"You are stupid just like your father.You KNOW what you are doing is just making things worse and yet you just continue. I am so sick of this. You are so stupid. You just sit there and shit your pants and moan and carry on for 3 FUCKING HOURS. I can't take this shit anymore! Do you want to be stupid like your father? You disgust me!"
He is 7 and just stood there crying while I said it.
I stopped and watching him cry just standing there for about 30 seconds, overcome with horror.
I told him "honey take a shower. What I just did.... Mommy has no excuse. It was wrong. Take a shower. I love you."
I should just kill myself right now. I have no fucking clue what came over me. I lost control. How could I say such horrible things to my own child?
I have turned into my father.
My son is having a shower right now. I'm listening to music calming myself down. He's out of the shower now, I don't know what to say to him.
I know I will be bashed. I DESERVE it. What I did was unforgivable. I'm not a troll... I don't know why I even made this post. I'm just so lost.
My son and I spoke, we are usually pretty open about things. He told me he was very angry and hurt about what I said, I let him know it was right he should feel that way because what I said was very wrong. I was angry, but I should not have acted that way at all.
I asked him if he believed what I said, he said no, it's not true, I am very smart and I know I am. And I told him that's right you are and never believe any different. You are a wonderful kid who was behaving badly, we both behaved badly.
Then we talked a bit about what we should do when we are very upset, better ways to deal with that.
Then we went to the park. I know I took that away, but given the circumstances I decided it was more important we get out of the house and release some steam.