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CPS: we are the GOOD guys

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I am getting so tired of people bashing CPS. Caseworkers work their butts off for hardly any pay to help protect the most vulnerable of children. We are required by law to look into all allegations that fit the criteria and yes sometimes we have to give a child back to a parent when they've only barely met the minimum necessary for reunification. We are not the BAD people. We are the GOOD people.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 28, 2013 at 8:30 PM
Replies (891-897):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 259 on Mar. 1, 2017 at 8:35 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe most of you are, or used to be. Sad FACT is that many CPS workers get a kickback for stealing children and putting them up for adoption.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 258 on Mar. 1, 2017 at 10:20 PM
It is absolutely sickening. The only thing more sickening than a child being abused, is a child that could have been saved from it and wasn't. To be clear, though, the tooth in the stomach came from his fatal blow; and the blood soaked crib and clothing were only found after his death. The broken back, I do not know if CPS saw that; but I think it was only 2 days prior to his death that he was taken to the doctor WITH the broken back, but the doctor did not perform a full check up because "the child was crabby". Uh, no duh. His death not only falls on his mother who allowed her boyfriend to beat her baby, on the cps worker(s) who saw nothing wrong with this child, on the supervisor(s) who did not listen to the recommendation of workers who DID say he should be removed, and the judge who determined he could be returned to his home - it also falls on the doctor at this last visit. Okay, maybe it was hard to do a check up on him, so maybe evidence of a broken back was not immediately noticeable. But how in the world was this woman able to take her child home with bite marks around his lips and missing nails from his finger (toes may have been covered by socks and shoes)?!!! If I would have been a doctor and seen those things, it would have made me deal with the child's crabbiness even MORE to make SURE there were no broken bones or other major signs of abuse!!! It was also said that the last CPS worker to visit him did not notice the bite marks around his lips, because the child's face was smeared with chocolate. It was discussed after his death that his mother did this intentionally to hide the bite marks. I've never been involved with CPS, so I could be wrong about this, but I think most check-ups take half an hour to an hour. If *I* were a CPS case-worker, and a mother left her child smeared with chocolate for that amount of time, it would RAISE RED FLAGS, not make me think all was well. And I would like to think I either would have cleaned his face myself, or asked the mother to do so, or make a surprise visit back the next day. Instead, it got ignored. So, sad sad for this little boy. And the absolute most sickest part of all is, children are abused horrifically every single day. CPS is the system we have in place to stop it; but it is not working. It is WAY too common of an occurrence. I wish I was a person who could make changes. Since I am not, it is WAY past time for somebody who CAN to do something about it. I've heard of so many more stories than just this poor little boy's. Sometimes CPS is involved, sometimes they never even got a call that a child was potentially in danger. We need to fight child abuse better than this.

Quoting mamaof3forlife: This story on baby Peter seriously made me sick to my stomach!!! Like why the hell did they not remove him permanently? He was obviously being abused. Like what the f***? Like how the f*** can a case worker go to sleep at night KNOWING that poor baby was being extremely abused? Like what the hell goes on in the mind of these animals that abuse kids let alone babies? I cannot begin to imagine the pain that poor baby went through 😭😭😭

Quoting Anonymous 258: I do believe there are a lot of good workers in CPS.

I also believe there are the bad workers who either just want a check and really don't care; or just want the title and power. There are MANY times the CPS worker 'didn't see anything wrong' and a regular person, untrained in any of this is like, how in the h*ll did you NOT see that?!

I also believe that your hands are tied WAY more often than they should be. I'll never forget the story of Baby Peter Connelly. He was visited by more than one worker, by more than one CPS service; and had (I don't know how to say this but) suggestions to be removed from his home. By the time he died he had a broken back, dog bite marks around his lips, dog bite marks on the top of his head, was missing a couple fingernails and at least one toenail, his ear was coming off the side of his head, he had a tooth in his stomach from being punched so hard in the face, and his crib any many articles of clothing were found completely covered in blood. But according to the supervisors, he couldn't be removed. That's just a big, fat, WHAT?! That's your job, that's what your trained and paid to do! So why in the world would guidelines say that OBVIOUS SIGNS OF ABUSE are not enough??!!! But, apparently they do, or else that little boy might still be alive. They even removed him once, and had to send him back. It's ridiculous that we tell you this is your job, and then don't let you do it. Of course, there was at least one case worker in that story that 'thought everything was fine'. Parents rights should NEVER top children's rights. Ever. The children are our future. I know that's a line; but it's TRUE.

One of the biggest problems you guys face is caseloads. I actually have a suggestion on how to make this better; but I'm sure I'd get called stupid for suggesting it. But, my thinking is, maybe have more than one level of worker. The 'lower level' worker wouldn't need much training at all (of course, they would be paid a lower wage then, too) but they would almost be like 'peer support'. They just go hang out with the family for a few hours and offer support (like ideas on how to handle situations) and kind of monitor things, a few hours a day for a few days per week for maybe a couple to a few weeks. If they find nothing 'off' about the family, case closed. This would solve the problem of workers being taken up by bogus claims. If there is ANY indication something just isn't quite right, then they switch off to 'higher level' workers. Maybe it would even be possible, if we are saving the resources from bogus claims, that two workers could be assigned per family. That way you don't end up with the person who sees nothing, or the person on the power trip. It's possible we'd need more funding to be able to do two workers per case, but then that leads to the question, WHY THE F*CK ISN'T THERE MORE FUNDING TO HELP STOP CHILD ABUSE??!!! This sh*t REALLY p*sses me off!!! There are people rich beyond f*n belief, and we can't make child abuse a bigger priority?!!! It is such a big problem, on a global level, children are getting terrorised and sometimes beat to death!! Yet we all say, 'so sad' and look away!

Anyway, back to my idea (sorry, I just cannot believe this it is still possible in this day and age that this is still such a frequent thing.) So then, if you've had one 'lower level' and possibly two 'higher level' caseworkers say that the child should be removed, maybe more people would listen that the child should be removed. And I understand in some cases, the parents just need help or to get themselves back 'in line'; but serious abuse allegations, if the child has marks or is constantly screamed at, sworn at, etc; I don't honestly believe we should be returning as many children as we do to their parents. People don't really 'change' too much. Like I said, yes there are many circumstances where a parent can get back on the right track; but that one's hard to figure out. I mean, how many chances does a parent get? Idk how many times. I'm hoping the rule is, if you do things wrong after getting them back, that's it, you're done. But someone with knowledge of child psychology could help figure this part out better than me. I will admit, I don't have all the answers.

And that's the end of my vent. Yes, some of you are fantastic and it's the system that sucks. Others, not so great at their job. But someone way up there that makes the rules for this sort of thing needs to figure out how to FIX it! And we 'regular people' need to start making more of a stand to help end child abuse.
mamaof3forlife
by Bronze Member on Mar. 1, 2017 at 11:09 PM
I absolutely agree with a 100%. Child abuse happens way too often im my opinion; something's got to change. I just came across this very old post and was suprised by the number of comments of women that were abused as a child. It seriously made my heart ache for them. Also, the stories shared here on here about child abuse made me sick to my stomach. The story you shared on baby Peter, I have never heard of it (I stay away from the news as much as I can) and I couldn't bring myself to google it. I know it would have emotionally messed me up more than I already am. This whole story is f*** up in so many levels. Extremely sad.

