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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

No anon for this. I need support. Cheating husband.*4/03 UPDATE*

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4/3/2013 9:15pm - STBX & I just talked. He came home at noon-ish from his hotel. He went to lunch with the neighbor, took our son to the movies while I went to church, then we talked. He told me the truth. The hotel was for the Ohio woman. He claims he got it for her and her friend who were coming into town. He claims she never actually slept there but he did spend the days with her. He claims she stayed at her friends home who lived locally. He claims nothing physical went on. He also made it very clear that he was in fact no longer in love with me. So, I guess I know the truth & where we stand.


4/2.2013 - not too much to update. i had my STD tests and saw a therapist yesterday. my husband is all over the place with his words. one text is asking if i am hell bent on divorce and the next is asking me to send him the custody papers. as of last night my STBX went to his hotel room. I honestly thought it would be the neighbor he was meeting there but her car was in the driveway. I went down there & confronted both her & her husband. They both claim that there is nothing going on - that they are all just friends. So I am super confused about that situation but somewhat believe them. The real issue is that they know he was meeting somebody from out of town at the hotel this week but they don't know who. and, no, i don't want to drive to the hotel - I don't know exactly why but I just don't. so pretty much last night i just spoke with the neighbors about what is happening to my marriage and why I assumed something weird was going on with them. i don't know if i'm still being a fool by believing them or what but i do know that they also said they noticed something is not right about my husband lately & gave him a referral to a psychiatrist who he is seeing Wednesday. What a weird painful mess.

3/31.2013 - so i guess i've been keeping a lot of what is happening up to date within replies but I guess i'll add what i woke up to this morning.

1. $8 left in our joint account

2. He removed me from our cell account as an authorized user

3. 3 texts from him after I went to bed saying we are better than this, why are we acting this way.  anyway, the 3rd text said "I am seeing a therapist Monday. I think there is something wrong with me". SMARTEST THING THIS ASSHOLE HAS SAID YET!

4. at 11:15pm after I was fast asleep he left a voicemail simply saying "I'm sorry". He sounded bad, like he'd exhausted himself crying. but that was all he said then he hung up.

I do not plan to talk to him in any way today. I have to return to the house tonight and am thrilled to see my son but not so thrilled to have to see him.

-----------------------------------------------------

3/30.2013 - he's not sorry. he's not planning to change. he won;t admit anything. i found out he lied about having a conference next week - about a month ago he was excited to tell me that he was selected to go to a work conference. it was all a lie. he's been planning the week away for a month. I left last night. i let him keep our 8 yr old because he said he wanted to spend time with him. what a fucking mistake that was.

Today my neighbor said she saw him get out of the slut's minivan at 10am today. where the hell was my son? i called his cell phone and he wouldn't answer. i texted that i wanted to talk to my son. he said that he was in the water & would call me later. that was hours ago & I haven't heard from him.

biggest thing. the slut "accidentally" texted me a photo of her with my husband snuggled up at Six Flags. The caption said "hey girl. went to 6 flags last week and had a blast. can't wait to see you next week when  you get into town". So, the dumb bitch is simply evil and so is my husband. i know my husband is with her right now and when they sent me the text because my neighbor can see his car parked down there.

he is not only cheating on me but he is bringing our son into it and trying to hurt me as much as possible.

I have already done a change of address and I pray he is gone all week at his hotel reservations so I can use the week to pack. 10 years wasted with this sack of garbage.


3/29.2013 - last night he came home but I was at a friends when he got here. by the time i got home he was already in bed. I sent our son in to sleep with him & I slept in our son's room (which I chose to do anyways when this nightmare started). This morning my son said that he & daddy both cried a lot and talked a bit.

This morning he was gone before i woke up. he sent me a text saying that he wanted me to leave this weekend so he could spend it with our son alone. i said fine (i agreed so easily because in our divorce papers I am offereing him odd years holidays anyways). an hour and 1/2 later i get the following text His words will be green. Mine will be purple

"Ok, I think we need some time apart at very least Michelle. B(our son) and I cried for a long time last night together. I want to know why you decided to go to a divorce lawyer like that. I am very hurt over this too, don't think I'm not, I am an emotional wreck, I am very depressed and having thoughts I never thought I would have..." " And I haven't spoken with a lawyer yet. I plan to be civil if it goes there"

"All I ask is that you make sure the Easter bunny comes" (since he's keeping him on Easter)

"Of course, and why don't you answer me"

"What was the question?"

