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A punch in the face. Why is this any different?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
There was a post the other day where a raging debate took place as to whether its ok for a parent to bite a child back for biting to show them it's painful. The OP asked multiple times if that same child were to punch someone in the face would it be ok for a parent to punch that child in the face in order to prove the same point? Surprisingly nobody answered so I ask that same question.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 30, 2013 at 9:14 PM
Replies (31-40):
MelanieMans
by Sapphire Member on Mar. 31, 2013 at 7:26 AM
So let me get this straight. You bite your kid to show them that biting is wrong, but you dont hit them to show them hitting is wrong, you talk to them.......which is exactly what you could do with the biting situation. shes not trying to encourage punching kids, shes trying to understand your logic.


Quoting Anonymous:

Seriously, anyone with a biter knows it works... stupid and ridiculous question, you really want to encourage punching kids, your sick.........


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Mar. 31, 2013 at 7:32 AM
If you read the last post you would have seen there were many who it did work for. My dd is 3. I did it the first 2 times she did it hard when she was one. She now play bites that's all. She pretends to bite. Why don't ppl remember all children are different and what works for one is not going to work for every. My dd has never bit another child and between 1 and 2 never bit anyone. Now a 3 she pretends to bite. Worry about your own children and not judging anyone else. I am old school. I raise my child like my mom raised me and like my older friends raised theirs. Imo new age parenting of what if my child hates me is the issue today.


Quoting Anonymous:

Not that you implied this, but tell my girlfriend who is dealing with a 3 year old biter how well biting a child back works. She's done it twice and her dd is still biting. I was with her when she did it the second time and it was not done gently (no marks or skin broken, but she did it pretty hard). That's why I find these types of methods ridiculous.




Quoting Anonymous:

You choose which method discipline you want or like. But by law these are all acceptable. It's how far you take it. If you don't want to accept my answer fine. But it's not about if you agree or like it. That IS the difference. Yes same method, same principle. I agree. But the extent you take it to is way different. So there is your difference.






Quoting Anonymous:

And I say no they are not. You are repeating the same behavior that you are trying to correct. I don't care how you are doing it for the fact is you're doing it.








Quoting Anonymous:

I think people are forgetting an important thing here. The point is to teach the child the golden rule. If you don't something bad to someone it will also happen to you, so if you don't like it don't do it. In addition to teaching consequences. Every punishment or discipline tactic can be taken overboard. And I covered this before but maybe a different post.









Timeout for 1 minute per year of age is acceptable.




Locking child in dark room for hours is not









Spanking on the bottom not leaving marks with open hand acceptable.




Beating child with belt leaving welts is not acceptable.









Lightly biting child not breaking the skin or leaving marks acceptable.




Biting child so hard there's a bruise not acceptable.









Making child do extra chores acceptable.




Making child do soapy extra chores they don't sleep for two days not acceptable.









These are just examples of most discipline methods. The first being considered an acceptable way to use the method an the second being going over board. This is why biting and punching your child in the face are different.




Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 31, 2013 at 7:36 AM
Be VERY careful here is all I will tell you. You don't ever want to associate physical fitness with punishment in my view. Having watched a sibling and a cousin grow up with emotional and eating disorders I clearly remember my dad was shocked when the therapist told him how damaging things like using exercise as punishment can be. This is why you don't see sports coaches doing it anymore (for the most part).


Quoting Anonymous:

Well I see your point and agree for the most part. I was afraid of this very thing, but she's very sensitive and I wasn't willing to crush her emotionally. Time outs were pointless. Extra chores didn't work. I rarely have issues with her. She gets punished maybe 2-3 times a month. And she still loves to exercise. She's a runner already at age 6. We can workout together and she does great. She cares about exercise and nutrition. But she can come home with a note and she knows she owes me a few push ups. But now she sets her own goals. I want less than 5 bad notes an she says she'll get 1 or less. She hits her mark every time.

This is why I say it depends on the kid. With our son I've just about given up for now. I couldn't get through to him in any way. But now that he's talking it's a whole different ball game. Very few issues compared to before. But we still have a long way to go. I am not jumping straight to push ups and stuff. And I don't like causing physical pain to get control.

I always welcome advice. I know I've made my share of mistakes. But the biggest thing I've learned is every kid is different and every kid responds differently. You have to find what works for your child. And I do appreciate your warning. Especially since you offer it in such a respectful way.