Quoting Anonymous 258: It is absolutely sickening. The only thing more sickening than a child being abused, is a child that could have been saved from it and wasn't. To be clear, though, the tooth in the stomach came from his fatal blow; and the blood soaked crib and clothing were only found after his death. The broken back, I do not know if CPS saw that; but I think it was only 2 days prior to his death that he was taken to the doctor WITH the broken back, but the doctor did not perform a full check up because "the child was crabby". Uh, no duh. His death not only falls on his mother who allowed her boyfriend to beat her baby, on the cps worker(s) who saw nothing wrong with this child, on the supervisor(s) who did not listen to the recommendation of workers who DID say he should be removed, and the judge who determined he could be returned to his home - it also falls on the doctor at this last visit. Okay, maybe it was hard to do a check up on him, so maybe evidence of a broken back was not immediately noticeable. But how in the world was this woman able to take her child home with bite marks around his lips and missing nails from his finger (toes may have been covered by socks and shoes)?!!! If I would have been a doctor and seen those things, it would have made me deal with the child's crabbiness even MORE to make SURE there were no broken bones or other major signs of abuse!!! It was also said that the last CPS worker to visit him did not notice the bite marks around his lips, because the child's face was smeared with chocolate. It was discussed after his death that his mother did this intentionally to hide the bite marks. I've never been involved with CPS, so I could be wrong about this, but I think most check-ups take half an hour to an hour. If *I* were a CPS case-worker, and a mother left her child smeared with chocolate for that amount of time, it would RAISE RED FLAGS, not make me think all was well. And I would like to think I either would have cleaned his face myself, or asked the mother to do so, or make a surprise visit back the next day. Instead, it got ignored. So, sad sad for this little boy. And the absolute most sickest part of all is, children are abused horrifically every single day. CPS is the system we have in place to stop it; but it is not working. It is WAY too common of an occurrence. I wish I was a person who could make changes. Since I am not, it is WAY past time for somebody who CAN to do something about it. I've heard of so many more stories than just this poor little boy's. Sometimes CPS is involved, sometimes they never even got a call that a child was potentially in danger. We need to fight child abuse better than this.

Quoting mamaof3forlife: This story on baby Peter seriously made me sick to my stomach!!! Like why the hell did they not remove him permanently? He was obviously being abused. Like what the f***? Like how the f*** can a case worker go to sleep at night KNOWING that poor baby was being extremely abused? Like what the hell goes on in the mind of these animals that abuse kids let alone babies? I cannot begin to imagine the pain that poor baby went through 😭😭😭

Quoting Anonymous 258: I do believe there are a lot of good workers in CPS.

I also believe there are the bad workers who either just want a check and really don't care; or just want the title and power. There are MANY times the CPS worker 'didn't see anything wrong' and a regular person, untrained in any of this is like, how in the h*ll did you NOT see that?!

I also believe that your hands are tied WAY more often than they should be. I'll never forget the story of Baby Peter Connelly. He was visited by more than one worker, by more than one CPS service; and had (I don't know how to say this but) suggestions to be removed from his home. By the time he died he had a broken back, dog bite marks around his lips, dog bite marks on the top of his head, was missing a couple fingernails and at least one toenail, his ear was coming off the side of his head, he had a tooth in his stomach from being punched so hard in the face, and his crib any many articles of clothing were found completely covered in blood. But according to the supervisors, he couldn't be removed. That's just a big, fat, WHAT?! That's your job, that's what your trained and paid to do! So why in the world would guidelines say that OBVIOUS SIGNS OF ABUSE are not enough??!!! But, apparently they do, or else that little boy might still be alive. They even removed him once, and had to send him back. It's ridiculous that we tell you this is your job, and then don't let you do it. Of course, there was at least one case worker in that story that 'thought everything was fine'. Parents rights should NEVER top children's rights. Ever. The children are our future. I know that's a line; but it's TRUE.

One of the biggest problems you guys face is caseloads. I actually have a suggestion on how to make this better; but I'm sure I'd get called stupid for suggesting it. But, my thinking is, maybe have more than one level of worker. The 'lower level' worker wouldn't need much training at all (of course, they would be paid a lower wage then, too) but they would almost be like 'peer support'. They just go hang out with the family for a few hours and offer support (like ideas on how to handle situations) and kind of monitor things, a few hours a day for a few days per week for maybe a couple to a few weeks. If they find nothing 'off' about the family, case closed. This would solve the problem of workers being taken up by bogus claims. If there is ANY indication something just isn't quite right, then they switch off to 'higher level' workers. Maybe it would even be possible, if we are saving the resources from bogus claims, that two workers could be assigned per family. That way you don't end up with the person who sees nothing, or the person on the power trip. It's possible we'd need more funding to be able to do two workers per case, but then that leads to the question, WHY THE F*CK ISN'T THERE MORE FUNDING TO HELP STOP CHILD ABUSE??!!! This sh*t REALLY p*sses me off!!! There are people rich beyond f*n belief, and we can't make child abuse a bigger priority?!!! It is such a big problem, on a global level, children are getting terrorised and sometimes beat to death!! Yet we all say, 'so sad' and look away!

Anyway, back to my idea (sorry, I just cannot believe this it is still possible in this day and age that this is still such a frequent thing.) So then, if you've had one 'lower level' and possibly two 'higher level' caseworkers say that the child should be removed, maybe more people would listen that the child should be removed. And I understand in some cases, the parents just need help or to get themselves back 'in line'; but serious abuse allegations, if the child has marks or is constantly screamed at, sworn at, etc; I don't honestly believe we should be returning as many children as we do to their parents. People don't really 'change' too much. Like I said, yes there are many circumstances where a parent can get back on the right track; but that one's hard to figure out. I mean, how many chances does a parent get? Idk how many times. I'm hoping the rule is, if you do things wrong after getting them back, that's it, you're done. But someone with knowledge of child psychology could help figure this part out better than me. I will admit, I don't have all the answers.

And that's the end of my vent. Yes, some of you are fantastic and it's the system that sucks. Others, not so great at their job. But someone way up there that makes the rules for this sort of thing needs to figure out how to FIX it! And we 'regular people' need to start making more of a stand to help end child abuse.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 258 on Mar. 2, 2017 at 12:37 AM

That's pretty much what happened to me. It took me a minute to realize it was an old post, lol; but I had to share this story, and then I started reading all of the other quotes and it is absolutely horrifying how frequent stuff like this really happens. I accidentally got lost for a couple to a few months on YouTube in child abuse stories. It was probably something I should have not looked at. (It started off I clicked on a suggestion of like, '10 most evil children' and I figured it was something about like children talking to ghosts or something. I like spooky stories. But then I saw the story of James Bulgar on there, and became very caught up in that story; it is a mind-numbing, heart-wreching story.) I think because I watched a few clips on that, it started bringing up child abuse cases. I couldn't turn away and I have cried millions of tears. It did mess me up more than I already am.

I am a victim of moderate abuse as a child. I was never raped, but I was molested; I was never beat, but I was verbally assaulted often. So, I have not handled this realization well. Because I have my own emotional problems, I do not feel like I would be a strong enough person to advocate for these children on the big picture. I thought about being a CPS worker myself at one point; but would not be able to handle it when I couldn't remove a child that needed it. I've thought about being a foster parent; but one, I probably wouldn't be able to because of my mental problems (though I have never and would never hurt a child), and two, because I would die inside everytime they placed a child with me (because I'd know they'd been abused) and then I would do everything in my power to 'nurse them back to health", and then I would literally lose it if they would take a child back from me to give back to their abusers, a child that I nurtured and was (probably, knowing me) already felt love for. I'm not saying I'd want to steal babies from good homes because I'd fall in love with them; but it's pretty much a fact that (I don't know the percentage; but I'm sure it's a higher number) a big percentage of children get abused again.

I'm sorry for all of this; this is just a subject that I am really passionate about; and I really wish I was a stronger person to be able to help children more. There is actually fault in a lot of places. People see abuse and don't report it, people make up false claims and take up people's time, laws are not written correctly sometimes that should be changed to protect the children, punishment for child abuse should be much harsher than it is (the mother of baby Peter was sentenced to a "minimum of 5 years for allowing the death of her son" and only served 4 years when she was released. This was in the UK. But US isn't much better. Baby Briana Lopez's mother was sentenced to 27 years in prison for allowing the brutal death of her 5 1/2 month old; and served 13 years. THIRTEEN YEARS! Minimum 5 year sentence in UK?!!!) There are laws that NEED TO CHANGE.

But if the only way I can help if to call CPS if I see a threat to children (although, then you're stuck between a rock and a hard place because there really SHOULD be monitoring of foster homes and adoption homes. Maybe adoption homes you leave them alone after a while unless there is a report - but it's sick and twisted someone needs to be scared of calling on a mother that sometimes neglects, sometimes emotionally scars her children, because foster care really could be worse.

