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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Is he being irresponsible or is it just me?


I posted this in 20 something moms as well. I'm posting here too so I can get as many opinions as possible.

My SO and I have our first on the way. She is due in May. I've been worried about him being able to handle everything involved with caring for a baby. I work at a daycare and take care of 4 infants at one time, so I know all the ins and outs. He has never been around babies and I know there is going to be a learning curve for him obviously. But I just feel like he isn't responsible enough for me to even trust her alone with the baby. Growing up, his mom babied him. She did pretty much everything for him. Well I've noticed just how much he doesn't do when we moved in together. He NEVER locks the door to the house. We even had people breaking in to near-by houses and still, he continued to forget to lock the door. He also won't lock the car doors either. I can literally say RIGHT before we get out "Lock the door", and he doesn't!! Also, sometimes when he is done cooking, he leaves the stove on!!!!! One night, he left the stove on ALL night because I didn't know I had to check it. Then, he is obsessed with this online PC game called Guild Wars. He will stay up until 5 or 6am playing this goddamn game even on nights when he has work or school the follow day. So he goes off of like 4-5 hours of sleep. And he puts his game before his studies as well. He just bombed a Math exam for college because he didn't study the night before. He gamed -.- Lastly, I have to do little things for him like remember to get his wallet and cell phone before he leaves, set the alarm clock or he won't, REMIND him he hasn't showered in two days. Ugh..I just feel like I have a child already. How am I suppose to trust him if I need to go some where? I feel like he won't remember to feed her or change her diaper or burp her. Do I have legitamite reason to be worried or do you think I'm being a bitch and over-reacting??

by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 11:55 AM
Replies (21-30):
sugareemommee
by Ruby Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 12:09 PM
I think you need to explain to him that his lack of concern and irresponsibility is causing major stress to you, and having him get pissed off is completely immature. You're bringing another human being into this world and you need to be able to depend on your partner. Not worry every time you leave the house!

They're legit concerns and all you're asking for is an acknowledgment that he's going to make an effort.

How old is he?

If he continues to freak out, I'd turn off the wifi. Cancel it even. Until he's ready to talk I'd stress him out too.


Quoting coffeemom37043:


We are fighting about it right now. He is just getting pissed at me for being worried.


Quoting sugareemommee:

I'm sorry he's a child. He needs to get his shit together, for real.



Have you say down and had an adult conversation about this with him?





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Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Mar. 29, 2013 at 12:10 PM

HOLY HELL!! Your man sounds like my BFF's IDIOT husband that NO ONE can stand!!!! Not even his own sisters and brothers can stand him!!! I made sure that the man I married, was well-versed in 'how' to take care of babies/toddlers!! My DH is the 2nd oldest of 7 kids. His parents did NOT 'make' the older kids raise the younger ones, but DH did change diapers sometimes. He also helped give the younger kids baths as toddlers, helped brush the younger kids teeth, etc.etc! The one thing that REALLY showed me what a GREAT daddy he would be someday, was when we were dating, and I called him on Halloween night. One of his brothers answered the phone and told me he was out taking their then-8-year-old sister Trick or Treating!! :)  Yep! He's an AMAZING man and daddy!! I am one VERY LUCKY, LUCKY gal!!!  :)

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Mar. 29, 2013 at 12:10 PM
You sound like you just described my husband to a T. Only difference is his game of choice is WoW instead of Guild Wars. I work full time and he's a full time student, so he was going to have to do alot of the daytime care for her. After our daughter arrived, he manned up, matured, and does well with her. He may still need to be reminded about his wallet and stuff, but not about anything to do with her. Hopefully your man will do the same!
coffeemom37043
by Silver Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 12:12 PM


Oh God...WoW was his last game obsession... -.- I hope so too though...it gives me hope that he manned up when your baby came though. Maybe mine will do the same.

Quoting Anonymous:

You sound like you just described my husband to a T. Only difference is his game of choice is WoW instead of Guild Wars. I work full time and he's a full time student, so he was going to have to do alot of the daytime care for her. After our daughter arrived, he manned up, matured, and does well with her. He may still need to be reminded about his wallet and stuff, but not about anything to do with her. Hopefully your man will do the same!



davnrori
by Platinum Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 12:13 PM

 I think you are over reacting. Yes, those things are annoying but it doesn't say anything about how he's going to treat a baby. You might know a lot about other people's children but you have never been a mother. It's different when you know you are responsible for a life 24/7 rather than just a few hours a day. Let your SO know that he can tell you if he doesn't feel comfortable doing certain things with the baby, like feeding or bathing, and that he can come to you without judgement. Tell him he can help in other ways like changing the baby in the middle of the night, doing laundry or other household chores while you take care of the newborn. My DH never bathed any of our children until recently (our younger 2 are 3yo and 1yo) because he didn't feel like he could handle it. Being around slippery floppy babies freaked him out. If you really feel you need to do something then put reminders on SOs phone like 12pm- feed baby, change diaper. 2:30pm feed baby, check diaper, change if necessary. Remember, you chose to have a child with this man. I doubt what you call his 'irresponsibility' started when you became pregnant.

coffeemom37043
by Silver Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 12:13 PM


He's 20. But yeah, maybe canceling the internet for a while would be a good idea..

Quoting sugareemommee:

I think you need to explain to him that his lack of concern and irresponsibility is causing major stress to you, and having him get pissed off is completely immature. You're bringing another human being into this world and you need to be able to depend on your partner. Not worry every time you leave the house!

They're legit concerns and all you're asking for is an acknowledgment that he's going to make an effort.

How old is he?

If he continues to freak out, I'd turn off the wifi. Cancel it even. Until he's ready to talk I'd stress him out too.


Quoting coffeemom37043:


We are fighting about it right now. He is just getting pissed at me for being worried.


Quoting sugareemommee:

I'm sorry he's a child. He needs to get his shit together, for real.



Have you say down and had an adult conversation about this with him?







1likeme
by Gold Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 12:16 PM
I would insist on marriage counseling. He is behaving like a child and forcing you to be a parent to him instead of a spouse. I would not trust him either and I sure as hell wouldn't trust him to be alone with my child.
othermom
by Ruby Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 12:18 PM

MMy husband does a lot of those things and is a great dad. I have forgotten to turn of the stove before and am a great mom. I would give him a chance to prove himself.  It can be very diffrent once the child is born and the way a person cares for a child.

kels1023
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 12:20 PM
He's a man child. Maybe seeing his little girl for the first time will change his ways. I've noticed women become moms the moment we get pregnant. Men don't usually become dads until they hold their baby for the first time.
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Anastacia1988
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 12:21 PM
Call his mom.... I mean this kind of is her fault
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