"Oh, why did I go to a lawyer. Why don't you take a few wild guesses"

"Tell me"

" I know everything. I just hope it was all worth breaking up our family over"

"What do you think you know Michelle? Cause I guarantee you know nothing"

"I thought you wanted to be civil. Condoms & your wedding ring. Hotel res for north hollywood. Valentines flowers to Joanne."

"you have my jacket and wedding ring? Condoms? Joanne is in Ohio I haven't seen her in 20 years Michelle we just talk a lot, I sent flowers cause she was feeling suicidal, they weren't for valentines day"

" I took it off when u said u were at a divorce lawyer"

"The flower company read me the card "happy valentines day" You left the jacket with condoms in the pocket on our bed. You spent $300 to rent a hotel, Best Western through Orbitz, for next week."

(then I sent him a photo of the condoms & ring I had I taken)

"I bought those after the divorce thing, I thought about going to hook up with anyone, just to do it, but can't bring myself to do it. I am truly sorry, I messed up big time... The hotel reservations were for me to get away for a little while I am very stressed out and contemplating doing something. I need to really think about my life and what I am doing. i do love you Michelle. I am very heartbroken over all this, not just about (our son)."

"nothing matters anymore, I am giving up"

"let's talk when I come home tonight, ok?"

"I'll listen to the truth. Anything less and I'm walking away."

"ok"

So, that was the convo today. We had while I was in the welfare office and filing for emergency FS & medical since I cannot trust him not to waste our joint account. He has no idea I filed for that nor does it seem that he knows I filed for divorce.

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It started Sunday night when he refused to show me a text he received. He ran out of the house, jumped in the car, and deleted everything.

Next day I discover about a zillion texts between him & our sexy neighbor. They claim they were just friends. But the texts were all day everyday and he was hiding the "friendship" from me.

I never snoop but I should have long ago. I looked at the phone records and there is a bajillion calls to an OH number but we live in CA. I am talking texts all day everyday & calls starting at 5am when he leaves the house.I always aksed why the hell he left so early - that's why.

Then I look at our bank statements (which I never did before) and see tons of cash always withdrawn. Then I see a $53 charge on 2/08/2013 for a flower service. I called the 800 number & gave my husband's info. It went to a woman in yup, OHIO just like all the calls. The note on the card said "Happy Valentines Day". The bastard didn't do shit for me on vday. So I google the woman's name that the flower shop gave me and find out she used to live in Ellicot City MD just like my husband! Can you say 'old flame' maybe???

It gets worse. I see a 1-888 number called twice today. I called it. It was Orbitz. I called Orbitz and disocvered that he spent a few hundred bucks of our joint acct on a HOTEL for April 1st - 4th in North Hollywood for him and a "guest". The asshole had told me 2 weeks ago that he'd be gone all next week for a work conference in San Diego. So he has been planning to get away for awhile now with God knows who.

You may say "but how can he go away with a woman in Ohio". Well, obviously he's either screwing the neighbor from the text messages OR he has other women he's screwing because.... HE LEFT HIS WEDDING RING & CONDOMS in his jacket pocket this morning for me to find.

I am also friends with the wife of one of his co-workers & she told me that his work attendance has started to get bad. So the bastard has been skipping work t screw around too.

I have been begging & trying to get this man to make time for me, to love me, and this is why he hasn't. He is screwing around and now rubbing it in my face.

After the initial texting the neighbor situation I saw a lawyer (and his flat-out refusal to stop). This morning I went to the court house and filed. I am absolutely sick & devastated. All I have been is a loving faithful wife. What's worse is our 8 yr old is crying uncontrollably and said he knew mommy & daddy fight but he never thought we'd actually split up. I didn't go anon because I need all the support I can get right now.

