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He left last night & I dont think I want him coming back - Final Update

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Ever since our son was born 9 months ago DH is a changed man. He's downright abusive really (to me, not the baby!!). He wanted me to be a SAHM because childcare is so expensive, which is fine except we can only afford 1 car and he has it 24/7 so I cant go anywhere to see anyone or do anything... He then throws it in my face that I have no money?!?! He also will yell and call me a bitch or a cunt.. There is more but I dont want to get too detailed.

The point is, he is not the same person I knew 9 months ago and I do not like this person at all!!! I have asked him to get counseling (we did it together for a few months but he didnt like it and wouldnt go anymore... He also never seemed to try and work on any of the things the therapist told us to work on anyway...), he almost never drinks alcohol, doesnt do drugs, ect.. But this attitude is just horrible!
So last night at 4am when he called me an ignorant bitch because I havent been feeling good (as in, I was puking in the bedroom) and asked him to change the baby (he was WIDE awake too) I just went off on him. I told him exactly what I thought about him and what others had told me they thought about him from the outside looking in. I told him how I didnt feel like he has been trying to improve himself at all. He left. He hasnt ever left.. I have NO idea where he is or if he is ok or what he is doing.... And I am sad to say that a part of me doesnt care! But the other part does care!!!! I dont know what to do... Do I call him? Then what? "Oh please please come home??" <--- not likely...

Update: I found a note I somehow missed earlier this morning. It says:
Went to moms (they have been fighting so I didnt expect that!)! Tomorrow get your stuff ready and we will move you out for good. Then we will go to the bank and transfer your cash to your account and that will be the end of it all!! Good luck!

I forgot he does owe me $1,000 from tax season but that isnt even enough for a downpayment on a 1br studio apartment! I have no car either! Where are my baby and I suppose to go?!?! I'm not packing anything right now!!! This is my apartment too! I paid bills when I was working for years! So he is coming home, I am honestly scared he will get physical if I dont pack my things but there is still snow outside where I live and I kid you not the nearest shelter is over an hour away because we live in the sticks! But on my own I dont think I could afford this rent anyway.. I dont know what to do!!!!

My Plan: I called him once earlier and he ignored it so he obviously isnt ready to talk (thats fine, I am not interested in being yelled at so he can take all the time he needs to calm down!). When he does get home if he still has his "Pack your shit" attitude I am going to tell him I called a lawyer (yes that is a lie) and they said that he cannot throw me out even though my name is not on the lease because I have received mail to this address for years! That he needs to evict me and give me 30 days notice.
My hope is that he comes home with an apology in which case I am going to tell him that we will be getting a joint bank account so I have access to OUR money, that we will be going and finding a cheap car for me even though he doesnt want me to spend the money on it and that I am going back to work (though I'd really love to go to school...). I'm not sure how this conversation will go.... I will update later..

He is on his way home: I got ahold of him and he said he'd just woken up (at 5:30pm!!!) and was going to come home. Then he listened to my voicemail stating that I would not be uprooting our son so if he wanted to split then he could move and this is the text he sent me "heard the last voice mail ur gonna move out n not be a stupid cunt! But if u wana be a cunt like id suspect u would cuz u r. U can have the place n good luck payin the rent n elc. Fuckin stupid bitch" and thats all I've heard so far. I responded back with "I'm not sure why your being like this... You can call me names but if I get pissy because you "cant hear me" yelling to you in this tiny apartment then your going to divorce me?? ok..." and to that he didnt respond. I suspect he will be home in about 20 minutes... I feel like I'm going to puke...

Final Update: We're done. He said he doesnt love me, he's sick of the fighting, he has apparently been doing suboxone for a few months now. He said I can stay here but I'll have to figure it out with the landlord since I have no money. My head is just exploding and I cant even cope right now. I'm just holding my sleeping baby balling my eyes out. I feel like I cant breathe. This man has been my safety for my severe anxiety disorder (that I've literally tried pretty much every medication for) for years. When I have an attack I literally cant function. I'm not strong like a lot of you women, I dont think I can be a mom on my own. I have absolutely no one. He has pushed all of my friends away and my family isnt much of a family. This should be easy because he's an abusive asshole but it still hurts so much I cant even put it into words. I cant even type anymore. I dont know if I will be able to read replies.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 29, 2013 at 8:26 AM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:35 AM
I can ask my neighbor to come over but my family is the kind thats like "Your an adult, I will not get in your business or let you move in. You need to do it on your own." type of family :-\ My sister tried to move back in a few months ago while waiting to go to college and my mother told her no even though it would have only been for a few months and she is just 18.
And I am more concerned with him trying to force me out or yelling in front of the baby.


