I hate my job to the point of possible mental breakdown
I SHOULD be feeling very lucky. I'm self employed. I make my own hours. I'm paid ok (but not great). I have good earning POTENTIAL if I were to work a shit load more hours than I do. But at least that potential is there.
But I HATE this job. I hate it so much that I feel depressed when I'm not working because I can't enjoy my time off (knowing I have to return to work). I can't ever not work holidays or weekends because my clients need me most during those times.
I loved my job for 13 years. Now all of the sudden I can't even fathom retiring in this line of work and most of the time I barely make it through each day of work, then I cry myself to sleep at night. I don't tell my husband that. Most of the time I sneak out of bed or I won't let him in bed with me, because I don't want him to know that I wake up crying.
Our family needs the money badly. So I can't quit. My husband pretty much demands a wife who wants to work. He doesn't want a SAHM. I don't really want to be a SAHM either. I want to earn a living but not doing something that's slowly putting me in the mental hospital.
I considered going back to school but I have a learning disability in MATH. All of the things I'm interested in are science based (nursing, NP, doctor, PA, etc). What should I do? :(
My interests include children, photography, medicine and anything creative. I'm a mom of four. I'm also incredibly talented musically and with my camera.