happy just being the girlfriend. The relationship is about you and him. I would not focus on what his family wants. I would focus on what we as a family want. I feel that you want marriage. I feel that you should go for it.

michelalove
by Bronze Member on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:15 PM

my SO always tells me we are never getting married, my grandparents were never married. (: 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 25, 2013 at 8:17 PM

 

The only person you are marrying is your man. You can spend your life being happy or you could spend it trying to please people who are inlaws. This union is about the two of you. The rest of the folk will fall in line.

Quoting Anonymous:

Even if that possibly means creating tension between everyone?

Quoting Anonymous:

If you really want to get married you will never be happy just being the girlfriend. The relationship is about you and him. I would not focus on what his family wants. I would focus on what we as a family want. I feel that you want marriage. I feel that you should go for it.


 

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