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Why all the advice on how to not hear your baby cry?

I have seen several 'sleep training' posts on facebook from mothers who are struggling.....and people reply "hang in there" --- "ear plugs" --- "ipod headphones" --- "you will all appreciate it in a few days!"

Do people NOT know that babies cry for a reason?!?  (reasons aren't always about being hungry, soiled, or hot/cold --- babies actually have emotional and psychological needs, too!)

People tell you it's 'for the baby's own good"  --- b/c, you know, a 6 month old needs to learn to be 'independent' and to 'self-soothe' or he/she will never, ever, sleep on his/her own!!!  *eye roll*  (and, HOW do you define 'self-soothe'?  A baby finally stopping crying doesn't mean he/she has learned to 'self-soothe'......didn't you know crying is EXHAUSTING?!?)

Learned helplessness is not self-soothing.  Sleep training is learned helplessness.  Sugar coat it however you want to make yourself feel better.  Tell yourself how happy you were you did it.....but, your baby just learned that mom won't come anymore when I need her --- that is NOT 'self-soothing'.    

Babies who never 'sleep trained', or went through 'cry it out', are actually capable of being independent and to go to sleep on their own when they are ready.

Vent over.


by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:10 AM
Replies (71-76):
PaperClip811
by Silver Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 5:44 PM

Bleh. I did CIO, I dont make anyone else choose that though.

itsm3
by Platinum Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 7:18 PM

this is what i did too.  

people think that sleep training is putting your baby down in the crib, shutting the door and never going back in for the whole night while mommy and daddy kick back with a movie and a glass of wine.  if anything, mommy and daddy are sitting right outside the door crying along with the baby because it's hard to hear your kids cry! 

going in every few minutes to soothe and check in on them is how sleep training should be done.  it's a few rough nights but then babies who typically wake every hour or two and have crappy sleep in general are cranky, overtired babies that will continue to have trouble sleeping because they cannot sleep properly at all - during the day OR night.  

imagine us adults only sleeping every 2hrs or so; waking every hour or only getting 3-4hrs per night EVERY NIGHT.  how can you function?  how can you get up and do things?  you'd be a cranky, tired mess with zero tolerance for anything.  babies and kids are no different except one thing:  adults know how to try and relax themselves into sleep; babies and kids cannot. if you are crazy exhausted after weeks or months of crappy night sleep with little to no naps, how do you think a baby feels?  and babies/kids NEED lots of sleep.  

yes i sleep trained. it was hard and horrible but it was 2 nights of light crying and checking in ever 5, 10, 15mins until dd fell asleep.  she went from sleeping a shitty 3-4hr night and crappy cat naps to sleeping 12hrs at night and solid 1.5-2hr naps during the day.  she was so happy waking up and would play and coo during the day instead of cry, not eat and be so miserable because she was so tired.

Quoting Anonymous:

Oh I'm sorry I had to let my baby cry for 5min, go in soothe, cry for 5min go in soothe, repeat.

Why?

Bc she would NOT sleep.  Yes she was loved & played w/all day long, which she only would take a 20min nap during the day as well, yes she was changed, fed, bathed, rocked, sang to, read to, walked with. DH & I would take turns staying up, she refused sleep, she played, she babbled, she did not sleep no matter what we did.

We took her to the Dr twice to make sure nothing was wrong, she was healthy.

3-4hrs of sleep a night is NOT healthy for a baby, she was getting to be cranky all day long.  So yes I let her cry, it broke my heart.

20min of going in every 5min & she calmed down, 10min of talking & she fell asleep.  The next day went in only 3xs & she fell asleep, next night she slept.

When she got up in the middle of the night she didnt stay up the rest of night.

Her 20min day naps were now an hour or 2.

She was no longer cranky all day long.  She was happy, healthy & not a sleep deprived baby, I'd say that is a good thing.



usmcwifey11
by Platinum Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 7:23 PM
Agreed.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
melschlegs
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 7:25 PM

I don't think I could ever do CIO... but thankfully our 8 month old is naturally independent.  He weened himself off his paci at 3 months, and while we co-slept, he decided one day that he was done (whined and kicked and carried on until I put him in his crib, where he slept until morning).

inspain
by Platinum Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 7:35 PM

I totally agree.

DH and I never did any it and could not imagine just letting our kids cry.  


PEEK05
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 7:38 PM

I honestly don't understand how someone can do that.  I had a colicky baby for the first 6 months, literally all day and night, to the point to where sometimes she would cry and scream for so long and so hard that she would break blood vessels on the top of her mouth and bleed a little bit.  My second child had severe GERD and was extremely fussy for the first 6 months also, just not as bad as the first.  Thankfully my third is the easiest baby compared to them.  She has her moments when she is gassy but those are not often.  I can't stand to hear my babies cry.  It really hurts me to hear them cry, so I answer them.  Babies do NOT cry for NO reason.  I do not understand how a parent can just sit there knowing their baby is crying and purposely leaving them there.  Whatever though.

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