Quoting Anonymous:

I am not judging you and you parent how you please but in my very strong opinion you should NEVER use exercise as a form of punishment. You want kids to have a positive association with exercising and that it's a good thing for them to be doing as often as possible. I am sorry but this one irks me.






Quoting Anonymous:

I understand and agree to an extent. I'm not saying what is an ok method or what works. Just the simple fact that you can take any method to the extreme and be doing it wrong.



Now what I've noticed is that different things work for different kids. I'd love to sit here and tell you a for sure method I used. But with my oldest daughter yelling an spanking would shut her down emotionally. Talks and physical punishment worked. Like push ups and running laps. I still use that with her. It gets the best results without crushing her.



With my son it's been so much harder. Spanking worked at first. But it wast long before we would have to take it up to a level I wasn't comfortable with so we did timeout. That didn't work well. We actually just had to avoid public until he started communicating and at home was hell. Still is sometimes. We really have tried everything he could understand.



Our youngest responds well if I just say no no. So I'm not saying one way is better or ok or whatever. I've made my mistakes. Biting a biter will not always work. It does for some though.








Quoting Anonymous:

Not that you implied this, but tell my girlfriend who is dealing with a 3 year old biter how well biting a child back works. She's done it twice and her dd is still biting. I was with her when she did it the second time and it was not done gently (no marks or skin broken, but she did it pretty hard). That's why I find these types of methods ridiculous.










Quoting Anonymous:

You choose which method discipline you want or like. But by law these are all acceptable. It's how far you take it. If you don't want to accept my answer fine. But it's not about if you agree or like it. That IS the difference. Yes same method, same principle. I agree. But the extent you take it to is way different. So there is your difference.












Quoting Anonymous:

And I say no they are not. You are repeating the same behavior that you are trying to correct. I don't care how you are doing it for the fact is you're doing it.














Quoting Anonymous:

I think people are forgetting an important thing here. The point is to teach the child the golden rule. If you don't something bad to someone it will also happen to you, so if you don't like it don't do it. In addition to teaching consequences. Every punishment or discipline tactic can be taken overboard. And I covered this before but maybe a different post.















Timeout for 1 minute per year of age is acceptable.







Locking child in dark room for hours is not















Spanking on the bottom not leaving marks with open hand acceptable.







Beating child with belt leaving welts is not acceptable.















Lightly biting child not breaking the skin or leaving marks acceptable.







Biting child so hard there's a bruise not acceptable.















Making child do extra chores acceptable.







Making child do soapy extra chores they don't sleep for two days not acceptable.















These are just examples of most discipline methods. The first being considered an acceptable way to use the method an the second being going over board. This is why biting and punching your child in the face are different.







cntrdmom
by Ruby Member on Mar. 31, 2013 at 7:44 AM
Would you mind continuing this in a private message? It could get lengthy and I'm mobile right now. But I would like to talk more about this if you don't mind. I'm always open to new things and to learn more. I'd like to share more with you and get your input on a few different things.


Quoting Anonymous:

Be VERY careful here is all I will tell you. You don't ever want to associate physical fitness with punishment in my view. Having watched a sibling and a cousin grow up with emotional and eating disorders I clearly remember my dad was shocked when the therapist told him how damaging things like using exercise as punishment can be. This is why you don't see sports coaches doing it anymore (for the most part).




Quoting Anonymous:

Well I see your point and agree for the most part. I was afraid of this very thing, but she's very sensitive and I wasn't willing to crush her emotionally. Time outs were pointless. Extra chores didn't work. I rarely have issues with her. She gets punished maybe 2-3 times a month. And she still loves to exercise. She's a runner already at age 6. We can workout together and she does great. She cares about exercise and nutrition. But she can come home with a note and she knows she owes me a few push ups. But now she sets her own goals. I want less than 5 bad notes an she says she'll get 1 or less. She hits her mark every time.


This is why I say it depends on the kid. With our son I've just about given up for now. I couldn't get through to him in any way. But now that he's talking it's a whole different ball game. Very few issues compared to before. But we still have a long way to go. I am not jumping straight to push ups and stuff. And I don't like causing physical pain to get control.


I always welcome advice. I know I've made my share of mistakes. But the biggest thing I've learned is every kid is different and every kid responds differently. You have to find what works for your child. And I do appreciate your warning. Especially since you offer it in such a respectful way.






