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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Why all the advice on how to not hear your baby cry?

I have seen several 'sleep training' posts on facebook from mothers who are struggling.....and people reply "hang in there" --- "ear plugs" --- "ipod headphones" --- "you will all appreciate it in a few days!"

Do people NOT know that babies cry for a reason?!?  (reasons aren't always about being hungry, soiled, or hot/cold --- babies actually have emotional and psychological needs, too!)

People tell you it's 'for the baby's own good"  --- b/c, you know, a 6 month old needs to learn to be 'independent' and to 'self-soothe' or he/she will never, ever, sleep on his/her own!!!  *eye roll*  (and, HOW do you define 'self-soothe'?  A baby finally stopping crying doesn't mean he/she has learned to 'self-soothe'......didn't you know crying is EXHAUSTING?!?)

Learned helplessness is not self-soothing.  Sleep training is learned helplessness.  Sugar coat it however you want to make yourself feel better.  Tell yourself how happy you were you did it.....but, your baby just learned that mom won't come anymore when I need her --- that is NOT 'self-soothing'.    

Babies who never 'sleep trained', or went through 'cry it out', are actually capable of being independent and to go to sleep on their own when they are ready.

Vent over.


by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:10 AM
Replies (21-30):
celestegood
by Ruby Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:26 AM

 Same here.  My oldest is sixteen and my youngest is three.  None of them were forced to CIO.  I would never do that to my babies.

Quoting Char-Bear:

Never done CIO, never will.

 

mich.el.le
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:29 AM

I decided to sleep train as gently as I could when I couldn't get through the physical, mental and emotional exhaustion anymore. It was affecting me as a wife and mother to get so little sleep. However, I would never suggest it on an infant.

banana-bear
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:29 AM
2 moms liked this
The only way she slept for the first 6 months was when I had her in the moby, pacing around my house. I remember I couldn't nurse her while sitting either. I had to walk around while nursing her. Wtf! She was so high maintenance. People have no idea how good they have it when their babies don't have GERD. I know, I was one of them before my youngest.

Quoting LKrasnor:

This!!! I tried wearing headphones with music blasting while carrying dd in the Bjorn. It just sounded like a crazy blend of screaming and music. Not a great combo. I will try noise canceling headphones if we're in the same boat again.




Quoting banana-bear:

Clearly you have never had a baby with GERD. There was no amount of love, attention, diaper changes, feedings, etc that I could have done. She just cried for hours on end. I tended to her excessively and I wish I would have thought to wear headphones with music back then. I was going insane.

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celestegood
by Ruby Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:30 AM

 Exactly!  Although I used really good earplugs.  I tried everything to help the poor guy.

Quoting banana-bear:

Clearly you have never had a baby with GERD. There was no amount of love, attention, diaper changes, feedings, etc that I could have done. She just cried for hours on end. I tended to her excessively and I wish I would have thought to wear headphones with music back then. I was going insane.

 

mom2hadley
by Heather on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:30 AM
I agree
banana-bear
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:31 AM
I never even thought of that! I was so far into insanity.

Quoting celestegood:

 Exactly!  Although I used really good earplugs.  I tried everything to help the poor guy.


Quoting banana-bear:

Clearly you have never had a baby with GERD. There was no amount of love, attention, diaper changes, feedings, etc that I could have done. She just cried for hours on end. I tended to her excessively and I wish I would have thought to wear headphones with music back then. I was going insane.

 

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SerenityBerry
by Silver Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:33 AM
5 moms liked this

Child #1: Did not sleep train, I held her and rocked her to sleep every night. Let her fall asleep on her schedule. That kid did not learn to go to bed without someone cuddling with her until she was 6 years old. 

Child 2&3: We sleep trained. We bathe them, put them in clean clothes, feed and snuggle them until the bottle is gone, then we lay them in their cribs. They cry/fuss for at most 10 minutes if at all then sleep all night on their own. They are happier and more active during the day compared to how they had been prior to us doing this. 

Bottom line, I know it seems harsh, but babies do fight sleep, they can have trouble settling down after a day full of stimuli, so yes they do need to learn how to let themselves calm down and to sleep, for their own well being. 

I had a hard time doing this but my experience with the first child and the urging of our pediatrician plus my husband's well being made me give it a chance, and it worked out to benefit us all. My husband and I get to sleep in our bed, not on the sofa or nursery floor. The girls wake happier and are in a better mood during their waking hours. Keep in mind sometimes being a parent means being tough, parenting even babies is not all about soft and gentle. 

*I did want to add that we didn't do this until they were 10 months old.*

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:46 AM

If they are fed, bathed, clean clothes, consoled and they are still crying then yes I will let the baby cry to see if they can soothe themselves.  My kids are 8 and 5 now and know I am there for them and are very attached to me and healthy.  Get over yourself. 

one_on_the_way
by Silver Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 1:35 AM



Quoting Anonymous:

If they are fed, bathed, clean clothes, consoled and they are still crying then yes I will let the baby cry to see if they can soothe themselves.  My kids are 8 and 5 now and know I am there for them and are very attached to me and healthy.  Get over yourself. 


I think that's great if it worked for you.  I'm just really tired of the pressure I see American parents get from everyone to listen to their babies cry.....all under the 'consolation' that babies 'need' to learn.  As though a parent isn't doing their job unless they do that.  And people need to stop saying it is for the baby's best interest....no, it is for you.  You're tired of rocking your baby to sleep.  We get it.  It can really suck sometimes.  I'm not saying that is wrong to choose it if you're sanity or quality of parenting is suffering, then maybe it is best if it will make you a better parent  --- but don't make it sound as though every baby needs to go through crying themselves to sleep or that or he/she is doomed in some way to a life of dependence.  Not so.



twin_mama_x_2
by Silver Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 1:44 AM
I won't do CIO with any of mine.my older 2 sleep great now at age 3 and my younger 2 are still up anywhere from once to 4 times per night.tiring,yes,but I will not let them cry-it breaks my heart to hear them upset.
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