And the only other way I can figure to maybe give someone who has power, or is in a position to start rallying to change these things, a kick in the butt when they read what I've wrote. Someone who will read what I wrote and say, "hey, I'm gonna get all my friends together and we're going to petition the government to start fixing these cracks." There are people out there all the time saying, 'let's make changes to stuff', animal rights and LGBT rights and food drives and oh my goodness so many things. We shouldn't NEED to rally the government to do things better to protect innocent, defenseless, teeny, tiny, terrified children.... But I guess they're not going to do it on their own. Please somebody out there start making a stand.

Quoting mamaof3forlife: I absolutely agree with a 100%. Child abuse happens way too often im my opinion; something's got to change. I just came across this very old post and was suprised by the number of comments of women that were abused as a child. It seriously made my heart ache for them. Also, the stories shared here on here about child abuse made me sick to my stomach. The story you shared on baby Peter, I have never heard of it (I stay away from the news as much as I can) and I couldn't bring myself to google it. I know it would have emotionally messed me up more than I already am. This whole story is f*** up in so many levels. Extremely sad.
Quoting Anonymous 258: It is absolutely sickening. The only thing more sickening than a child being abused, is a child that could have been saved from it and wasn't. To be clear, though, the tooth in the stomach came from his fatal blow; and the blood soaked crib and clothing were only found after his death. The broken back, I do not know if CPS saw that; but I think it was only 2 days prior to his death that he was taken to the doctor WITH the broken back, but the doctor did not perform a full check up because "the child was crabby". Uh, no duh. His death not only falls on his mother who allowed her boyfriend to beat her baby, on the cps worker(s) who saw nothing wrong with this child, on the supervisor(s) who did not listen to the recommendation of workers who DID say he should be removed, and the judge who determined he could be returned to his home - it also falls on the doctor at this last visit. Okay, maybe it was hard to do a check up on him, so maybe evidence of a broken back was not immediately noticeable. But how in the world was this woman able to take her child home with bite marks around his lips and missing nails from his finger (toes may have been covered by socks and shoes)?!!! If I would have been a doctor and seen those things, it would have made me deal with the child's crabbiness even MORE to make SURE there were no broken bones or other major signs of abuse!!! It was also said that the last CPS worker to visit him did not notice the bite marks around his lips, because the child's face was smeared with chocolate. It was discussed after his death that his mother did this intentionally to hide the bite marks. I've never been involved with CPS, so I could be wrong about this, but I think most check-ups take half an hour to an hour. If *I* were a CPS case-worker, and a mother left her child smeared with chocolate for that amount of time, it would RAISE RED FLAGS, not make me think all was well. And I would like to think I either would have cleaned his face myself, or asked the mother to do so, or make a surprise visit back the next day. Instead, it got ignored. So, sad sad for this little boy. And the absolute most sickest part of all is, children are abused horrifically every single day. CPS is the system we have in place to stop it; but it is not working. It is WAY too common of an occurrence. I wish I was a person who could make changes. Since I am not, it is WAY past time for somebody who CAN to do something about it. I've heard of so many more stories than just this poor little boy's. Sometimes CPS is involved, sometimes they never even got a call that a child was potentially in danger. We need to fight child abuse better than this.
Quoting mamaof3forlife: This story on baby Peter seriously made me sick to my stomach!!! Like why the hell did they not remove him permanently? He was obviously being abused. Like what the f***? Like how the f*** can a case worker go to sleep at night KNOWING that poor baby was being extremely abused? Like what the hell goes on in the mind of these animals that abuse kids let alone babies? I cannot begin to imagine the pain that poor baby went through 😭😭😭
Quoting Anonymous 258: I do believe there are a lot of good workers in CPS. I also believe there are the bad workers who either just want a check and really don't care; or just want the title and power. There are MANY times the CPS worker 'didn't see anything wrong' and a regular person, untrained in any of this is like, how in the h*ll did you NOT see that?! I also believe that your hands are tied WAY more often than they should be. I'll never forget the story of Baby Peter Connelly. He was visited by more than one worker, by more than one CPS service; and had (I don't know how to say this but) suggestions to be removed from his home. By the time he died he had a broken back, dog bite marks around his lips, dog bite marks on the top of his head, was missing a couple fingernails and at least one toenail, his ear was coming off the side of his head, he had a tooth in his stomach from being punched so hard in the face, and his crib any many articles of clothing were found completely covered in blood. But according to the supervisors, he couldn't be removed. That's just a big, fat, WHAT?! That's your job, that's what your trained and paid to do! So why in the world would guidelines say that OBVIOUS SIGNS OF ABUSE are not enough??!!! But, apparently they do, or else that little boy might still be alive. They even removed him once, and had to send him back. It's ridiculous that we tell you this is your job, and then don't let you do it. Of course, there was at least one case worker in that story that 'thought everything was fine'. Parents rights should NEVER top children's rights. Ever. The children are our future. I know that's a line; but it's TRUE. One of the biggest problems you guys face is caseloads. I actually have a suggestion on how to make this better; but I'm sure I'd get called stupid for suggesting it. But, my thinking is, maybe have more than one level of worker. The 'lower level' worker wouldn't need much training at all (of course, they would be paid a lower wage then, too) but they would almost be like 'peer support'. They just go hang out with the family for a few hours and offer support (like ideas on how to handle situations) and kind of monitor things, a few hours a day for a few days per week for maybe a couple to a few weeks. If they find nothing 'off' about the family, case closed. This would solve the problem of workers being taken up by bogus claims. If there is ANY indication something just isn't quite right, then they switch off to 'higher level' workers. Maybe it would even be possible, if we are saving the resources from bogus claims, that two workers could be assigned per family. That way you don't end up with the person who sees nothing, or the person on the power trip. It's possible we'd need more funding to be able to do two workers per case, but then that leads to the question, WHY THE F*CK ISN'T THERE MORE FUNDING TO HELP STOP CHILD ABUSE??!!! This sh*t REALLY p*sses me off!!! There are people rich beyond f*n belief, and we can't make child abuse a bigger priority?!!! It is such a big problem, on a global level, children are getting terrorised and sometimes beat to death!! Yet we all say, 'so sad' and look away! Anyway, back to my idea (sorry, I just cannot believe this it is still possible in this day and age that this is still such a frequent thing.) So then, if you've had one 'lower level' and possibly two 'higher level' caseworkers say that the child should be removed, maybe more people would listen that the child should be removed. And I understand in some cases, the parents just need help or to get themselves back 'in line'; but serious abuse allegations, if the child has marks or is constantly screamed at, sworn at, etc; I don't honestly believe we should be returning as many children as we do to their parents. People don't really 'change' too much. Like I said, yes there are many circumstances where a parent can get back on the right track; but that one's hard to figure out. I mean, how many chances does a parent get? Idk how many times. I'm hoping the rule is, if you do things wrong after getting them back, that's it, you're done. But someone with knowledge of child psychology could help figure this part out better than me. I will admit, I don't have all the answers. And that's the end of my vent. Yes, some of you are fantastic and it's the system that sucks. Others, not so great at their job. But someone way up there that makes the rules for this sort of thing needs to figure out how to FIX it! And we 'regular people' need to start making more of a stand to help end child abuse.


mamaof3forlife
by Bronze Member on Mar. 2, 2017 at 5:41 PM
Hey, no need to alologize; actually, I could've written this myself. I, too, suffered moderate abuse as a child; it was not physical (I just got slapped twice for lying; one of those times in front on a couple of friends) but verbal abuse. My mom was physically there but not emotionally and I can count with one hand the times I saw her happy or smile. She was always sad. I now understant that, although she was never diagnosed, she must have suffered some type of depression (she had a miscarriage and I don't think she ever emotionally recovered from that). Just like you, I was also molested three times: one by a total stranger in a public bus and another time it was a relative. My mom never knew until I told her a few years ago. Thank God I was never raped but was very close to be at 15; it was a "friend" I used to like. I feel kind of bad saying that I suffered some type of abuse as a child because reading the stories some of these women have shared, I come to realize that what I went through, is nothing compared to what they went through. Some of these stories are really heart breaking.