I just want to thank you all for the support. I'm trying to reply to everyone but the tears rolling down my face are getting in the way...


by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 8:33 PM
Replies (1031-1040):
DamianaFire
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:22 PM
I'm so sorry. At least you know. Strength and peace.
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ginene
by Silver Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 10:42 PM

Wow sorry you are going through this.

casseopeia
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 11:14 PM

Well I'm here to tell you this is survivable.  A very similar thing happened to me, only my Ex got the c@nt pregnant.  It's taken a long time and it was a rough journey, but I'm still here.  Find a good divorce recovery group.  There may be one sponsered by your church.  It's good to talk to people at a similar stage of breaking up.  Talk therapy is good, but you will use a lot of time going over really old ground.  You need something for right now and a Divorce Support Group is about the best I can recommend.

Linus77
by Silver Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:03 AM
1 mom liked this

This has been on my mind for the past few days.  You said he denied any sexual relationship, but he doesn't love you anymore.  Sounds to me like he and his lady friend are talking about how to handle the situation.  I wouldn't be surprised if they agreed to deny a sexual relationship because that would put him on the bottom.  Most courts side with the mom especially in the event of the husband cheating...alimony, child support, the house.  You need to keep and organize your evidense and have a lawyer advise you on this.  Don't believe him that he says he didn't sleep with this woman.  And your neighbor friend?  She's in on it, IMO.  Talk to her hubby alone.  He will stand by his wife, but alone, he might already have had his suspicions.... 

Just...don't relax and don't trust.  Your hubby stands to lose everything...he's going to fight dirty...because he has a home-breaker lady to talk to and put things in his head.

Linus77
by Silver Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:06 AM
1 mom liked this
Oh, and I would hire an investigator and find out what his assets are. If he's spending money on a hotel for a women and buying all kinds of things, he may also be hiding money and such. Leave him no wiggle room.
Tesserae
by Mrs.Mellark on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:09 AM
1 mom liked this

My husband is a world-class liar. I believe nothing out of his mouth. I already have all the paperwork done with my lawyer - there is no chance of fixing this partly because he doesn't even want to. He's not even sorry nor does he want to save our family. So now I am simply waiting for my STBX to get served and respond. It's going to get nasty. I can feel it. As far as the cheating, it doesn't matter. CA is a no-fault state. 

Personally, I have good & bad days. It's really hard to wrap your head around the fact that the guy who supposedly loved you for 10 yrs is just done with you. How is it so easy for him to simply walk away from what we had.


Quoting Linus77:

This has been on my mind for the past few days.  You said he denied any sexual relationship, but he doesn't love you anymore.  Sounds to me like he and his lady friend are talking about how to handle the situation.  I wouldn't be surprised if they agreed to deny a sexual relationship because that would put him on the bottom.  Most courts side with the mom especially in the event of the husband cheating...alimony, child support, the house.  You need to keep and organize your evidense and have a lawyer advise you on this.  Don't believe him that he says he didn't sleep with this woman.  And your neighbor friend?  She's in on it, IMO.  Talk to her hubby alone.  He will stand by his wife, but alone, he might already have had his suspicions.... 

Just...don't relax and don't trust.  Your hubby stands to lose everything...he's going to fight dirty...because he has a home-breaker lady to talk to and put things in his head.



Beenhereforever
by Gold Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:04 PM
Thank you for the 4-3 update. I'm really sorry you have to deal with this.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 122 on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:44 PM

Having been in your DH's shoes at a different time in my life, I have three things for you:

A) There is zero possibility that he isn't sleeping with this woman.

B) It is entirely possible that he still loves you.

C) As wrong as this is, it might be just phase and a fantasy that he is living out.  I wouldn't give up yet.

Holiday100
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 12:31 AM

Im so sorry.  I say...move out, or have him leave.   Dont get emotional.  Stay very civil.  Do not mention the "slut."   Just say," ok I get it, you no longer are in love with me so therefore there is nothing to save."   Then after that be curt, poilte and simple when doing child exchange. 

IT will drive him batshit crazy to see you coping so well.   It will really mess with his head and someday he is going to remember how classy you were and regret losing you.

