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He left last night & I dont think I want him coming back - Final Update

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Ever since our son was born 9 months ago DH is a changed man. He's downright abusive really (to me, not the baby!!). He wanted me to be a SAHM because childcare is so expensive, which is fine except we can only afford 1 car and he has it 24/7 so I cant go anywhere to see anyone or do anything... He then throws it in my face that I have no money?!?! He also will yell and call me a bitch or a cunt.. There is more but I dont want to get too detailed.

The point is, he is not the same person I knew 9 months ago and I do not like this person at all!!! I have asked him to get counseling (we did it together for a few months but he didnt like it and wouldnt go anymore... He also never seemed to try and work on any of the things the therapist told us to work on anyway...), he almost never drinks alcohol, doesnt do drugs, ect.. But this attitude is just horrible!
So last night at 4am when he called me an ignorant bitch because I havent been feeling good (as in, I was puking in the bedroom) and asked him to change the baby (he was WIDE awake too) I just went off on him. I told him exactly what I thought about him and what others had told me they thought about him from the outside looking in. I told him how I didnt feel like he has been trying to improve himself at all. He left. He hasnt ever left.. I have NO idea where he is or if he is ok or what he is doing.... And I am sad to say that a part of me doesnt care! But the other part does care!!!! I dont know what to do... Do I call him? Then what? "Oh please please come home??" <--- not likely...

Update: I found a note I somehow missed earlier this morning. It says:
Went to moms (they have been fighting so I didnt expect that!)! Tomorrow get your stuff ready and we will move you out for good. Then we will go to the bank and transfer your cash to your account and that will be the end of it all!! Good luck!

I forgot he does owe me $1,000 from tax season but that isnt even enough for a downpayment on a 1br studio apartment! I have no car either! Where are my baby and I suppose to go?!?! I'm not packing anything right now!!! This is my apartment too! I paid bills when I was working for years! So he is coming home, I am honestly scared he will get physical if I dont pack my things but there is still snow outside where I live and I kid you not the nearest shelter is over an hour away because we live in the sticks! But on my own I dont think I could afford this rent anyway.. I dont know what to do!!!!

My Plan: I called him once earlier and he ignored it so he obviously isnt ready to talk (thats fine, I am not interested in being yelled at so he can take all the time he needs to calm down!). When he does get home if he still has his "Pack your shit" attitude I am going to tell him I called a lawyer (yes that is a lie) and they said that he cannot throw me out even though my name is not on the lease because I have received mail to this address for years! That he needs to evict me and give me 30 days notice.
My hope is that he comes home with an apology in which case I am going to tell him that we will be getting a joint bank account so I have access to OUR money, that we will be going and finding a cheap car for me even though he doesnt want me to spend the money on it and that I am going back to work (though I'd really love to go to school...). I'm not sure how this conversation will go.... I will update later..

He is on his way home: I got ahold of him and he said he'd just woken up (at 5:30pm!!!) and was going to come home. Then he listened to my voicemail stating that I would not be uprooting our son so if he wanted to split then he could move and this is the text he sent me "heard the last voice mail ur gonna move out n not be a stupid cunt! But if u wana be a cunt like id suspect u would cuz u r. U can have the place n good luck payin the rent n elc. Fuckin stupid bitch" and thats all I've heard so far. I responded back with "I'm not sure why your being like this... You can call me names but if I get pissy because you "cant hear me" yelling to you in this tiny apartment then your going to divorce me?? ok..." and to that he didnt respond. I suspect he will be home in about 20 minutes... I feel like I'm going to puke...

Final Update: We're done. He said he doesnt love me, he's sick of the fighting, he has apparently been doing suboxone for a few months now. He said I can stay here but I'll have to figure it out with the landlord since I have no money. My head is just exploding and I cant even cope right now. I'm just holding my sleeping baby balling my eyes out. I feel like I cant breathe. This man has been my safety for my severe anxiety disorder (that I've literally tried pretty much every medication for) for years. When I have an attack I literally cant function. I'm not strong like a lot of you women, I dont think I can be a mom on my own. I have absolutely no one. He has pushed all of my friends away and my family isnt much of a family. This should be easy because he's an abusive asshole but it still hurts so much I cant even put it into words. I cant even type anymore. I dont know if I will be able to read replies.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 29, 2013 at 8:26 AM
Replies (221-226):
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 30, 2013 at 7:25 AM
Yay for you being perceptive enough to notice I love him?? I dont give a shit if its sad!! I can love whomever I choose regardless of how they treat me. We were together for years before he started acting like this so yes, I want to stay with him. But it doesnt matter about what I want. He doesnt want to work on himself, I get that, its the hardest kind of work. So now I'm alone with nothing except $1,000 that will not get me far at all!
And here you are, being a stupid POS anon, just spewing out a whole lot of shit!

Quoting Anonymous:

What's pathetic is....out of every thing you have said, you can see all through the post you are willing to stay with him no matter what. All you are waiting for is for HIM to agree, and you won't leave him! SAD! 

by Anonymous 8 on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:01 AM
I know your broken and hurt. But, come Monday you need to pick yourself off the floor and get angry at this man! You take him for everything he has. Half of his money is your money and you are entitled to it! You file for cs and custody and go get on pa!!

He is a shitty human and he will get his!!
by Anonymous 11 on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:03 AM
1 mom liked this

Aww come on, you're being a bit dramatic. An abusive man is not a security blanket, and look what he has done to you, made your anxiety worse.. 

You are better off without him... You will see just how strong you are.

by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:07 AM
1 mom liked this
Moms are tough - and you are a mom! Give yourself a day to get your brain around this. Then start reaching out - call the friends you have missed, start looking up jobs, start looking around for child care and go down to the courts and start paperwork for child support. If you 2 are married, you have some additional legal protection - but you need a lawyer. You can get through this!
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by Sapphire Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:24 AM

if you say so.

Quoting Anonymous:

Lol yes it is... I'm going to lay my cards on the table and for once I am going to tell HIM what to do. If he doesnt like it I will be telling him he can live with his mommy (or find his own place) and if he doesnt like that he can take me to court. Even if he wins and gets to stay in the apartment that will give me at least 2 months to find a car, a job, get on some kind of assistance because I will really need it! I think its a thorough plan... It just doesnt have all the little details yet because I dont know how the conversation will go.

Quoting notjstasocermom:

um thats not really a plan.

by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 3:42 PM
1 mom liked this

Its the suboxone that created this side of him. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Drugs can change a person to become someone so cold and evil. I'm going to guess that there are other things fueling this fire in him, the suboxones are his coping mechanism and they have fueled this monster that was once the man you loved. The pain he has created inside you will go away eventually, though it takes a long time. With him being on drugs(Suboxone does NOT show up in drug tests so he can do it and lie to you and everyone else about it), you need to fight for him to get the help he needs before you will leave him alone with your son. You will have to fight to even get out of bed every morning. My heart breaks for you. I've been where you have been, I have been blindsided and I have been the one to blindside someone else. Years later, I still haven't forgotten the pain. I've forgiven the man, but as a woman, you never forget the pain. It does make you stronger once it becomes bearable. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. I'm on here once or twice a day.

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