Like I mentioned before, some of the stories of child abuse I've never heard before because I don't watch the news. I already suffer from a low level of depression and watching the news and seeing how F***** up this world is, only made it worse. So for my own mental and emotional sanity I decided to just stop watching the news. I stay away from the news as much as possible.

I remeber a few years ago, about 5 or six if not more, I read the story about baby Brianna in here. There was a post; I think it was called "hunting images" or something along those lines, that took a twisted turn when someone posted a picture of a litlle boy and shared the story about how he was severily abused by his mom and her boyfriend. Then other moms posted more of stories on child abuse and then someone shared the story of baby Brianna and posted a link to the story. I wished I had never clicked on that link; I could not believe what I was reading. My mind could not comprehend how a "mom" had allowed someone to abuse her baby; I can't remember if she abused the baby, as well. My goodness that night I bawled; I litterally felt my heart aching for the baby. I could not stop crying that nigh and her story still hunts me til this day. I still remember her little face. I have not been able to forget that little face.

I guess I just can't comprehend how someone can hurt a child let alone a baby; I mean how f***** up on the head you need to be to do such thing. And you know what bothers me the most? That sometimes the mom is the one abusing her child or letting her boyfriend abuse her child. I just can't understand that.

Another thing I've been wondering after reading the stories on this post about abuse happening in foster homes is, does cps even do a background check on prospect foster parents? Do they let just about anyone become a foster parent? I mean I couldn't believe how many women on here said how they were abused while in foster care. I mean what the he**? I'm sorry I know I am all over the place, but stories like these make my blood boil. I remember a few years ago I wanted to be a social worker; later I found out that was something I would not be able to do or handle. I don't feel strong enough to see a child suffer and not being able to do something about it; that would kill me. Or just knowing that a child is being abused and not being able to do take the child out of that home; again, I wouldn't be able to live with it. And in all honesty, I KNOW that I wouldn't be able to keep my composure in front if the abusive parent; it would take all of my to not kick their rear.

I really wish there were more resources to help stop child abuse :(




Quoting Anonymous 258:

That's pretty much what happened to me. It took me a minute to realize it was an old post, lol; but I had to share this story, and then I started reading all of the other quotes and it is absolutely horrifying how frequent stuff like this really happens. I accidentally got lost for a couple to a few months on YouTube in child abuse stories. It was probably something I should have not looked at. (It started off I clicked on a suggestion of like, '10 most evil children' and I figured it was something about like children talking to ghosts or something. I like spooky stories. But then I saw the story of James Bulgar on there, and became very caught up in that story; it is a mind-numbing, heart-wreching story.) I think because I watched a few clips on that, it started bringing up child abuse cases. I couldn't turn away and I have cried millions of tears. It did mess me up more than I already am.

I am a victim of moderate abuse as a child. I was never raped, but I was molested; I was never beat, but I was verbally assaulted often. So, I have not handled this realization well. Because I have my own emotional problems, I do not feel like I would be a strong enough person to advocate for these children on the big picture. I thought about being a CPS worker myself at one point; but would not be able to handle it when I couldn't remove a child that needed it. I've thought about being a foster parent; but one, I probably wouldn't be able to because of my mental problems (though I have never and would never hurt a child), and two, because I would die inside everytime they placed a child with me (because I'd know they'd been abused) and then I would do everything in my power to 'nurse them back to health", and then I would literally lose it if they would take a child back from me to give back to their abusers, a child that I nurtured and was (probably, knowing me) already felt love for. I'm not saying I'd want to steal babies from good homes because I'd fall in love with them; but it's pretty much a fact that (I don't know the percentage; but I'm sure it's a higher number) a big percentage of children get abused again.

I'm sorry for all of this; this is just a subject that I am really passionate about; and I really wish I was a stronger person to be able to help children more. There is actually fault in a lot of places. People see abuse and don't report it, people make up false claims and take up people's time, laws are not written correctly sometimes that should be changed to protect the children, punishment for child abuse should be much harsher than it is (the mother of baby Peter was sentenced to a "minimum of 5 years for allowing the death of her son" and only served 4 years when she was released. This was in the UK. But US isn't much better. Baby Briana Lopez's mother was sentenced to 27 years in prison for allowing the brutal death of her 5 1/2 month old; and served 13 years. THIRTEEN YEARS! Minimum 5 year sentence in UK?!!!) There are laws that NEED TO CHANGE.

But if the only way I can help if to call CPS if I see a threat to children (although, then you're stuck between a rock and a hard place because there really SHOULD be monitoring of foster homes and adoption homes. Maybe adoption homes you leave them alone after a while unless there is a report - but it's sick and twisted someone needs to be scared of calling on a mother that sometimes neglects, sometimes emotionally scars her children, because foster care really could be worse.

And the only other way I can figure to maybe give someone who has power, or is in a position to start rallying to change these things, a kick in the butt when they read what I've wrote. Someone who will read what I wrote and say, "hey, I'm gonna get all my friends together and we're going to petition the government to start fixing these cracks." There are people out there all the time saying, 'let's make changes to stuff', animal rights and LGBT rights and food drives and oh my goodness so many things. We shouldn't NEED to rally the government to do things better to protect innocent, defenseless, teeny, tiny, terrified children.... But I guess they're not going to do it on their own. Please somebody out there start making a stand.

Quoting mamaof3forlife: I absolutely agree with a 100%. Child abuse happens way too often im my opinion; something's got to change. I just came across this very old post and was suprised by the number of comments of women that were abused as a child. It seriously made my heart ache for them. Also, the stories shared here on here about child abuse made me sick to my stomach. The story you shared on baby Peter, I have never heard of it (I stay away from the news as much as I can) and I couldn't bring myself to google it. I know it would have emotionally messed me up more than I already am. This whole story is f*** up in so many levels. Extremely sad.

Quoting Anonymous 258: It is absolutely sickening. The only thing more sickening than a child being abused, is a child that could have been saved from it and wasn't. To be clear, though, the tooth in the stomach came from his fatal blow; and the blood soaked crib and clothing were only found after his death. The broken back, I do not know if CPS saw that; but I think it was only 2 days prior to his death that he was taken to the doctor WITH the broken back, but the doctor did not perform a full check up because "the child was crabby". Uh, no duh. His death not only falls on his mother who allowed her boyfriend to beat her baby, on the cps worker(s) who saw nothing wrong with this child, on the supervisor(s) who did not listen to the recommendation of workers who DID say he should be removed, and the judge who determined he could be returned to his home - it also falls on the doctor at this last visit. Okay, maybe it was hard to do a check up on him, so maybe evidence of a broken back was not immediately noticeable. But how in the world was this woman able to take her child home with bite marks around his lips and missing nails from his finger (toes may have been covered by socks and shoes)?!!! If I would have been a doctor and seen those things, it would have made me deal with the child's crabbiness even MORE to make SURE there were no broken bones or other major signs of abuse!!! It was also said that the last CPS worker to visit him did not notice the bite marks around his lips, because the child's face was smeared with chocolate. It was discussed after his death that his mother did this intentionally to hide the bite marks. I've never been involved with CPS, so I could be wrong about this, but I think most check-ups take half an hour to an hour. If *I* were a CPS case-worker, and a mother left her child smeared with chocolate for that amount of time, it would RAISE RED FLAGS, not make me think all was well. And I would like to think I either would have cleaned his face myself, or asked the mother to do so, or make a surprise visit back the next day. Instead, it got ignored. So, sad sad for this little boy. And the absolute most sickest part of all is, children are abused horrifically every single day. CPS is the system we have in place to stop it; but it is not working. It is WAY too common of an occurrence. I wish I was a person who could make changes. Since I am not, it is WAY past time for somebody who CAN to do something about it. I've heard of so many more stories than just this poor little boy's. Sometimes CPS is involved, sometimes they never even got a call that a child was potentially in danger. We need to fight child abuse better than this.