My point is, if he doesnt want to fight for the marriage, its over.  You cant fight for it alone.  Let him go.  Rant to your girlfriends or us here but never let him see you anything but cool.  Its the best thing you can do for yourslelf and your child.    

It sucks moving on but the best way to separate is civil.   Messy ugly divorces cause so much damage,    Honestly I would want to fight for a deceiver and cheater anyway.   Someday you will find the person you are looking for and will be happy again.   In the meantime do everything you can to take of yourself, your appearance and  your strength.  Dont let him break you.  Divorce is painful enough without adding more to it.   The more you just move on and stay distant yet civil the stronger you will become.   

HE left you no choice about the marriage, but the choice in how YOU handle it is up to you.   I suggest doing it with dignity on YOUR part.  That way you can always said YOU tried, YOU did right by your son, and YOU were true in the marriage.  Dont play his sick games.   Just go in peace.   Easier said than done i know, but you will be glad you did, in time, after the deep emotion leaves.   You will be proud of youself and he will forever respect you and think of you as the one who got away.    Its the only way to "win" in this situatuon.  From today forward give him no more power over you.  

Good luck with everything.  I wouldnt wish the pain of divorce on anyone.  Just keep telling yourslef that you did you best, its not your fault, it happens and life moves on.  Whenever you need to vent we are here.  DONT LET HIM SEE THAT HE GOT TO YOU.  He doesnt deserve to revel in seeing your pain and playing with your emotions another day.    When he texts his bi polar bullshit just reply...   " I appreciate you trying to reach out but please only contact me if it has to do with our son.  Thank you for respecting that"

Tesserae
by Mrs.Mellark on Apr. 10, 2013 at 11:17 AM

Thank you for the wonderful advice, I am so appreciative of all the support I am getting. After the initial shock I think I only tried to bring up how much he hurt me once. Other than that I have been very cool. It helps to think about all the pain he has caused me and that simply makes me angry and reaffirms why I am divorcing him. I hope we can have a civil divorce but I know we are world's apart on custody & support. We have mediation on the 30th. After that - court.


Quoting Holiday100:

Im so sorry.  I say...move out, or have him leave.   Dont get emotional.  Stay very civil.  Do not mention the "slut."   Just say," ok I get it, you no longer are in love with me so therefore there is nothing to save."   Then after that be curt, poilte and simple when doing child exchange. 

IT will drive him batshit crazy to see you coping so well.   It will really mess with his head and someday he is going to remember how classy you were and regret losing you.

My point is, if he doesnt want to fight for the marriage, its over.  You cant fight for it alone.  Let him go.  Rant to your girlfriends or us here but never let him see you anything but cool.  Its the best thing you can do for yourslelf and your child.    

It sucks moving on but the best way to separate is civil.   Messy ugly divorces cause so much damage,    Honestly I would want to fight for a deceiver and cheater anyway.   Someday you will find the person you are looking for and will be happy again.   In the meantime do everything you can to take of yourself, your appearance and  your strength.  Dont let him break you.  Divorce is painful enough without adding more to it.   The more you just move on and stay distant yet civil the stronger you will become.   

HE left you no choice about the marriage, but the choice in how YOU handle it is up to you.   I suggest doing it with dignity on YOUR part.  That way you can always said YOU tried, YOU did right by your son, and YOU were true in the marriage.  Dont play his sick games.   Just go in peace.   Easier said than done i know, but you will be glad you did, in time, after the deep emotion leaves.   You will be proud of youself and he will forever respect you and think of you as the one who got away.    Its the only way to "win" in this situatuon.  From today forward give him no more power over you.  

Good luck with everything.  I wouldnt wish the pain of divorce on anyone.  Just keep telling yourslef that you did you best, its not your fault, it happens and life moves on.  Whenever you need to vent we are here.  DONT LET HIM SEE THAT HE GOT TO YOU.  He doesnt deserve to revel in seeing your pain and playing with your emotions another day.    When he texts his bi polar bullshit just reply...   " I appreciate you trying to reach out but please only contact me if it has to do with our son.  Thank you for respecting that"



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