Quoting MicheleJM:

There is no one who can come to the house to be there as a witness?  If your name is  on the lease he can't make you leave.  Even if it isn't he probably can't make you leave.  At least that buys you a few days to decide what to do.  Ask the women in the single moms group I think you can file for emergency support.  I'd ask a friend, a neighbor, someone to come over.  I'd not want to be alone with him.


lovinglife0682
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:37 AM
I am sorry you are going through this but why did you allow this? If you worked before, why don't you have a car?


Quoting Anonymous:

Oh well I'm glad you have a magical solution! The first time I told him it wasnt appropriate or respectful. I have no car, no money, no where to go so how could I have nipped it in the bud???




Quoting blessed107:

I wouldn't call him, especially after being called those names. I would have nipped it in the bud the very first time he called me a name.



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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:39 AM
I just looked at the lease and it is only his name.


Quoting Melissa_4:

Call the police.  He has left.  Is the place where you live in HIS name only, or does it have both of your names?  Let him move in with mom.


vwd_johnson
by Ruby Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:40 AM
2 moms liked this
Your name should be on the lease even as a resident if not the "owner". So he technically has to evict you and at least give you 30 days.

Anyway.. what state are you in? Go to a cheap hotel for the night, not ideal but its better than nothing. Head to the courthouse in the morning and file for child support, then go apply for foodstamps, WIC, and head to the food pantry. Foodstamps will probably at least give you an emergency $200, for now!

Ask them what you can do for shelther and daycare, they should know of some resources for you.

I'm sorry. Goodluck. Its better than being with him!!!!

Would his mother let you stay with her at all? Or would she watch your son while you work for a little for you to get a job? Then you can ask in court for your ex to help with daycare costs.
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luckythreemom
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:40 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting Anonymous:




Is that your legal address? Is it on your dl or do you receive mail there? In my state, once it has been established as yiur legal residence, they have to evict you. This can take months!
brettsmomma
by ~Tammie~ on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:40 AM
1 mom liked this

He can not force you out of that apt. If you have had mail delivered there(at least in my state) then he has to go thru an eviction process. I personally would take that 1000 bucks and penny pinch the bills there until you can find a job. Go to welfare and ask for help. That's why its there for people in your predicament. Go out and get a job asap.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:41 AM

bump

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:41 AM
I'm not sure how I allowed this.... I told him it wasnt acceptable, made him go to couples therapy for as long as possible...
I dont have a car because the transmission went and there were holes in the fuel lines and the shop said they would have to rebuild the fuel lines because it was an old car. It was going to be over $2000 to repair it and we didnt have that kind of money.


Quoting lovinglife0682:

I am sorry you are going through this but why did you allow this? If you worked before, why don't you have a car?




Quoting Anonymous:

Oh well I'm glad you have a magical solution! The first time I told him it wasnt appropriate or respectful. I have no car, no money, no where to go so how could I have nipped it in the bud???






Quoting blessed107:

I wouldn't call him, especially after being called those names. I would have nipped it in the bud the very first time he called me a name.




-MidnightKarma-
by Bronze Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:42 AM
You can usually get emergency housing from the state. They will help you with a place to stay temporarily. You may have to show them the note he left as proof that he is throwing you out. File for child support and custody immediately. Try to find a free or cheap lawyer and file for divorce. Good luck.
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stormystar15
by Bronze Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:42 AM
1 mom liked this
He has to go to court and go through the eviction process because you have lived there over 30 days and have recieved mail there. So while he is trying to do that file for emergency custody, child support, and tanf (quickest way to get child care through the state so you can find a job.)
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