Quoting mamaof3forlife: This story on baby Peter seriously made me sick to my stomach!!! Like why the hell did they not remove him permanently? He was obviously being abused. Like what the f***? Like how the f*** can a case worker go to sleep at night KNOWING that poor baby was being extremely abused? Like what the hell goes on in the mind of these animals that abuse kids let alone babies? I cannot begin to imagine the pain that poor baby went through 😭😭😭

Quoting Anonymous 258: I do believe there are a lot of good workers in CPS.

I also believe there are the bad workers who either just want a check and really don't care; or just want the title and power. There are MANY times the CPS worker 'didn't see anything wrong' and a regular person, untrained in any of this is like, how in the h*ll did you NOT see that?!

I also believe that your hands are tied WAY more often than they should be. I'll never forget the story of Baby Peter Connelly. He was visited by more than one worker, by more than one CPS service; and had (I don't know how to say this but) suggestions to be removed from his home. By the time he died he had a broken back, dog bite marks around his lips, dog bite marks on the top of his head, was missing a couple fingernails and at least one toenail, his ear was coming off the side of his head, he had a tooth in his stomach from being punched so hard in the face, and his crib any many articles of clothing were found completely covered in blood. But according to the supervisors, he couldn't be removed. That's just a big, fat, WHAT?! That's your job, that's what your trained and paid to do! So why in the world would guidelines say that OBVIOUS SIGNS OF ABUSE are not enough??!!! But, apparently they do, or else that little boy might still be alive. They even removed him once, and had to send him back. It's ridiculous that we tell you this is your job, and then don't let you do it. Of course, there was at least one case worker in that story that 'thought everything was fine'. Parents rights should NEVER top children's rights. Ever. The children are our future. I know that's a line; but it's TRUE.

One of the biggest problems you guys face is caseloads. I actually have a suggestion on how to make this better; but I'm sure I'd get called stupid for suggesting it. But, my thinking is, maybe have more than one level of worker. The 'lower level' worker wouldn't need much training at all (of course, they would be paid a lower wage then, too) but they would almost be like 'peer support'. They just go hang out with the family for a few hours and offer support (like ideas on how to handle situations) and kind of monitor things, a few hours a day for a few days per week for maybe a couple to a few weeks. If they find nothing 'off' about the family, case closed. This would solve the problem of workers being taken up by bogus claims. If there is ANY indication something just isn't quite right, then they switch off to 'higher level' workers. Maybe it would even be possible, if we are saving the resources from bogus claims, that two workers could be assigned per family. That way you don't end up with the person who sees nothing, or the person on the power trip. It's possible we'd need more funding to be able to do two workers per case, but then that leads to the question, WHY THE F*CK ISN'T THERE MORE FUNDING TO HELP STOP CHILD ABUSE??!!! This sh*t REALLY p*sses me off!!! There are people rich beyond f*n belief, and we can't make child abuse a bigger priority?!!! It is such a big problem, on a global level, children are getting terrorised and sometimes beat to death!! Yet we all say, 'so sad' and look away!

Anyway, back to my idea (sorry, I just cannot believe this it is still possible in this day and age that this is still such a frequent thing.) So then, if you've had one 'lower level' and possibly two 'higher level' caseworkers say that the child should be removed, maybe more people would listen that the child should be removed. And I understand in some cases, the parents just need help or to get themselves back 'in line'; but serious abuse allegations, if the child has marks or is constantly screamed at, sworn at, etc; I don't honestly believe we should be returning as many children as we do to their parents. People don't really 'change' too much. Like I said, yes there are many circumstances where a parent can get back on the right track; but that one's hard to figure out. I mean, how many chances does a parent get? Idk how many times. I'm hoping the rule is, if you do things wrong after getting them back, that's it, you're done. But someone with knowledge of child psychology could help figure this part out better than me. I will admit, I don't have all the answers.

And that's the end of my vent. Yes, some of you are fantastic and it's the system that sucks. Others, not so great at their job. But someone way up there that makes the rules for this sort of thing needs to figure out how to FIX it! And we 'regular people' need to start making more of a stand to help end child abuse.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 258 on Mar. 2, 2017 at 7:22 PM

That was almost like I wrote it myself, that is pretty much my life and how I feel about everything. It's so like me it's weird, lol. Like I've found emotional / mental doppelganger. Lol! It has been really good chatting with ya. :)

I am sorry for the things you went through. I feel the same as you when you said how the "mild" abuse we suffered; and then we think of what some have been through. All abuse is detrimental, and we all are individuals who handle pain differently; but oh my goodness sometimes the pain of others hurts me worse than my own pain when I think about the absolute horror and terror some children have felt. I honestly believe in either a) allowing the death penalty for these serious child abusers; or b) for anyone who is fully against the death penalty for morality reasons, I believe these serious abusers should at the very least be charged with terrorism and spend the absolute rest of their life in prison. No parole ever. Hopefully someday things will change. If you know anyone who is good at putting their voice out there; maybe suggest they contact their local congress. This should be something that our country leaders should be addressing themselves. (That was not a bash on Trump, that was a bash on ALL country leaders who are not getting laws and programs changed. And not just our country.)

Thank you, again, so much for this convo. :) And (ugh I cannot figure out how to say this so that it does not sound corny as hell, lmbo!) but I hope you don't ever have to suffer through any more pain in life, no matter how small it may seem. (Yep, that sounds corny af! I'm sorry, lol. You just remind me so much of me.) Have a good one :)

Quoting mamaof3forlife: Hey, no need to alologize; actually, I could've written this myself. I, too, suffered moderate abuse as a child; it was not physical (I just got slapped twice for lying; one of those times in front on a couple of friends) but verbal abuse. My mom was physically there but not emotionally and I can count with one hand the times I saw her happy or smile. She was always sad. I now understant that, although she was never diagnosed, she must have suffered some type of depression (she had a miscarriage and I don't think she ever emotionally recovered from that). Just like you, I was also molested three times: one by a total stranger in a public bus and another time it was a relative. My mom never knew until I told her a few years ago. Thank God I was never raped but was very close to be at 15; it was a "friend" I used to like. I feel kind of bad saying that I suffered some type of abuse as a child because reading the stories some of these women have shared, I come to realize that what I went through, is nothing compared to what they went through. Some of these stories are really heart breaking. Like I mentioned before, some of the stories of child abuse I've never heard before because I don't watch the news. I already suffer from a low level of depression and watching the news and seeing how F***** up this world is, only made it worse. So for my own mental and emotional sanity I decided to just stop watching the news. I stay away from the news as much as possible. I remeber a few years ago, about 5 or six if not more, I read the story about baby Brianna in here. There was a post; I think it was called "hunting images" or something along those lines, that took a twisted turn when someone posted a picture of a litlle boy and shared the story about how he was severily abused by his mom and her boyfriend. Then other moms posted more of stories on child abuse and then someone shared the story of baby Brianna and posted a link to the story. I wished I had never clicked on that link; I could not believe what I was reading. My mind could not comprehend how a "mom" had allowed someone to abuse her baby; I can't remember if she abused the baby, as well. My goodness that night I bawled; I litterally felt my heart aching for the baby. I could not stop crying that nigh and her story still hunts me til this day. I still remember her little face. I have not been able to forget that little face. I guess I just can't comprehend how someone can hurt a child let alone a baby; I mean how f***** up on the head you need to be to do such thing. And you know what bothers me the most? That sometimes the mom is the one abusing her child or letting her boyfriend abuse her child. I just can't understand that. Another thing I've been wondering after reading the stories on this post about abuse happening in foster homes is, does cps even do a background check on prospect foster parents? Do they let just about anyone become a foster parent? I mean I couldn't believe how many women on here said how they were abused while in foster care. I mean what the he**? I'm sorry I know I am all over the place, but stories like these make my blood boil. I remember a few years ago I wanted to be a social worker; later I found out that was something I would not be able to do or handle. I don't feel strong enough to see a child suffer and not being able to do something about it; that would kill me. Or just knowing that a child is being abused and not being able to do take the child out of that home; again, I wouldn't be able to live with it. And in all honesty, I KNOW that I wouldn't be able to keep my composure in front if the abusive parent; it would take all of my to not kick their rear. I really wish there were more resources to help stop child abuse :(
Quoting Anonymous 258:

That's pretty much what happened to me. It took me a minute to realize it was an old post, lol; but I had to share this story, and then I started reading all of the other quotes and it is absolutely horrifying how frequent stuff like this really happens. I accidentally got lost for a couple to a few months on YouTube in child abuse stories. It was probably something I should have not looked at. (It started off I clicked on a suggestion of like, '10 most evil children' and I figured it was something about like children talking to ghosts or something. I like spooky stories. But then I saw the story of James Bulgar on there, and became very caught up in that story; it is a mind-numbing, heart-wreching story.) I think because I watched a few clips on that, it started bringing up child abuse cases. I couldn't turn away and I have cried millions of tears. It did mess me up more than I already am.