Quoting Anonymous:

I am not judging you and you parent how you please but in my very strong opinion you should NEVER use exercise as a form of punishment. You want kids to have a positive association with exercising and that it's a good thing for them to be doing as often as possible. I am sorry but this one irks me.








Quoting Anonymous:

I understand and agree to an extent. I'm not saying what is an ok method or what works. Just the simple fact that you can take any method to the extreme and be doing it wrong.




Now what I've noticed is that different things work for different kids. I'd love to sit here and tell you a for sure method I used. But with my oldest daughter yelling an spanking would shut her down emotionally. Talks and physical punishment worked. Like push ups and running laps. I still use that with her. It gets the best results without crushing her.




With my son it's been so much harder. Spanking worked at first. But it wast long before we would have to take it up to a level I wasn't comfortable with so we did timeout. That didn't work well. We actually just had to avoid public until he started communicating and at home was hell. Still is sometimes. We really have tried everything he could understand.




Our youngest responds well if I just say no no. So I'm not saying one way is better or ok or whatever. I've made my mistakes. Biting a biter will not always work. It does for some though.










Quoting Anonymous:

Not that you implied this, but tell my girlfriend who is dealing with a 3 year old biter how well biting a child back works. She's done it twice and her dd is still biting. I was with her when she did it the second time and it was not done gently (no marks or skin broken, but she did it pretty hard). That's why I find these types of methods ridiculous.












Quoting Anonymous:

You choose which method discipline you want or like. But by law these are all acceptable. It's how far you take it. If you don't want to accept my answer fine. But it's not about if you agree or like it. That IS the difference. Yes same method, same principle. I agree. But the extent you take it to is way different. So there is your difference.














Quoting Anonymous:

And I say no they are not. You are repeating the same behavior that you are trying to correct. I don't care how you are doing it for the fact is you're doing it.
















Quoting Anonymous:

I think people are forgetting an important thing here. The point is to teach the child the golden rule. If you don't something bad to someone it will also happen to you, so if you don't like it don't do it. In addition to teaching consequences. Every punishment or discipline tactic can be taken overboard. And I covered this before but maybe a different post.

















Timeout for 1 minute per year of age is acceptable.








Locking child in dark room for hours is not

















Spanking on the bottom not leaving marks with open hand acceptable.








Beating child with belt leaving welts is not acceptable.

















Lightly biting child not breaking the skin or leaving marks acceptable.








Biting child so hard there's a bruise not acceptable.

















Making child do extra chores acceptable.








Making child do soapy extra chores they don't sleep for two days not acceptable.

















These are just examples of most discipline methods. The first being considered an acceptable way to use the method an the second being going over board. This is why biting and punching your child in the face are different.








Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Mar. 31, 2013 at 7:45 AM
Wait, so it isnt okay to bite a child whose biting, or hit a child whose hitting-and yet people spank their kids. It think it is both awful and funny when I see a parent spamking their kid for hitting them or a sibling/friend....
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 31, 2013 at 7:49 AM
Just sent you a message.


Quoting cntrdmom:

Would you mind continuing this in a private message? It could get lengthy and I'm mobile right now. But I would like to talk more about this if you don't mind. I'm always open to new things and to learn more. I'd like to share more with you and get your input on a few different things.




Quoting Anonymous:

Be VERY careful here is all I will tell you. You don't ever want to associate physical fitness with punishment in my view. Having watched a sibling and a cousin grow up with emotional and eating disorders I clearly remember my dad was shocked when the therapist told him how damaging things like using exercise as punishment can be. This is why you don't see sports coaches doing it anymore (for the most part).






Quoting Anonymous:

Well I see your point and agree for the most part. I was afraid of this very thing, but she's very sensitive and I wasn't willing to crush her emotionally. Time outs were pointless. Extra chores didn't work. I rarely have issues with her. She gets punished maybe 2-3 times a month. And she still loves to exercise. She's a runner already at age 6. We can workout together and she does great. She cares about exercise and nutrition. But she can come home with a note and she knows she owes me a few push ups. But now she sets her own goals. I want less than 5 bad notes an she says she'll get 1 or less. She hits her mark every time.



This is why I say it depends on the kid. With our son I've just about given up for now. I couldn't get through to him in any way. But now that he's talking it's a whole different ball game. Very few issues compared to before. But we still have a long way to go. I am not jumping straight to push ups and stuff. And I don't like causing physical pain to get control.



