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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Why all the advice on how to not hear your baby cry?

I have seen several 'sleep training' posts on facebook from mothers who are struggling.....and people reply "hang in there" --- "ear plugs" --- "ipod headphones" --- "you will all appreciate it in a few days!"

Do people NOT know that babies cry for a reason?!?  (reasons aren't always about being hungry, soiled, or hot/cold --- babies actually have emotional and psychological needs, too!)

People tell you it's 'for the baby's own good"  --- b/c, you know, a 6 month old needs to learn to be 'independent' and to 'self-soothe' or he/she will never, ever, sleep on his/her own!!!  *eye roll*  (and, HOW do you define 'self-soothe'?  A baby finally stopping crying doesn't mean he/she has learned to 'self-soothe'......didn't you know crying is EXHAUSTING?!?)

Learned helplessness is not self-soothing.  Sleep training is learned helplessness.  Sugar coat it however you want to make yourself feel better.  Tell yourself how happy you were you did it.....but, your baby just learned that mom won't come anymore when I need her --- that is NOT 'self-soothing'.    

Babies who never 'sleep trained', or went through 'cry it out', are actually capable of being independent and to go to sleep on their own when they are ready.

Vent over.


by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:10 AM
Replies (41-50):
twin_mama_x_2
by Silver Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 7:54 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm glad to hear that shes doing much better! My son,when he turned 2,was able to come off of all meds because he had outgrown the laryngomalacia.i was so scared that my 2nd set of twins would be that way & they do have gerd but nowhere near the way he did & they don't have the laryngomalacia either.


Quoting banana-bear:

I'm sorry you dealt with that! But so happy to hear that he's doing fine now :o) My GERD baby is 4 now and she still shows some reflux symptoms but it's not really that bad...... not like when she was a baby.



Quoting twin_mama_x_2:

One of my 1st set of twins(peyton) had severe gerd(which to led to sandifers syndrome) & he also had laryngomalacia to the point where he actually had feeding aversion & would only dream feed for me-meaning for 15 months i woke up every 2 to 3 hours at night to give him bottles & when he was about 2 weeks old,he began screaming nonstop & no lie,it could go on for 12 hours because the child would NOT sleep or eat.plus i had another baby to care for-his twin Elijah who thank god was gerd/sandifers/laryngomalacia free.the gi said he felt the laryngomalacia is what set the stage for the gerd being as severe as it was & he saw a speech language pathologist until 15 months old for feeding therapy..I feel


You pain mama!happy to say though at age 3,you'd never know he had any issues at all.








Quoting banana-bear:Clearly you have never had a baby with GERD. There was no amount of love, attention, diaper changes, feedings, etc that I could have done. She just cried for hours on end. I tended to her excessively and I wish I would have thought to wear headphones with music back then. I was going insane.

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Kmary
by Silver Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 7:59 AM
2 moms liked this

I agree.  Though back when my oldest was an infant and had wicked reflux, I sort of wish I'd thought about earplugs while holding, cuddling, rocking him.  That may have been helpful for my sanity.  I never just let  him cry it out alone, but it would've been nice to "lower the volume" a bit while tending to him.  It's psychologically very difficult to hear your baby cry for hours and have nothing work to help them.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:01 AM

Oh I'm sorry I had to let my baby cry for 5min, go in soothe, cry for 5min go in soothe, repeat.

Why?

Bc she would NOT sleep.  Yes she was loved & played w/all day long, which she only would take a 20min nap during the day as well, yes she was changed, fed, bathed, rocked, sang to, read to, walked with. DH & I would take turns staying up, she refused sleep, she played, she babbled, she did not sleep no matter what we did.

We took her to the Dr twice to make sure nothing was wrong, she was healthy.

3-4hrs of sleep a night is NOT healthy for a baby, she was getting to be cranky all day long.  So yes I let her cry, it broke my heart.

20min of going in every 5min & she calmed down, 10min of talking & she fell asleep.  The next day went in only 3xs & she fell asleep, next night she slept.

When she got up in the middle of the night she didnt stay up the rest of night.

Her 20min day naps were now an hour or 2.

She was no longer cranky all day long.  She was happy, healthy & not a sleep deprived baby, I'd say that is a good thing.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:02 AM
1 mom liked this
Because some mothers become overwhelmed with the crying and they shake their babies. People like you who tell moms it isn't ok to let your baby cry and take a break are part of the problem.
amberbamber0213
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:05 AM

i agree. i tried to let my daughter cry it out a few times once she was 6 months plus. she wasnt ready and i could tell. it wasnt till she was about 9 months old she was able to cry it out (just a bit, it was a whiny cry. not a cry cry). one mom on here said her boyfriend was leaving their 6WEEKOLD newborn on their bed alone with the door shut trying to self sooth. i wanted to bitch slap the stupid out of her threw my computer.

ashley9603
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:09 AM

I dont think there is a one size fits all here....My twins were preemies and I didnt do the cio method with them until they were were/are toddlers....you know your babies cries and what they mean.My boys can put themselves to sleep usually in less than 20 minutes after there bedtime snackThere is nothing wrong with cio,if done properly.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:09 AM
Agreed. I had to just let my baby cry in her crib, because I was so frustrated. I stopped myself from shaking her. I put her in her crib and went outside and cried myself.

Quoting Anonymous:

Because some mothers become overwhelmed with the crying and they shake their babies. People like you who tell moms it isn't ok to let your baby cry and take a break are part of the problem.
xomrs.chase
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:11 AM
Agreed
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:12 AM
That is safe. And different than doing it to train them.

Quoting Anonymous:

Agreed. I had to just let my baby cry in her crib, because I was so frustrated. I stopped myself from shaking her. I put her in her crib and went outside and cried myself.



Quoting Anonymous:

Because some mothers become overwhelmed with the crying and they shake their babies. People like you who tell moms it isn't ok to let your baby cry and take a break are part of the problem.
Wheepingchree
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:26 AM
I agree with you. My daughter is 3 and is one of the more independent kids in her pre-school class. I never once let her cry when she was an infant. There was no "sleep-training" in our house and at 7p every night, she says on her own accord - "I'm sleepy, I think it's bed time". She was held constantly, even if she was crying, which was rare. I know we got lucky with a very easy-going baby, but I will do the same if #2 is a crier.
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