I am a victim of moderate abuse as a child. I was never raped, but I was molested; I was never beat, but I was verbally assaulted often. So, I have not handled this realization well. Because I have my own emotional problems, I do not feel like I would be a strong enough person to advocate for these children on the big picture. I thought about being a CPS worker myself at one point; but would not be able to handle it when I couldn't remove a child that needed it. I've thought about being a foster parent; but one, I probably wouldn't be able to because of my mental problems (though I have never and would never hurt a child), and two, because I would die inside everytime they placed a child with me (because I'd know they'd been abused) and then I would do everything in my power to 'nurse them back to health", and then I would literally lose it if they would take a child back from me to give back to their abusers, a child that I nurtured and was (probably, knowing me) already felt love for. I'm not saying I'd want to steal babies from good homes because I'd fall in love with them; but it's pretty much a fact that (I don't know the percentage; but I'm sure it's a higher number) a big percentage of children get abused again.

I'm sorry for all of this; this is just a subject that I am really passionate about; and I really wish I was a stronger person to be able to help children more. There is actually fault in a lot of places. People see abuse and don't report it, people make up false claims and take up people's time, laws are not written correctly sometimes that should be changed to protect the children, punishment for child abuse should be much harsher than it is (the mother of baby Peter was sentenced to a "minimum of 5 years for allowing the death of her son" and only served 4 years when she was released. This was in the UK. But US isn't much better. Baby Briana Lopez's mother was sentenced to 27 years in prison for allowing the brutal death of her 5 1/2 month old; and served 13 years. THIRTEEN YEARS! Minimum 5 year sentence in UK?!!!) There are laws that NEED TO CHANGE.

But if the only way I can help if to call CPS if I see a threat to children (although, then you're stuck between a rock and a hard place because there really SHOULD be monitoring of foster homes and adoption homes. Maybe adoption homes you leave them alone after a while unless there is a report - but it's sick and twisted someone needs to be scared of calling on a mother that sometimes neglects, sometimes emotionally scars her children, because foster care really could be worse.

And the only other way I can figure to maybe give someone who has power, or is in a position to start rallying to change these things, a kick in the butt when they read what I've wrote. Someone who will read what I wrote and say, "hey, I'm gonna get all my friends together and we're going to petition the government to start fixing these cracks." There are people out there all the time saying, 'let's make changes to stuff', animal rights and LGBT rights and food drives and oh my goodness so many things. We shouldn't NEED to rally the government to do things better to protect innocent, defenseless, teeny, tiny, terrified children.... But I guess they're not going to do it on their own. Please somebody out there start making a stand.

Quoting mamaof3forlife: I absolutely agree with a 100%. Child abuse happens way too often im my opinion; something's got to change. I just came across this very old post and was suprised by the number of comments of women that were abused as a child. It seriously made my heart ache for them. Also, the stories shared here on here about child abuse made me sick to my stomach. The story you shared on baby Peter, I have never heard of it (I stay away from the news as much as I can) and I couldn't bring myself to google it. I know it would have emotionally messed me up more than I already am. This whole story is f*** up in so many levels. Extremely sad.
Quoting Anonymous 258: It is absolutely sickening. The only thing more sickening than a child being abused, is a child that could have been saved from it and wasn't. To be clear, though, the tooth in the stomach came from his fatal blow; and the blood soaked crib and clothing were only found after his death. The broken back, I do not know if CPS saw that; but I think it was only 2 days prior to his death that he was taken to the doctor WITH the broken back, but the doctor did not perform a full check up because "the child was crabby". Uh, no duh. His death not only falls on his mother who allowed her boyfriend to beat her baby, on the cps worker(s) who saw nothing wrong with this child, on the supervisor(s) who did not listen to the recommendation of workers who DID say he should be removed, and the judge who determined he could be returned to his home - it also falls on the doctor at this last visit. Okay, maybe it was hard to do a check up on him, so maybe evidence of a broken back was not immediately noticeable. But how in the world was this woman able to take her child home with bite marks around his lips and missing nails from his finger (toes may have been covered by socks and shoes)?!!! If I would have been a doctor and seen those things, it would have made me deal with the child's crabbiness even MORE to make SURE there were no broken bones or other major signs of abuse!!! It was also said that the last CPS worker to visit him did not notice the bite marks around his lips, because the child's face was smeared with chocolate. It was discussed after his death that his mother did this intentionally to hide the bite marks. I've never been involved with CPS, so I could be wrong about this, but I think most check-ups take half an hour to an hour. If *I* were a CPS case-worker, and a mother left her child smeared with chocolate for that amount of time, it would RAISE RED FLAGS, not make me think all was well. And I would like to think I either would have cleaned his face myself, or asked the mother to do so, or make a surprise visit back the next day. Instead, it got ignored. So, sad sad for this little boy. And the absolute most sickest part of all is, children are abused horrifically every single day. CPS is the system we have in place to stop it; but it is not working. It is WAY too common of an occurrence. I wish I was a person who could make changes. Since I am not, it is WAY past time for somebody who CAN to do something about it. I've heard of so many more stories than just this poor little boy's. Sometimes CPS is involved, sometimes they never even got a call that a child was potentially in danger. We need to fight child abuse better than this.
Quoting mamaof3forlife: This story on baby Peter seriously made me sick to my stomach!!! Like why the hell did they not remove him permanently? He was obviously being abused. Like what the f***? Like how the f*** can a case worker go to sleep at night KNOWING that poor baby was being extremely abused? Like what the hell goes on in the mind of these animals that abuse kids let alone babies? I cannot begin to imagine the pain that poor baby went through 😭😭😭
Quoting Anonymous 258: I do believe there are a lot of good workers in CPS. I also believe there are the bad workers who either just want a check and really don't care; or just want the title and power. There are MANY times the CPS worker 'didn't see anything wrong' and a regular person, untrained in any of this is like, how in the h*ll did you NOT see that?! I also believe that your hands are tied WAY more often than they should be. I'll never forget the story of Baby Peter Connelly. He was visited by more than one worker, by more than one CPS service; and had (I don't know how to say this but) suggestions to be removed from his home. By the time he died he had a broken back, dog bite marks around his lips, dog bite marks on the top of his head, was missing a couple fingernails and at least one toenail, his ear was coming off the side of his head, he had a tooth in his stomach from being punched so hard in the face, and his crib any many articles of clothing were found completely covered in blood. But according to the supervisors, he couldn't be removed. That's just a big, fat, WHAT?! That's your job, that's what your trained and paid to do! So why in the world would guidelines say that OBVIOUS SIGNS OF ABUSE are not enough??!!! But, apparently they do, or else that little boy might still be alive. They even removed him once, and had to send him back. It's ridiculous that we tell you this is your job, and then don't let you do it. Of course, there was at least one case worker in that story that 'thought everything was fine'. Parents rights should NEVER top children's rights. Ever. The children are our future. I know that's a line; but it's TRUE. One of the biggest problems you guys face is caseloads. I actually have a suggestion on how to make this better; but I'm sure I'd get called stupid for suggesting it. But, my thinking is, maybe have more than one level of worker. The 'lower level' worker wouldn't need much training at all (of course, they would be paid a lower wage then, too) but they would almost be like 'peer support'. They just go hang out with the family for a few hours and offer support (like ideas on how to handle situations) and kind of monitor things, a few hours a day for a few days per week for maybe a couple to a few weeks. If they find nothing 'off' about the family, case closed. This would solve the problem of workers being taken up by bogus claims. If there is ANY indication something just isn't quite right, then they switch off to 'higher level' workers. Maybe it would even be possible, if we are saving the resources from bogus claims, that two workers could be assigned per family. That way you don't end up with the person who sees nothing, or the person on the power trip. It's possible we'd need more funding to be able to do two workers per case, but then that leads to the question, WHY THE F*CK ISN'T THERE MORE FUNDING TO HELP STOP CHILD ABUSE??!!! This sh*t REALLY p*sses me off!!! There are people rich beyond f*n belief, and we can't make child abuse a bigger priority?!!! It is such a big problem, on a global level, children are getting terrorised and sometimes beat to death!! Yet we all say, 'so sad' and look away! Anyway, back to my idea (sorry, I just cannot believe this it is still possible in this day and age that this is still such a frequent thing.) So then, if you've had one 'lower level' and possibly two 'higher level' caseworkers say that the child should be removed, maybe more people would listen that the child should be removed. And I understand in some cases, the parents just need help or to get themselves back 'in line'; but serious abuse allegations, if the child has marks or is constantly screamed at, sworn at, etc; I don't honestly believe we should be returning as many children as we do to their parents. People don't really 'change' too much. Like I said, yes there are many circumstances where a parent can get back on the right track; but that one's hard to figure out. I mean, how many chances does a parent get? Idk how many times. I'm hoping the rule is, if you do things wrong after getting them back, that's it, you're done. But someone with knowledge of child psychology could help figure this part out better than me. I will admit, I don't have all the answers. And that's the end of my vent. Yes, some of you are fantastic and it's the system that sucks. Others, not so great at their job. But someone way up there that makes the rules for this sort of thing needs to figure out how to FIX it! And we 'regular people' need to start making more of a stand to help end child abuse.



