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Emotional abuse? *added question advice?*

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 21 Replies
A year ago my husband walked out on me. I was a mess, didnt see it coming at all. He moved home got an apartment the whole deal. I was 6 months pregnant at the time. When the baby came we decided to give it another try. Well in the past 6 weeks he has "left" 5 times!!! He says he's done wants a divorce says mean and hurtful things then begs to come back. It was always the same thing. We fight(normally about me wanting him to spend time with me) then he leaves and swears he's no coming back this time, then I try to get info like child support and custody and he gets so upset and says mean things then goes crazy. Like awful texts about how no one will want me and my fat ass(I'm 5'5" and 155lb yes over weight but not fat) tells me don't bother losing weight because no one would want my stretched marks bla bla. This last time I was out with the kids and really didn't want to go home and fight so I decided to go to a friends but I realized I forgot the diaper bag so I literally pulled in the driveway ran in got the diaper bag and left. He followed me!! Riding my ass so close and kept calling but I didn't want to fight infront of the kids so I didn't answer. He flew ahead of me and drove about 10 mph so I pulled into a resturant and turned around to just get on the high way. He flies up the break down lane and blocks the highway on ramp!!! I get around him and get on the highway.... I knew he knew where I was going and he got infront of me on the highway and stopped on the off ramp!! Parked the car on the off ramp and came over to my car yelled something I'm not even sure what it was then drove off. I always take him back. I cant handle the mind games anymore :-(This week we aren't together.... Last night he didn't come home. And for the first time I didn't stress about where he was and what he was doing. I asked him to leave. I need closer I need him gone :-(

First, thank you ladies!!! I need this support even from strangers :-) but question.... Right now we "aren't together" but not fighting either anyways he went out last night and didn't come home and he told me he would stay with the kids tonight so I can go out.... Really tomorrows Easter I'm going to go to Walmart and wait in line for hours with all the other last minute moms lol but anyways this is what he does and says its my turn to go out(I never do) but throws a fit!!! Last time he literally told my son I wasn never coming home again because I was going to go get drunk and crash my car!! I'm not a big drinker and I have never drove drunk in my life.... So my question is when he pulla this again tonight and I know he will. What do I do? Do I just come home or do I stay out? Normally I'd say he will just get pissed off and get over it but after what he did to DS last time I'm scared
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 30, 2013 at 8:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
EvilAsh
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:00 AM
1 mom liked this

Get a restraining order.

kagegirl
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:03 AM
He soundings bipolar. So does that breaking up shit all the time. He is bipolar. We are Findlay getting couples counseling.
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LyTe684
by Ruby Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:03 AM
1 mom liked this
1. Next time drive to a Precinct.
2. He's beating you down emotionally. The must successful way to keep you as his punching bag.
3. Do NOT go back!


Good luck. Hugs!
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:04 AM
He agrees to it but by the time I get an appointment we are broken up again :-(


Quoting kagegirl:

He soundings bipolar. So does that breaking up shit all the time. He is bipolar. We are Findlay getting couples counseling.

LyTe684
by Ruby Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:05 AM
1 mom liked this
Doesn't sound bi polar to me. Just sounds like a grade A asshole.

Quoting kagegirl:

He soundings bipolar. So does that breaking up shit all the time. He is bipolar. We are Findlay getting couples counseling.
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IandLoveandYou
by Penny Lane on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:10 AM
2 moms liked this

Definitely abuse, not question about that :(.

I'm sorry momma.. I went through the same thing with my ex-husband. I tried to leave him a handful of times and was unsuccessful. The last time it was like a switch just went off. It was hard..he tried so hard to convince me to go to counseling, guilt tripped me like you wouldn't believe and while I was "thinking about it" he was the sweet man I always wanted him to be. But then when I told him that I was going to go to therapy, and he should to.. but that I didn't want to go together and that I did not want to be with him ever... he turned back into the evil person he was in and instant.. and that was my reassurance that I was making the right decision.

But really you've gotta leave when you're ready or you won't stick to it. Gather information.. call your local shelter so that they can help you make a safe escape plan -- your husband sounds very dangerous. You may also want to file for an order of protection against him.
 

I would reccommend reading about it too..that helped me a lot there is a really good book called "Why Does He Do That" By Lundy Bancroft. It is hard ot read sometimes because of how well it will relate to your relationship and life.. but it helps a LOT. There is also a group on here that I'll post a link to.. that is full of WONDERFUL supportive women who are on all areas of the path of domestic abuse/violence... I went in there unsure if my relationship was even abusive.. and now I am completely free of my abusive relationship.. we've been divorced for over a year.. apart for over 2 years :). My life is a million times better now that we are apart.


LovelyMommy24
by Ruby Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:14 AM
2 moms liked this
This. It will only get worse, sweetie. He's preparing you for emotional hell if you stay.

Quoting LyTe684:

1. Next time drive to a Precinct.

2. He's beating you down emotionally. The must successful way to keep you as his punching bag.

3. Do NOT go back!





Good luck. Hugs!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
LauraMH
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:16 AM
Speaking from personal experience, it will most likely turn to physical violence. Please do not go back.
LauraMH
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:21 AM
Quoting IandLoveandYou:

Definitely abuse, not question about that :(.

I'm sorry momma.. I went through the same thing with my ex-husband. I tried to leave him a handful of times and was unsuccessful. The last time it was like a switch just went off. It was hard..he tried so hard to convince me to go to counseling, guilt tripped me like you wouldn't believe and while I was "thinking about it" he was the sweet man I always wanted him to be. But then when I told him that I was going to go to therapy, and he should to.. but that I didn't want to go together and that I did not want to be with him ever... he turned back into the evil person he was in and instant.. and that was my reassurance that I was making the right decision.

But really you've gotta leave when you're ready or you won't stick to it. Gather information.. call your local shelter so that they can help you make a safe escape plan -- your husband sounds very dangerous. You may also want to file for an order of protection against him. 

I would reccommend reading about it too..that helped me a lot there is a really good book called "Why Does He Do That" By Lundy Bancroft. It is hard ot read sometimes because of how well it will relate to your relationship and life.. but it helps a LOT. There is also a group on here that I'll post a link to.. that is full of WONDERFUL supportive women who are on all areas of the path of domestic abuse/violence... I went in there unsure if my relationship was even abusive.. and now I am completely free of my abusive relationship.. we've been divorced for over a year.. apart for over 2 years :). My life is a million times better now that we are apart.



Excellent advice! You put it I to words perfectly. That book is amazing and (along with therapy) healed me to see what was going on and move on from it. Good for you for leaving!! I have been divorced just over a year too and my life is a million times better too. I would encourage OP to read it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 30, 2013 at 10:15 AM
Bump
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