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DH says I don't have a right to be mad.

Posted by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:08 AM
  • 118 Replies

Okay, so my DH has 2 kids from a previous marriage.  He and biomom are both remarried.  We do 50/50.  She gets them every Sunday.  Then we pick them up either Wednesday or Thursday.  This week was supposed to be our Wednesday to pick up the kids. 

When biomom came for the kids on Sunday she asked if she could please keep them until Thursday this week, because her husband's family was going to be in town. And they are leaving on the monday after Easter.

I told her that I'm sorry, but my family is also in town, but only until Friday morning.  And Friday is DH's birthday. So this week is very bad.  BUT, if she wanted, since DH has to work Friday, I could bring them to her just while he's at work. BUT that it may only end up being from like 5am (when I leave to drive my little sister and baby nephew home) until about 10am when DH gest off from work.

She said, that would be great, thank you. 

DH said, no, he's not letting her have them at all on his birthday. 

I said "Why not, we need someone to watch them anyway? And you can get them back as soon as you are off from work? What's it matter if you're working? She's their mom after all and you will be at work."

He said that's not going to work for him.

He said that he would call her Tuesday and let her know what he decides.

So, DH and I talk it out and I express to him that it is snowing, so the kids don't have any school. So, his ex's inlaws are getting a lot of time to see the kids. And, since my sister and nephew (both kids by the way, my sister is only 17, nephew 4. She is not his mom. He's our older brother's child.)  are only going to be in town until friday morning very early, it would be really great if they could come home Wednesday.  I say that if it was biomom's family, I would feel differently. But, that I don't think their stepfather's parents are more important than my family. And, that if we pick them up on Thursday, my family will only get one evening with the kiddos.  So, please pick them up Wednesday. 

So, he calls his ex and tells her she can just keep them until Thursday. She says, if I want to I can pick them up at 11, instead of 3 so my family can see them more.  DH says, no, he won't be off work until 3. So she can have them until then. 

My sister actually cried when I told her she wasn't going to see them until Thursday at 3. This is the last chance for her to see them before she graduates high school, and moves away to college. We haven't told my nephew yet.  

Anyway, so I'm mad. And DH says that I should just support him and keep my mouth shut.  I say, he should recognize that my family is a part of his family now too (we've been married 2 1/2 years, he's been in my nephew's life since he was 6 weeks old) and that it really hurts me that he didn't make them a priority. 

Sorry this is so long.  Would you be mad in my situation? Or, since I am just the stepmom do I have to bite my tongue and let him do what he wants? Even though it's just doing something for stpedad, and not biomom. 

by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
needsupport100
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:12 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree your family isn't more important than step father's family BUT i also agree, if your dh can't be there for visitation, they need to be with bm (right of first refusal basically).

i can understand your pov, but at the same time, it IS ultimately up to the parents, and that's what your dh decided to do-rightfully or not

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:12 AM
1 mom liked this
I am on your side.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:14 AM
2 moms liked this

So wait, you would feel differently if it were the exs ''real'' family? You do realize your sister and nephew aren't ''real'' family, right? I think you all are being immature!

laranadtony
by Ruby Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:14 AM
1 mom liked this

I would usually say "stay out of it, you are the stepmom" but I am for any stepmom that is cool with kids being with their bio mom(same for bio moms who are cool with stepmoms) regardless of the reason.

He has a good thing in the two of you.  He better treasure it.

GhettoKoolAide
by Nuggy's Cult Mistres on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:15 AM
1 mom liked this
But the BM doesn't care so the first right of refusal is a moot point.


Quoting needsupport100:

I agree your family isn't more important than step father's family BUT i also agree, if your dh can't be there for visitation, they need to be with bm (right of first refusal basically).


i can understand your pov, but at the same time, it IS ultimately up to the parents, and that's what your dh decided to do-rightfully or not


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Ms.Pteranodon
by Platinum Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:17 AM
The kids should be with their mom while their dad is working.

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RandiBear
by Silver Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:18 AM
4 moms liked this
Ok I'm confused. Your family is more important than their stepdad's family? You are a stepmom too so how does that even make sense?
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Maevelyn
by Gold Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:19 AM
1 mom liked this

I think he was getting back at you for being nice to his ex wife. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:20 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree, but in this case it sounds like mom was on board and dad was just being an ass.

Quoting needsupport100:

I agree your family isn't more important than step father's family BUT i also agree, if your dh can't be there for visitation, they need to be with bm (right of first refusal basically).


i can understand your pov, but at the same time, it IS ultimately up to the parents, and that's what your dh decided to do-rightfully or not

needsupport100
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 9:20 AM

 


Quoting GhettoKoolAide:

But the BM doesn't care so the first right of refusal is a moot point.

I was using that as an example-if DAD will not be there, then mom should have them. mom doesn't care-but apparently dad DOES. that's my point
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