mamaof3forlife
by Bronze Member on Mar. 2, 2017 at 9:33 PM
Aw anon 258, thanks so much for your kind words. I, too, am sorry for whatever you went through and wish you nothing but the best in life. It's so weird you find someone can relate to so much but it's awesome at the same time. It's been awesome chatting with you :)

Quoting Anonymous 258:

That was almost like I wrote it myself, that is pretty much my life and how I feel about everything. It's so like me it's weird, lol. Like I've found emotional / mental doppelganger. Lol! It has been really good chatting with ya. :)

I am sorry for the things you went through. I feel the same as you when you said how the "mild" abuse we suffered; and then we think of what some have been through. All abuse is detrimental, and we all are individuals who handle pain differently; but oh my goodness sometimes the pain of others hurts me worse than my own pain when I think about the absolute horror and terror some children have felt. I honestly believe in either a) allowing the death penalty for these serious child abusers; or b) for anyone who is fully against the death penalty for morality reasons, I believe these serious abusers should at the very least be charged with terrorism and spend the absolute rest of their life in prison. No parole ever. Hopefully someday things will change. If you know anyone who is good at putting their voice out there; maybe suggest they contact their local congress. This should be something that our country leaders should be addressing themselves. (That was not a bash on Trump, that was a bash on ALL country leaders who are not getting laws and programs changed. And not just our country.)

Thank you, again, so much for this convo. :) And (ugh I cannot figure out how to say this so that it does not sound corny as hell, lmbo!) but I hope you don't ever have to suffer through any more pain in life, no matter how small it may seem. (Yep, that sounds corny af! I'm sorry, lol. You just remind me so much of me.) Have a good one :)

Quoting mamaof3forlife: Hey, no need to alologize; actually, I could've written this myself. I, too, suffered moderate abuse as a child; it was not physical (I just got slapped twice for lying; one of those times in front on a couple of friends) but verbal abuse. My mom was physically there but not emotionally and I can count with one hand the times I saw her happy or smile. She was always sad. I now understant that, although she was never diagnosed, she must have suffered some type of depression (she had a miscarriage and I don't think she ever emotionally recovered from that). Just like you, I was also molested three times: one by a total stranger in a public bus and another time it was a relative. My mom never knew until I told her a few years ago. Thank God I was never raped but was very close to be at 15; it was a "friend" I used to like. I feel kind of bad saying that I suffered some type of abuse as a child because reading the stories some of these women have shared, I come to realize that what I went through, is nothing compared to what they went through. Some of these stories are really heart breaking.

Like I mentioned before, some of the stories of child abuse I've never heard before because I don't watch the news. I already suffer from a low level of depression and watching the news and seeing how F***** up this world is, only made it worse. So for my own mental and emotional sanity I decided to just stop watching the news. I stay away from the news as much as possible.

I remeber a few years ago, about 5 or six if not more, I read the story about baby Brianna in here. There was a post; I think it was called "hunting images" or something along those lines, that took a twisted turn when someone posted a picture of a litlle boy and shared the story about how he was severily abused by his mom and her boyfriend. Then other moms posted more of stories on child abuse and then someone shared the story of baby Brianna and posted a link to the story. I wished I had never clicked on that link; I could not believe what I was reading. My mind could not comprehend how a "mom" had allowed someone to abuse her baby; I can't remember if she abused the baby, as well. My goodness that night I bawled; I litterally felt my heart aching for the baby. I could not stop crying that nigh and her story still hunts me til this day. I still remember her little face. I have not been able to forget that little face.

I guess I just can't comprehend how someone can hurt a child let alone a baby; I mean how f***** up on the head you need to be to do such thing. And you know what bothers me the most? That sometimes the mom is the one abusing her child or letting her boyfriend abuse her child. I just can't understand that.

Another thing I've been wondering after reading the stories on this post about abuse happening in foster homes is, does cps even do a background check on prospect foster parents? Do they let just about anyone become a foster parent? I mean I couldn't believe how many women on here said how they were abused while in foster care. I mean what the he**? I'm sorry I know I am all over the place, but stories like these make my blood boil. I remember a few years ago I wanted to be a social worker; later I found out that was something I would not be able to do or handle. I don't feel strong enough to see a child suffer and not being able to do something about it; that would kill me. Or just knowing that a child is being abused and not being able to do take the child out of that home; again, I wouldn't be able to live with it. And in all honesty, I KNOW that I wouldn't be able to keep my composure in front if the abusive parent; it would take all of my to not kick their rear.

I really wish there were more resources to help stop child abuse :(




Quoting Anonymous 258:

That's pretty much what happened to me. It took me a minute to realize it was an old post, lol; but I had to share this story, and then I started reading all of the other quotes and it is absolutely horrifying how frequent stuff like this really happens. I accidentally got lost for a couple to a few months on YouTube in child abuse stories. It was probably something I should have not looked at. (It started off I clicked on a suggestion of like, '10 most evil children' and I figured it was something about like children talking to ghosts or something. I like spooky stories. But then I saw the story of James Bulgar on there, and became very caught up in that story; it is a mind-numbing, heart-wreching story.) I think because I watched a few clips on that, it started bringing up child abuse cases. I couldn't turn away and I have cried millions of tears. It did mess me up more than I already am.

I am a victim of moderate abuse as a child. I was never raped, but I was molested; I was never beat, but I was verbally assaulted often. So, I have not handled this realization well. Because I have my own emotional problems, I do not feel like I would be a strong enough person to advocate for these children on the big picture. I thought about being a CPS worker myself at one point; but would not be able to handle it when I couldn't remove a child that needed it. I've thought about being a foster parent; but one, I probably wouldn't be able to because of my mental problems (though I have never and would never hurt a child), and two, because I would die inside everytime they placed a child with me (because I'd know they'd been abused) and then I would do everything in my power to 'nurse them back to health", and then I would literally lose it if they would take a child back from me to give back to their abusers, a child that I nurtured and was (probably, knowing me) already felt love for. I'm not saying I'd want to steal babies from good homes because I'd fall in love with them; but it's pretty much a fact that (I don't know the percentage; but I'm sure it's a higher number) a big percentage of children get abused again.