I always welcome advice. I know I've made my share of mistakes. But the biggest thing I've learned is every kid is different and every kid responds differently. You have to find what works for your child. And I do appreciate your warning. Especially since you offer it in such a respectful way.








Quoting Anonymous:

I am not judging you and you parent how you please but in my very strong opinion you should NEVER use exercise as a form of punishment. You want kids to have a positive association with exercising and that it's a good thing for them to be doing as often as possible. I am sorry but this one irks me.










Quoting Anonymous:

I understand and agree to an extent. I'm not saying what is an ok method or what works. Just the simple fact that you can take any method to the extreme and be doing it wrong.





Now what I've noticed is that different things work for different kids. I'd love to sit here and tell you a for sure method I used. But with my oldest daughter yelling an spanking would shut her down emotionally. Talks and physical punishment worked. Like push ups and running laps. I still use that with her. It gets the best results without crushing her.





With my son it's been so much harder. Spanking worked at first. But it wast long before we would have to take it up to a level I wasn't comfortable with so we did timeout. That didn't work well. We actually just had to avoid public until he started communicating and at home was hell. Still is sometimes. We really have tried everything he could understand.





Our youngest responds well if I just say no no. So I'm not saying one way is better or ok or whatever. I've made my mistakes. Biting a biter will not always work. It does for some though.












Quoting Anonymous:

Not that you implied this, but tell my girlfriend who is dealing with a 3 year old biter how well biting a child back works. She's done it twice and her dd is still biting. I was with her when she did it the second time and it was not done gently (no marks or skin broken, but she did it pretty hard). That's why I find these types of methods ridiculous.














Quoting Anonymous:

You choose which method discipline you want or like. But by law these are all acceptable. It's how far you take it. If you don't want to accept my answer fine. But it's not about if you agree or like it. That IS the difference. Yes same method, same principle. I agree. But the extent you take it to is way different. So there is your difference.
















Quoting Anonymous:

And I say no they are not. You are repeating the same behavior that you are trying to correct. I don't care how you are doing it for the fact is you're doing it.


















Quoting Anonymous:

I think people are forgetting an important thing here. The point is to teach the child the golden rule. If you don't something bad to someone it will also happen to you, so if you don't like it don't do it. In addition to teaching consequences. Every punishment or discipline tactic can be taken overboard. And I covered this before but maybe a different post.



















Timeout for 1 minute per year of age is acceptable.









Locking child in dark room for hours is not



















Spanking on the bottom not leaving marks with open hand acceptable.









Beating child with belt leaving welts is not acceptable.



















Lightly biting child not breaking the skin or leaving marks acceptable.









Biting child so hard there's a bruise not acceptable.



















Making child do extra chores acceptable.









Making child do soapy extra chores they don't sleep for two days not acceptable.



















These are just examples of most discipline methods. The first being considered an acceptable way to use the method an the second being going over board. This is why biting and punching your child in the face are different.









Pink.Frosting
by Ruby Member on Mar. 31, 2013 at 1:52 PM

I wouldn't do either.

Firebolt
by on Mar. 31, 2013 at 2:08 PM

Neither is ok, neither should be acceptable, yes they are comparable, no I would NEVER do either.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Mar. 31, 2013 at 4:06 PM
Exactly HOW is it different, besides the obvious physical pain factor, and HOW is the any better then emotional?
You can justify that?
That's a ridiculously self absorbed way to view it.

Quoting Anonymous:

Thanks for the compliment. I am sorry if you can't get off your high horse for a moment to see my point. There is an enormous difference between a parent lightly biting a child back to show them that it hurts and not causing any real damage vs. punching a child in the face. There is no way for an adult to punch a child in the face and not seriously hurt them and cause very serious damage. I wouldn't do either one, but you cannot tell me that doesn't make sense.




Quoting Anonymous:

You are a raging idiot, it has nothing to do with one hurting more then the other, and has EVERYTHING to do with leading by example.


Good grief, unbelievable that you could possibly break it down with justification, whether you do it or not.


Disgusting.





Quoting Anonymous:

I am sorry, but your question is ludicrous. I would not do either, but there is a huge difference between a parent biting a child with a little bit of force in order to show them what they are doing can be hurtful to other children without seriously hurting them vs. an adult punching a child in the face which could seriously injure them or possibly send them to the hospital. Again, I wouldn't do either, but there is no comparison.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Mar. 31, 2013 at 4:08 PM

right in the kisser

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