I'm sorry for all of this; this is just a subject that I am really passionate about; and I really wish I was a stronger person to be able to help children more. There is actually fault in a lot of places. People see abuse and don't report it, people make up false claims and take up people's time, laws are not written correctly sometimes that should be changed to protect the children, punishment for child abuse should be much harsher than it is (the mother of baby Peter was sentenced to a "minimum of 5 years for allowing the death of her son" and only served 4 years when she was released. This was in the UK. But US isn't much better. Baby Briana Lopez's mother was sentenced to 27 years in prison for allowing the brutal death of her 5 1/2 month old; and served 13 years. THIRTEEN YEARS! Minimum 5 year sentence in UK?!!!) There are laws that NEED TO CHANGE.

But if the only way I can help if to call CPS if I see a threat to children (although, then you're stuck between a rock and a hard place because there really SHOULD be monitoring of foster homes and adoption homes. Maybe adoption homes you leave them alone after a while unless there is a report - but it's sick and twisted someone needs to be scared of calling on a mother that sometimes neglects, sometimes emotionally scars her children, because foster care really could be worse.

And the only other way I can figure to maybe give someone who has power, or is in a position to start rallying to change these things, a kick in the butt when they read what I've wrote. Someone who will read what I wrote and say, "hey, I'm gonna get all my friends together and we're going to petition the government to start fixing these cracks." There are people out there all the time saying, 'let's make changes to stuff', animal rights and LGBT rights and food drives and oh my goodness so many things. We shouldn't NEED to rally the government to do things better to protect innocent, defenseless, teeny, tiny, terrified children.... But I guess they're not going to do it on their own. Please somebody out there start making a stand.

Quoting mamaof3forlife: I absolutely agree with a 100%. Child abuse happens way too often im my opinion; something's got to change. I just came across this very old post and was suprised by the number of comments of women that were abused as a child. It seriously made my heart ache for them. Also, the stories shared here on here about child abuse made me sick to my stomach. The story you shared on baby Peter, I have never heard of it (I stay away from the news as much as I can) and I couldn't bring myself to google it. I know it would have emotionally messed me up more than I already am. This whole story is f*** up in so many levels. Extremely sad.

Quoting Anonymous 258: It is absolutely sickening. The only thing more sickening than a child being abused, is a child that could have been saved from it and wasn't. To be clear, though, the tooth in the stomach came from his fatal blow; and the blood soaked crib and clothing were only found after his death. The broken back, I do not know if CPS saw that; but I think it was only 2 days prior to his death that he was taken to the doctor WITH the broken back, but the doctor did not perform a full check up because "the child was crabby". Uh, no duh. His death not only falls on his mother who allowed her boyfriend to beat her baby, on the cps worker(s) who saw nothing wrong with this child, on the supervisor(s) who did not listen to the recommendation of workers who DID say he should be removed, and the judge who determined he could be returned to his home - it also falls on the doctor at this last visit. Okay, maybe it was hard to do a check up on him, so maybe evidence of a broken back was not immediately noticeable. But how in the world was this woman able to take her child home with bite marks around his lips and missing nails from his finger (toes may have been covered by socks and shoes)?!!! If I would have been a doctor and seen those things, it would have made me deal with the child's crabbiness even MORE to make SURE there were no broken bones or other major signs of abuse!!! It was also said that the last CPS worker to visit him did not notice the bite marks around his lips, because the child's face was smeared with chocolate. It was discussed after his death that his mother did this intentionally to hide the bite marks. I've never been involved with CPS, so I could be wrong about this, but I think most check-ups take half an hour to an hour. If *I* were a CPS case-worker, and a mother left her child smeared with chocolate for that amount of time, it would RAISE RED FLAGS, not make me think all was well. And I would like to think I either would have cleaned his face myself, or asked the mother to do so, or make a surprise visit back the next day. Instead, it got ignored. So, sad sad for this little boy. And the absolute most sickest part of all is, children are abused horrifically every single day. CPS is the system we have in place to stop it; but it is not working. It is WAY too common of an occurrence. I wish I was a person who could make changes. Since I am not, it is WAY past time for somebody who CAN to do something about it. I've heard of so many more stories than just this poor little boy's. Sometimes CPS is involved, sometimes they never even got a call that a child was potentially in danger. We need to fight child abuse better than this.

Quoting mamaof3forlife: This story on baby Peter seriously made me sick to my stomach!!! Like why the hell did they not remove him permanently? He was obviously being abused. Like what the f***? Like how the f*** can a case worker go to sleep at night KNOWING that poor baby was being extremely abused? Like what the hell goes on in the mind of these animals that abuse kids let alone babies? I cannot begin to imagine the pain that poor baby went through 😭😭😭

Quoting Anonymous 258: I do believe there are a lot of good workers in CPS.

I also believe there are the bad workers who either just want a check and really don't care; or just want the title and power. There are MANY times the CPS worker 'didn't see anything wrong' and a regular person, untrained in any of this is like, how in the h*ll did you NOT see that?!

I also believe that your hands are tied WAY more often than they should be. I'll never forget the story of Baby Peter Connelly. He was visited by more than one worker, by more than one CPS service; and had (I don't know how to say this but) suggestions to be removed from his home. By the time he died he had a broken back, dog bite marks around his lips, dog bite marks on the top of his head, was missing a couple fingernails and at least one toenail, his ear was coming off the side of his head, he had a tooth in his stomach from being punched so hard in the face, and his crib any many articles of clothing were found completely covered in blood. But according to the supervisors, he couldn't be removed. That's just a big, fat, WHAT?! That's your job, that's what your trained and paid to do! So why in the world would guidelines say that OBVIOUS SIGNS OF ABUSE are not enough??!!! But, apparently they do, or else that little boy might still be alive. They even removed him once, and had to send him back. It's ridiculous that we tell you this is your job, and then don't let you do it. Of course, there was at least one case worker in that story that 'thought everything was fine'. Parents rights should NEVER top children's rights. Ever. The children are our future. I know that's a line; but it's TRUE.

One of the biggest problems you guys face is caseloads. I actually have a suggestion on how to make this better; but I'm sure I'd get called stupid for suggesting it. But, my thinking is, maybe have more than one level of worker. The 'lower level' worker wouldn't need much training at all (of course, they would be paid a lower wage then, too) but they would almost be like 'peer support'. They just go hang out with the family for a few hours and offer support (like ideas on how to handle situations) and kind of monitor things, a few hours a day for a few days per week for maybe a couple to a few weeks. If they find nothing 'off' about the family, case closed. This would solve the problem of workers being taken up by bogus claims. If there is ANY indication something just isn't quite right, then they switch off to 'higher level' workers. Maybe it would even be possible, if we are saving the resources from bogus claims, that two workers could be assigned per family. That way you don't end up with the person who sees nothing, or the person on the power trip. It's possible we'd need more funding to be able to do two workers per case, but then that leads to the question, WHY THE F*CK ISN'T THERE MORE FUNDING TO HELP STOP CHILD ABUSE??!!! This sh*t REALLY p*sses me off!!! There are people rich beyond f*n belief, and we can't make child abuse a bigger priority?!!! It is such a big problem, on a global level, children are getting terrorised and sometimes beat to death!! Yet we all say, 'so sad' and look away!

Anyway, back to my idea (sorry, I just cannot believe this it is still possible in this day and age that this is still such a frequent thing.) So then, if you've had one 'lower level' and possibly two 'higher level' caseworkers say that the child should be removed, maybe more people would listen that the child should be removed. And I understand in some cases, the parents just need help or to get themselves back 'in line'; but serious abuse allegations, if the child has marks or is constantly screamed at, sworn at, etc; I don't honestly believe we should be returning as many children as we do to their parents. People don't really 'change' too much. Like I said, yes there are many circumstances where a parent can get back on the right track; but that one's hard to figure out. I mean, how many chances does a parent get? Idk how many times. I'm hoping the rule is, if you do things wrong after getting them back, that's it, you're done. But someone with knowledge of child psychology could help figure this part out better than me. I will admit, I don't have all the answers.

And that's the end of my vent. Yes, some of you are fantastic and it's the system that sucks. Others, not so great at their job. But someone way up there that makes the rules for this sort of thing needs to figure out how to FIX it! And we 'regular people' need to start making more of a stand to help end child abuse.

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